Political Humor

Chicago (AP) “It’s all over but the celebrating. This is a clear mandate. He’s had his time in office and now it’s time to send him back to the ranch,” stated political pundit Bill Maher yesterday, on the Daily Show. This was in reference to the astounding polling numbers showing the Democrat Party in the lead by a very wide margin.

Across the nation, Democrats are all but certain of a landslide victory against George Bush. Just released Zogby, CNN, NBC, and New York Times polls all show an overwhelming majority of likely Democrat voters will vote for a Democrat in the up-coming elections. Some polls are indicating as much as an 8 to 1 margin for national, state and local candidates, who are running against the President.

The estimated 20% -to as high as 50% in a few precincts- of recently registered Democrat voters who are undecided as to how they will vote or in many case how to vote, are to be aided by the nonpartisan, voter assistance organization Acorn.

“They will be right there in the booth beside those voters to insure they are not discriminated against or disenfranchised by the intimidation tactics of the Bush/Cheney tag team. They will be their hands and eyes, if necessary,” said Acorn backer and 60′s peace activist, Bill Ayers.

“Many of these people are the senility struck elderly or don’t speak a word of English… or are mentally challenged homeless. Why some of them are even tragically and terminally dead,” Ayres said. They deserve their chance to be counted. Concerned citizens like me will be providing armed escort services to and from their residences, alleys or resting places on election day. George Bush and his Gestapo-like Republican voting machine will not see another term in office.”

“Why some of them are even tragically and terminally dead”

The strategy of going negative early and pitting as many DNC backed challengers against Bush as possible, was the brainchild of long-time political strategist James Carvel. Carvel -who orchestrated victory for Bill Clinton against the then Texas governor- had this to say, “Just because he [Bush] wasn’t running for President at that time only proves the effectiveness of this plan. It worked for us then and it’s working for us now.  That guy, what’s his name, who’s from Arizona… Ah, yeah… McCain, can say what he wants. Defeating Bush is the winning ticket.”

Carvel went on to say, “I don’t expect to see a single Democrat lose to Bush from the national level, involving Obama and Biden, all the way down to city counsel seats. This man won’t even be elected as the mayor of Wasilla.”

When it was pointed out that the election for Sarah Palin’s formerly held position as mayor of the insignificant Alaskan township isn’t until next year, James Carvel replied, “See how well the strategy is working?”

You can dig up more October surprises at my Humor and satire blog Sideshow Mirrors where Les keeps a spare shovel.

This week we have something a little different than the usual flame war parody.  This idea came from a comment by Insolublog in response to the Friday post, ”Then There Were Two“. 

Can’t tell the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?  We’ve got a candidate that truly is different. Stand aside McCain and Obama, here’s the future.

You’re mission, should you choose to accept it, is to complete our slogan, so we can start campaigning in all 58 states.

A Vote for the Giant Plastic Chicken Head is a Vote for….

Discuss.

Humor-Blogs.com will provide some good slogans.

This is just great. It’s now down to Frick and Frack. Come on. Couldn’t we have done better? I mean really. Obama and McCain? This is the best we could come up with? I don’t know who I’m more Fricken pissed at. Neither is worth a Frack.

To any of you who are aficionados of the Swiss ice-skating duo, I apologise.

 
But speaking of Fricken, if tofu that’s shaped into a turkey is Tofurky, what would you call tofu chicken. Toicken doesn’t work, but Fricken does.

Can’t you just see yourself ordering this tasty meal at a fast food drive up window?

Giant plastic chicken head: Welcome to KFF. May I take your order please?

You in your car: Yeah, I’d like some Fricken Nuggets, large Fricken Fries and a medium Coke.

Giant plastic chicken head: Would you like BBQ or our special Fricken Sauce with that?

You in your car: Aah, just gimme the Fricken Sauce.

Giant plastic chicken head: Please pull up to the window and have a nice Fricken day.

Frack me, phony chicken and even phonier candidates. Just Fricken wonderful.

Right about now you might be wondering where the usual hard hitting, substantive, fact filled commentary is in this piece. Well, I’ll tell ya. I’ve taken a page from both Obama and McCain and today you get from me, what they have been giving to us all. Nada, zip, zilch in the way of substantial information as to how they will govern.

I threw in the terrible joke above as filler. Nothing there, just a way to take up space and waste time. A distraction to keep you from realizing that I’ve got little here, other than empty verbage and a cheap bag of stale, hot air driven catch phrases. Kind of like the drivel I keep hearing every time those two open their mouths.

Really, how can I tell you about their platforms, when they won’t tell me? These two jokers dodge and spin so much that it makes me dizzy just looking at ‘em. And listening to either makes me feel like I’ve tuned in to Mexican talk radio. I understand a lot of the words, but it just ain’t making no sense.
 

Other than the fact the one is irritating and the other is nauseating, I can’t tell  ‘em apart.  Just two peas in an Invasion of the Body Snatchers pod.  Where are they hiding the real candidates?  

What am I going to do in November?  Who am I going to vote for?  No one on the ballot, that’s for sure.  The best I can do is vote against the other guy.  I suppose I should be use to it by now.  I haven’t actually voted for a president since Reagan. It’s been a fast slide down hill since then.

So there it is.  Not much of a post and not much an election.  I suppose I shouldn’t let it get me so Fricken upset.  And one more thing, if they think that after having their way with me for all these months, that I’m still going to respect them in the morning, well, they can just Frack off. 

Humor-Blogs.com has better voting choices than election 2008 does.