Political Humor

“Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.” Robin Williams in Man of the Year

Potty Humor

America wants change. A least that’s what some politicians want us to think. I heard the head of the DNC, Screamin’ Howard Dean saying that a while ago, it must be true. He’s a doctor and has delivered babies and everything, after all. So what’s not to believe?

Clinton and Obama whine that they will change America. Something tells me that’s not what needs changing. McCain isn’t really talking a lot about change, he’s really not talking a lot about anything. I suppose he’s happy with the load he’s carrying.

I’ve had it with politicians treating me like I’m the infant. I don’t care if they try the plane coming in for a landing approach or the train going into the tunnel trick or whatever. I’m not opening my mouth any more for little racecars. Because every time I do, they either attempt to spoon-feed me more of their crap or shove a nipple in that’s dripping with the rancid milk of social programs.

Who do they think they are anyway, a cluster of wet nurses at some Nanny State operated day care center? Talk about the government wanting into every facet of your life. I feel violated.

The more I think about that, the madder I get. This is really starting to piss me off. I don’t need their nurturing! I didn’t ask for their ridiculous agendas! Who the… Of all the… I’ve got exactly two words for them, Suckle This!

Slowly count to 10. OK…I’m feeling better now. Sorry. Just got a little worked up

Pawed By Politicians

America as a whole, isn’t sitting in some over-large, poopy diaper. It’s just a very small part of the population that is, namely a fair amount of the elected types working in state capital buildings and a particular group inside of the Beltway. Most of the rest of us have learned to take responsibility for the care of our bodily functions and don’t soil where we sit. It’s called growing up.

I say most, because there seems to be a vocal minority (like a majority of those who use to reside in the 9th ward, and wasn’t that just nature’s way of flushing?) who actually likes to feel their elected official’s hands on their privates. Ahhhhh! Just the thought of that gives me the willies.

And for those who will never learn…

It Doesn’t Just Happen

Mastication. Ingestion. Digestion. Excretion. These are the four steps. Despite a popular saying, it doesn’t just happen. Feces is a process. It’s the deliberate act of taking material in and then later –after everything useful has been removed-emitting it out as waste or political rhetoric.

Although there are a few politicians that have become so terribly flexible that they have managed to bend themselves into a position were their in-put and out-put portals have merged to become one. They’re now practicing green principles -by recycling their own talking points.

The rest are busy shoveling it -from their fellow elected officials diapers into their own pie holes- as fast as they can. Then they rudely talk to us, with their mouths full –spitting as they do- and attempting to force their own end products down our collective throats.

Senator Change Thyself

It’s well past time for our “leaders” to stop this charade of role reversal. We’re the adults who elected them. If they had any desire to grow-up and earn a little respect from those who pay their salaries, they’d first learn to change their own nappies. And no, that’s not a racial slur. It’s context Imus, that’s were you messed up.

Just listening to them sounds like a bunch of two year olds crying about who pulled who’s hair and screaming because they want a toy someone else is playing with. “Oh, I’m telling the press on you!” Give me a break.

Aren’t you tired of having to pay to cleaning-up the messes these snot-nosed crybabies make? Here’s an idea. Maybe they could spread newspaper around on the floor, until they been fully potty trained. It’s the best use for newspaper that I know of.

Under this scenario, we should be able to rub their noses in it every time they dump on the American people. But you know as well as I do, they don’t give a squat about changing anything other then their own asinine statements.

Next time you’re holding your nose in the voting booth, think about giving those who caused all of this stink, a time out and a big box of baby wipes.

If you’ll please excuse me, I need a shower.

Humor-Blogs.com has plenty of dirty diapers.

It’s a battle royal between two giants in porcelain bath fixtures. American Standard –the K Mart of this industry – has tossed its hat in the ring and taken on Kohler. Kohler –long regarded as the high-end leader in this competitive market- never seriously considered that there might be competition.

For years Kohler assumed that they would be the throne that the next president would sit upon, having been in the White House before.

American Standard announced Thursday that they have been heavily lobbying Clinton, McCain, and Obama since late last year and would continue to do so until this November.

Their position is that it’s time for a change and they continue to have high hopes for this election.

A Kohler spokesman said American Standard simply would not be ready on day one to handle the flow. They maintain that this upstart wouldn’t even understand the basic paperwork involved in the Presidential Retreat, but might be ready for a secondary placement.

None of the three candidate’s political campaigns would offer official statements, but off the record comments indicated that both McCain and Clinton supported Kohler and would likely prefer their throne in a white to beige color.

The Obama camp, while tight-lipped, seem to indicate that American Standard would be their candidate’s choice, but no color preference was given. The one place where they all could agree was that in had to be an environmentally friendly low water consumption model.

However, Obama’s pastor -in a sermon given last October- stated that no white fixtures should be a part of the Black Experience. Obama’s campaign refused comment, but did say that they would be issuing further apologies for Pastor Wright.

Click to embiggen

Humor-Blogs.com is the nation’s biggest manufacturer of Porta-Vote booths. You might even find some political satire there too.

Everyone complained about the primary scheduling but did anyone notice the six weeks of no elections whatsoever? Did the DNC and the RNC not consider us bloggers and political humor columnists? What the hell are we going to write about?

Some are trying to come up with good fodder for us. This week President Bush is drumming up the positives about the Iraq War as we hit the five-year mark Wednesday.

Cheney is still claiming Hussein had something to do with 911. McCain is busy confusing which terrorist regime is funding/backing whom, which seems like just an argument in academia.

But this is simply more rehashed and recycled news stories.

I will buy the excuse that maybe the political media scene is worn-out from the craziness lately and could use a break. An asshole Democrat Governor’s penchant for whores sank his dreams of living in the White House. A Presidential candidate tells us that having racist friends is alright as long as you don’t believe in the rhetoric.

So that begs the question: do racists have friends and are there a lot of excuses made for awful behavior?

Joseph Goebbels (to a friend): “You know Adolph isn’t really a bad guy, he’s just misunderstood.”
Friend: “He wants to kill the Jews.”
Goebbels: “He was just kidding about the killing thing. That Hitler, what a minx!”

No elections for six weeks also means the Global Warming alarmists have more room to push their warnings the planet is on fire. These days they tell us that glaciers are melting all over the world. They know this because they studied thirty out of 100,000 total ice packs.

I didn’t know they hired Nielsen Media Research to do their surveys.

What did they do, send a diary and a ruler to thirty people that lived near a glacier? I wouldn’t be surprised if this is close to the actual experiment procedure. It would make sense since the scientists can’t figure out why the oceans aren’t warming like the fancy computer models predicted.

So this is what we have to look forward to for the next six weeks? Wake me up when it’s time for the next primary.

Or when Larry Craig resurfaces in a restroom somewhere.

Every Thursday, Chris Cameron writes this weekly political humor drivel most would find offensive and crude yet funny and topical. Who knew? You can read his other works of the humor variety at Angry Seafood.

Humor-blogs.com causes Global Warming because you won’t go there to read funny blogs.