Political Humor

“God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat” -Henry Louis Mencken, 1880-1956

I heard this adage many years ago, and all but forgot it. Recently I heard it again, and it got me thinking. While I don’t believe God would ever lower himself to be a part of any political party -they all seem rather ungodly to me- Santa is a Democrat fits.

Consider this:

Take Santa out of the red suit, put him in sandals, torn Levis, and a tie-dyed T-shirt, whatcha  got? Hum? An ancient, long-haired, bearded, clay pipe smokin’ hippie. That’s what. Doesn’t sound like any Republican I know. Maybe a few Libertarians…

He eats cookies, drinks milk (that we’re expected to provide for him, on the same day every year. Can you say April 15th all over again?) and gives candy to little kids who sit on his lap. Have you ever heard of Santa sitting down to slab of  beef and a beer? Or maybe a juicy hamburger and fries? Me either, and what about that candy thing? It’s down-right Un-American, more than a little creepy and smacks of veganism. Very Democratic, I’d say.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Wow, Obamacare.

Claus uses religion -by calling himself  Saint Nick- but never will you hear him mention the baby Jesus. In fact, in many places he’s institutionally substituted for Jesus. Santa Claus is the Anti-Christ.

He has no visible means of support. This leads me to believe Santa’s funded by looting programs like Social Security.  So, it’s our money. Then he brings us “gifts” telling us it’s “free”. And what do we get? Crap we don’t want, can’t use, wears-out quickly and always ends-up costing a lot more than “free”. Does he ever ask if we want his “gifts”? Noooo, but we’re expected to be grateful and except ‘em with smiles on our faces. Another name for gifts, is pork.  Santa hates the Jews.

Santa Claus and his “elves” wear disguises, run a huge operation from a secret site, and make toys. If Santa was a Reaganite, he’d be making weapons. That’s how you get Peace on Earth.

Don’t shoot me Santa Claus -The Killers

Which reminds me, if anyone’s interested in the location to the Military Industrial Complex, I’m selling it to the highest bidder. To prove I can be generous, I’ll donate a full 10% to the Undocumented Democrats Voter’s League.

If you were bad this year, who but an enviro-mental Dem, would give you their most hated substance on the planet -coal?  If Santa was conservative, you’d get a copy of a Michael Moore film instead.

He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. If that’s not Orwell’s Big Brother, what is? Don’t even get me started on the Naught and Nice List.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus -Hello, Bill Clinton.

Like George Soros, The Claus shelters his money offshore. Santa has never filed a tax return in the U.S..  He makes Little Timmy Geithner look like an amateur, and makes me sick.

While your kids are sleeping, all snug in their beds, Santa’s creeping around your house, without a warrant.

Then there’s the Al Gore connection. Santa Claus flies around the world, in his private aircraft, espousing the virtues of  non-fossil fuel transportation.  I’m here to tell you, reindeer crap impacting your poinsettias from 15,000 feet ain’t earth friendly.

Next we’re going to be told, being Santa is patriotic, and if we’re not Santa-like, we’re anti-charity, elf-o-phobic, and we hate fat people. Global warming has to be stopped, or Santa won’t have anyplace to live. Christmas will disappear. We have to do it for the children.

If  this overwhelming abundance of evidence still doesn’t convince you that Santa Claus is a Democrat, then you’re obviously a Democrat. As such, there’s almost no hope for you. But take heart in your belief that Santa is real, and free stuff really does mean free. Despite how much it will hurt your eyes to read this, Merry Christmas.

“The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.” -Henry Louis Mencken

I was hoping that since Al Gore won his precious Nobel Prize, and is now the King of the Environment the global warming talk would have settled down. Not so fast, because the moonbats are at it again.

This time, however the crazy Gorebal Warming backers are really reaching. The Republicans talk about getting back on the three-legged stool. From the looks of things, the Gorebalists are just looking for a leg to stand on.

They tell us increases in CO2 will lower the amount of protein in key crops like potatoes and wheat. Shhh, don’t tell them that scientists are already able to dramatically improve protein levels in those same foods. Moonbats hate solutions that run counter to the goal of stifling growth and development. Especially if those solutions are technologically based.

The Global Warming nuts try to fool people with magic tricks a child wouldn’t fall for. You have got to love the utility company that sends their customers fluorescent bulbs and bills them twelve dollars.

Seriously, people haven’t fallen for the ‘what’s that behind your ear’ ruse since they were seven.

The Gorebalists even try to guilt us into thinking animals like the American Pika are dying because of increased CO2. Don’t tell the moonbats the species is battling the same coyote problem that their cute pets face in the backyards of suburbia.

I wonder when they will notice a connection between growing populations of animal predators and the amount of missing pets.

I can see it now…

Police officer: “We found your pet ma’am. He appeared to have been maimed and killed by a coyote.”

Moonbat: “That’s impossible. This is the suburbs. It has to be global warming.”

But the monster of all claims is veteran fictional-character hunter Robert Rines’ assertion that Nessie was killed by man-made global warming. Yes, that is right someone finally blamed the death of the Loch Ness monster on human-induced climate change.

Are you surprised?

So I guess this means the Yeti, Bigfoot, UFO’s, and Chupacabra – all of them now endangered species – need our help. Before you know it, we will be committing tax dollars to ensure mythical creatures can thrive in their environment, undisturbed by man.

Chris Cameron writes this guest post of political humor every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty and also assorted oddities for his own blog, Humor by Angry Seafood.

Humor-blogs.com believes in fictional characters. Go there to read about Bigfoot’s take on life as a mythical creature.

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