Political Humor

A Politically Correct Guide to Mother’s Day.

A Very Bad Beginning

According to the National Restaurant Association, Mother’s Day is their busiest day of the year. This is when you are supposed to treat your mother to a meal, served to you by someone else’s Mom. Hummm…

Why do you do this? To make the one who gave birth to you, feel special for a few hours once a year. That’s why. Is that asking too much? Damn straight it is! Oops, sorry, I really shouldn’t assume you are…straight that is. How very un-PC of me. I apologize.

The history of Mother’s Day goes back to ancient Greece and Rome. There they honored the mothers of their gods. Oh my goodness, a religious holiday. That’s strike one.

The Greeks celebrated it around the Vernal Equinox, while Rome’s began on the Ides of March. If Brutus had only taken his Mom out to lunch…

The practice continued across time, until the custom found itself swallowed up by the Mother of All Churches, the Catholic Church, sometime during the Middle Ages. Dear Mother of … a Christian religious festival! Well, that’s strike two.

During this era of great social inequity and repression, it was celebrated as a holiday that was timed to coincide with a tradition. One that allowed apprentices and women in servitude to go home -just once a year- to see Mom. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

Now, we don’t even let store clerks, cooks or wait staff off to see their Moms on this day. Outrageous!

If everyone can’t do it, no one should be allowed to. After all, we’re the greediest, mostest resourcest grabingest, dividedest people on that planet. Still, we have a duty to see that justice be done, by shutting down the evil corporations that subjugate these underprivileged people (most of whom are minorities), if only for one day. Strike three? Nope, foul ball, right down the left field line.

2 Strikes, 1 Ball, America’s Up To Bat (a poorly worded analogy)

Julia Ward Howe, pacifists and social activist, who championed women’s suffrage, suggested the American version of Mother’s Day. It was supposed to honor women, but really never took hold in her lifetime. Now that’s about as Politically Correct as you can get, right? If you said yes, you’d be wrong.

She’s also the woman who wrote new lyrics to the song, John Brown’s Body, in 1862. She called this version, The Battle Hymn of the Republic. You remember, Mine eyes have seen the Glory of the coming of the Lord.

If you’re just coming back from that deeply emotional, near religious experience, then you fully understand why this is strike three at the bottom of the ninth.

Game’s Over, But The Controversy Continues

In 1908, a year after her mom’s death, her daughter, Anna Jarvis, was instrumental in ushering in the first Mother’s Day celebration. It was held in the very same church where Anna had taught Sunday school. Worse still, that church is now the International Mother’s Day Shrine and it’s a Historic National Monument to boot. The shame of it all.

The obviously well intentioned but misinformed socialist, President Woodrow Wilson, declared the first official Mother’s Day in 1914. A few years after this, Anna Jarvis -after seeing the commercial exploitation of her Mother’s dream- renounced the holiday as the epitome of pure evil. You go girl!

The Politically Correct Solution

I think that you can see where this is all going. Here we have a capitalist, Hallmark Holiday, which doesn’t even allow all of those who are being honored to properly celebrate it, and is blatantly in violation of the Separation of Church and State clause, as set out in the U.S. Constitution. It’s right there in Article, ah… I can’t find it right now, but you know as well as I do, that it’s in there.

It’s high time we put an end these divisive, Christian holidays. This year, I implore all men, to do the right thing. Don’t buy gifts or flowers. Don’t make reservations for some fancy brunch.

This Sunday, go fishing, play golf, or just have a few beers with the boys and watch the game. Help break with this vile tradition. You’ll be honoring all women by this gesture.

As for me, I’m leaving on Saturday for a four-day river trip with a buddy, who also is married and has a daughter and living mother. They’re going to be so proud of us, for taking this bold stand.

Oh, almost forgot. Men don’t mind being exploited –especially sexually. So ladies, don’t forget the Home Depot or Bass Pro Shop, or better yet, Hooters gift certificates for Father’s Day.

Humor-Blogs.com is the perfect gift for Mother’s Day.

Image: Pino: A Mother’s Love