Political Humor

Independence day weekend is rapidly approaching, and that means that the 2009 summer blockbuster movie season is upon us. As a brief respite from our usual political humor, I offer you this preview of some of this summer’s most eagerly anticipated movies.

Dumb and Dumber

Obama and Biden are two lovable and friendly, but very stupid friends, who struggle with every aspect of life. Obama is the President of the United States. Biden is his more experienced, but equally stupid sidekick and Vice President. Watch the two bumble their way through the misadventures of running the United States government in this hilarious comedy, destined to be a classic (Hilarity may not applicable to United States citizens). Comedy. Opens July 3.

Ice Age: Return of the Dinosaurs
After the events of “Ice Age: The Meltdown”, life begins to change for Manny and his friends: Fossil fuels still exist, but they have been cap and traded to developing nations. Manny and his friends struggle to make ends meet as a new ice age erupts in the face of hysteria over global warming. Animated Comedy. Opens July 3.

The World According to Gore

Al Gore is Gore. He’s got a funny way of looking at life. Opens July 10.

Obama Brasco
Barack Obama goes undercover inside a radical Islamic extremist terrorist cell. A low level flunkie in the terror cell befriends Obama, and soon Obama is one of the most trusted members of the group. However, a moral dilemma confronts Obama when a mole is suspected and he realizes that ending the undercover operation will put his friend at risk. Based on a true story. Drama. Opens July 10.

National Lampoons Iranian Vacation
Iran has a long and storied history, dating back to the very beginning of human civilization… Until the Obama family pays a visit for their summer vacation. Obama has trouble speaking English when there is a teleprompter in front of him. Without a teleprompter or a translator, there’s sure to be one zany disaster after another in the cradle of civilization. Comedy. Opens July 17.

They Call Me Senator Boxer

With the right kickbacks, anyone can buy a title. Drama. Opens July 17.

Air Force One
The President of the United States is on a mission to secure public relations photos for Air Force One when the plane sweeps in on a near miss of the Statue of Liberty, sending New Yorkers into a terrified panic. Action. Opens July 17.

The Crying Game

When a Supreme Court Justice appointment unexpectedly opens, President Obama appoints Sonia Sotomayor to the position. However there are some things that even Obama doesn’t know about Sotomayor. (Same surprise ending). Political Thriller. Opens July 24.

Snakes on a Plane

Hair raising thriller featuring Nancy Pelosi… On a plane. Action and Adventure. Opens July 24.

Please submit your own summer movie previews in the comments section.

Concept by Fiar, Movie Posters by Les James.

There once was a Speaker
named Nancy,
who said some things
that were chancy.

She pissed off some spies
and that wasn’t wise,
because those guys
can play nasty.

Air Pelosi

Nancy Pelosi has come under fire recently for traveling around in a Air Force G5 or larger aircraft, on her frequent flights between Washington DC and San Francisco Calif. The truth is that she didn’t actually use those aircraft. Well, she did once in a while, but only because the Air Force didn’t have a smaller plane available. It seems the request were made for the larger ones, she just wasn’t the one who made them. It was her staff.

It’s called plausible denialability. And Obama didn’t know what Geithner was up to either.

Yeah I know. I really liked the idea of her acting like the Wicked Bitch of the West, flying off the broom handle, abusing her power and arrogantly wasting the taxpayer’s dollars. To be fair, she’s only squandering and not outright wasting our money.

She generally flies for free in an Air Force C20, which is a Gulfstream III. This is the same plane Denny Hastert used. It only cost $900 an hour instead of the $22,000 for the larger craft. Makes it seem down right reasonable, doesn’t it?

The Speaker of the House averages 31, 11 hour round trip flights per year. These only cost us about 3.1 million. Not exactly free. This doesn’t cover the currently, unknown cost all those last minute canceled flights.

It seems Nancy likes to block out every weekend just in case she want to take a little plane flight with her family and friends. Then she waits until the last minute to cancel.

It’s really nice of her to be so thoughtful as to cancel. At least the pilots, air and ground crews can salvage some of their weekend.

Then we have all the other Congressional use of free Air Force planes. A few million more here and there. A mere pittance compared to, let’s say, I don’t know… maybe 9.3 trillion dollars!

It’s a start. I mean, if we’re going to go to any expense to retrieve $165 million, then it stands to reason we should be looking into any savings we can. It’s that line by line thing we heard about up until sometime last November.

They All Fall Down

The reason we foot the bill for these frequent flyers, is in response to the incident that happen in New York a few years ago, when some buildings fell down after being very bad indeed and needed to be brought to the ground. It seems a five sided building was naughty too and maybe some white house.

Since we no longer have enemy combatants or a War on Terror, I wasn’t sure if we could still talk about, hush… 9/11. If that term is now verboten and you’re offended, then I’m oh, so very sorry.

The Air Force was asked to keep some public officials safe -from certain, now unspecified people, who might find it necessary to fight for their freedom near these officials- by flying them around for free.

Still, the thought of those of us who can’t afford even a measly G3, fronting the cash so Nancy can go home almost every weekend, doesn’t sit very well. What it all comes down to is propriety.

The now defunct Trans American Airlines, better know as TWA, was hijacked so often by Middle Eastern types, it was widely referred to as Travel With Arabs.

So at some point in time this program was valid. But since the offensive terms have now been dropped by this administration, and with all the overtures made toward that part of the world, I’m sure they’re no longer angry at us.  We don’t need this service any longer.

As many of you know, I spend 20 years in the Army. I was stationed all across the southern portion of our country, Germany, Korea and Alaska. If I wanted to go home, I had to wait for leave and then get myself there on my own dime. That’s fine, I chose that profession and knew what I was getting into.

I’d like to believe the members of Congress, et al, knew that too. I could be wrong.

Now I’m not heartless. I want to see our hardworking civil servants get a chance to go home. I just don’t want them to fly for free.

Ridin’ The Rails

The National Railroad Passenger Corporation is a wholly government owned company. That’s right Big Brother owns an evil, Big Corporation. They operate AMTRAK. Joe Biden loves AMTRAK. He says it’s a “national treasure”.

We have dumped billions of dollars into this “treasure” and haven’t seen a red cent in return. But these railroad guys are smart. They got the system figured out. You see, they really don’t owe anything because they just pay the last “loan” off with the next one. As long as the money keeps coming in for your pockets to theirs, they’re in the clear.

Now Uncle Sam Joe wants another, paltry 1.3 billion for his beloved choo choo trains. Joe has been riding the train home for years. I think that’s wonderful. And if it’s good enough for the Veep to ride, then it’s good enough for Congress.

Now I’m sure we could get a group rate, but a monthly pass currently cost $579 a person. Multiply that by 100 in the Senate and 435 in the House and you get about 3.7 million per year in rail passes. Remember Pelosi spends over 3.1 million a year all on her own. We could save a bundle.

My question for you is, should we ride them out of town on a rail, or tell them to take a flying leap?

Les James has a humor blog, but he hasn’t been posting lately. So don’t waste your time.

Because Fiar asked for it…

Thanks to the guys at South Park for never being Politically Correct.