Political Humor

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Related: Obama Economic Stimulus Jokes

Did you know that children are the leading cause of our ballooning deficit?

According to Senator Nancy Pelosi they are. She is pressing Obama for millions of dollars in funding for family planning services, i.e. abortions as a way to stimulate the economy.

Don’t believe me? Here is what Pelosi said when asked by George Stephanopoulos about the subject (this is verbatim folks):

“Well the the family planning services reduce cost. It reduce cost. The states are in terrible ffff uh fiscal budget uh crisis now and and part of it what we do for uh children’s health for education and some of those elements that are to help the states meet their financial needs.

One of those one of them ahh initiatives you mentioned ah ah contraception is well reduced cost to the state and to the federal government.”

Pelosi might sound like an angry Porky Pig/caveman doing an interview but God damn it the bitch knows economics. Abortions are good for the financial health of America after all.

Abortions also make sense from a social standpoint as well. If only more people had that option for free birth control after-the-fact then life would be easier…and quieter.

To think of the times I have gone out to eat only to have the ambiance ruined by a screaming spawn of Satan; the child’s wails cutting through the air like piercing daggers of sound.

I still have nightmares of the lovely miscreant in the apartment above mine who enjoyed television at full volume at six am on a Saturday, just three hours after I went to bed.

Senator Pelosi you have my vote.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly political humor column every Thursday as well as his own weird humor blog Angry Seafood.

Shortly before the 2008 election, Nancy Pelosi informed voters that if they elected more Democrats to the House and Senate, we would have an even more bipartisan Congress.

if the Democrats win, and have substantial majorities, Congress of the United States will be more bipartisan,”

This was one of those moments of accidental transparency in our elected representatives. It’s like when President Barack Obama made the “punished with a baby” quip.

Pelosi pointed out that the true and meaningful definition of bipartisanship is voting in lockstep with Democrats. So what she really said was, “if the Democrats win and have substantial majorities, Congress of the United States of America will vote more in lockstep with Democrats.”

Oh sure, we point and laugh, but the Democrats are usually pretty good at guarding their real agendas from the American people. Pelosi made the sort of Freudian slip where the political jokes almost write themselves.

Why does bipartisanship even matter? Somewhere in history, someone decided it was a good thing to stop fighting to win, and settle for second best. Instead of putting one side against the other, and letting the victor take the spoils – loser walks – it was better to find a watered down solution that really didn’t resemble either idea.

My guess is Ugh and Mugh were throwing rocks at each other, and then one day they decided that it was better to find out what they had in common, and stop throwing rocks at each other. In this respect, it probably was a fairly productive way of preserving the species through cooperation.

We always hear bipartisan this and bipartisanship that, and the whole idea is based on the notion that it’s better to meet in the middle somewhere, find common ground, and come to an agreement that satisfies no one. Instead bipartisan means that Republicans have to break campaign promises and tow the Democrat Party line.

Meanwhile, their constituents scream and yell, “Whoa! Hey! That’s the wrong hole!” The Republican representative replies with, “yeah… uh.. I forgot the lube too. I hope you don’t mind.” Some people enjoy this. That’s how Democrats get elected.

The Democrats understand that people think the continual rock fight between Ugh and Mugh is counterproductive, so the Democrats have taken this idea of compromise, and bastardized it into meaning, “tow the Democrat line you ugly pig puke Republican.”

Bipartisan means that Ugh now beats Mugh in the head with a rock, but it’s consensual. You see, in this case, it makes more sense to keep throwing rocks back than it does to relegate yourself to the role of subservient victim. In this respect, cooperation with your abuser is not a productive way of preserving the species.

Now that the Democrats have a substantial majority in Congress, and Teh Chozen One!!11!1 in the White House, we may see more examples in the future of Democrats making the type of Freudian slip that Pelosi made. I wonder what they might be. Will President Obama accidentally tell the press core that he hates his wife. Mr. President, when did you stop beating your wife? I would like a notarized and time stamped verification.

I think it is likely that Speaker of the House Pelosi will reveal the truth about herself. I always thought that she was cobbled together from various cadavers, like Dr. Frankenstein’s monster, but Frankenstein’s monster wanted to have a soul, unlike Pelosi. I don’t even think it is the surprise ending of The Crying Game.

My theory is that Nancy Pelosi is actually a Lizard alien from outer space. One of these days, she’s going to let it slip out. Perhaps while she is eating a live Gerbil for lunch.

What do you think?