Political Humor

Michelle Obama, Keep Your Fat Ass Away From Me And My Family -a sarcastic (but informative) look at healthy eating as prescribed by Nurse Ratched

Be It Known

In the interest of civil discourse, this is NOT, nor should it be construed as, a personal attack on Michelle Obama, but rather a treatise on her completely wrong views, total lack of credentials, stupid policies, radical politics, obvious hypocrisy… and ever increasing junk in the trunk. Any similarity to a personal attack, is purely coincidental.

No fruits or vegetables were harmed in the writing of this post. Promise. Didn’t eat a one.

First Lady, Michelle Obama has decided to interject herself into the political discourse. Up until now, I’ve considered her mostly off limits. I don’t mind if she goes out and helps on the campaign trail, but stay away from my cookie jar!

It’s so on …in a very civil manner.

[The author would like to apologize to Veggie Tales]

Michelle and the Big O or Let Them Eat Cake… I mean Carrots

Every time I turn around, Michelle’s whining about fatty foods, while stuffing her face with them. The Big O for her is the large, circular opening under her nose, where she’s either spouting junk from it, or pushing junk food into it.

A big picture for a BIG First Lady

The Palin Factor

Sarah Palin’s taking a lot of heat over her comments on Michelle telling us how and what to eat. It goes deeper than that though. There’s the Administration’s pushing the FTC to regulate “health foods”.

That’s right hippies, Michelle, The Carnivore thinks she knows more about what you should eat than you do. They’re already after your homeopathic medicine. Guess it’s one size fits all socialism for you too. It’s the Rules.

Rules? PISS ON YOUR FUCKING RULES!

-Cheswick, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Funny thing, homeopathy is from the Greek words homoios (similar) and pathos (suffering). Wow, sure sounds like what’s been pushed on us for some time now -a lot more in the past couple of years. Guess we should start calling Democrat Politicians, Homeopathic Elected Legislative Practitioners -H.E.L.P.!®.

Let’s Move Michelle Obama

Michelle’s behind Let’s Move.gov. She’s propagandizing our kids through food. There’s even a prize if you fulfill your patriotic obligation, through a six week program -it’s a  Presidential Award. Bet it’s not a Happy Meal.

Looks like Let’s Move (or is it Let’s Move On?) has taken marketing strategy ideas from McDonald’s (and other unscrupulous corporations) by enticing kids with gifts and gimmicks.

“Hey, little girl. Want a Presidential Award?”

Keep your filthy hands off our kids, you Food Fascist!

Pyramid Power

“Our effort to improve access to healthy and affordable food is a critically important step toward First Lady Michelle Obama’s goal to solve the challenge of childhood obesity within a generation, said Agriculture Secretary Vilsack. -Healthy Food Financing Initiative

What’s the best way to legislate lanky little lads and ladies?  Build a better pyramid!

One size doesn’t fit all. MyPyramid offers personalized eating plans and interactive tools to help you plan/ assess your food choices based on the Dietary Guidelines for Americans. MyPyramid.gov

Guess I was wrong earlier, one size doesn’t fit all. But they said ObamaCare… I’m so confused.

Bottom Line

Nanny M knows more about feeding your kids than you do, because she grew a garden. That’s all it takes to be an expert, when you’re First Lady.

What, you’ve been growing your own food for years? Whatever. You’re stupid.

In addition to the recent offering by Les James, on Left Wing Hate Speech, I give to you these additional gems of Democrat tolerance and civil discourse. The call for civility in politics is standard fare for the Left. What it really amounts to is an attempt to limit free speech, when said free speech is directed towards politicians and policies that the Left likes. Anything goes if it’s directed at a conservative, republican, or anything related to limiting the size and scope of government.

The Left salivated in the wake of the Tuscon tragedy.

“You never want a serious crisis to go to waste,” Rahm Emanuel

The effort is being made. Let’s not let this tragedy go to waste. Oh, glorious day, a Democrat was one of the targets of a deranged lunatic. Must be one of those evil conservatives. Surely there is a way to tie Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh to the shooter.

How can anyone take these people seriously when they call for us to be more civil?

They don’t want civility. They want a SHUTDOWN of political discourse. They want there to be only ONE side. They want everything to be a political opportunity to seize our liberty from us and turn us all into like minded “civil” drones.

They want us to be dependent upon the government. They want us to take NO personal responsibility for ourselves. They wanted so damn badly for this murderer to be associated with Palin or Limbaugh, or the Tea Party. They wanted it so badly that they still refuse to let it go.

God damn it! There just HAS to be a way to blame Palin for all this. There’s no evidence that there is. Sherrif Dupnik was asked by Wolf Blitzer about the politics of the shooter, if any.

BLITZER: Gabrielle Giffords. But because we heard that he had Mein Kampf and The Communist Manifesto among other books in his possession, based on what you know, was he more influenced by the left or the right?

DUPNIK: I have no way of knowing that, Wolf.

You have no way of knowing what the political leanings of a person who reads the Communist Manifesto are, Sheriff? Well, I suppose I can understand the confusion the Left has about who is infatuated with Mein Kamf. They seem to think we conservatives are into that stuff.

It’s closer to THEIR ideology than ours, but the facts never got in the way of senseless accusations by the Left before, and they’ll be damned if common sense or obvious facts are going to get in the way of them advancing their dogmatic agenda to cripple free speech this time around either.

How civil.

And they have the wrong political wing for whose vision of America that represents. So it’s also stupid. But I would vehemently oppose any political policy that would seek to protect the Left from their own blind hatred and stupidity.

Thankfully, Leftists have a penchant for aborting their own future generations. I wouldn’t want to restrict that right either.

Oh dear. Was that uncivil of me?

Suck it.

Les James reviews the 2010 Extra Terrestrial, Sci Fi, Political Satire movie,  Monsters

Spoiler Alert! If you don’t want to know what this film is about, time to move along. But if you have seen this slap to the face, could a point be driven home any harder, Hitchcock styled, satirical look at our Southern Border -or maybe you’d like to read my humble take before seeing it- here we go.

Definition of Terms

Extra: More than desired or beyond what is usual, normal, or necessary.

Terrestrials: of or relating to organism living on the earth. In this instance people.

Extra Terrestrials: Too damn many unnecessary people.

Used in a sentence: The number of extra terrestrials, living illegally in America, is a major and onerous burden on the states and their rightful citizens.

The Basic Plot:

Sometime in the near future.

About six years ago, NASA found life somewhere, sent out an unmanned craft to collect the tiny things, and brought them back. The spaceship crashed in Mexico. We never know why it crashed, but it certainly had nothing to do with the cuts Obama made in the space program.

So this time, we import aliens into Mexico instead of the other way around. Short-sighted at best, as we soon learn.

These extra terrestrials really do well. They grow-up, big and strong, increase dramatically in numbers, get cocky, and decide to take-over Northern Mexico and head across the border. Pretty well describes the drug cartels.

To move the story along we have our two protagonist, a photojournalist and the daughter of the guy he works for in the States. The photojournalist gets a message to get her back home, since the massive creatures are migrating her way. Reluctantly he agrees.

It then becomes a race to get to the United States before being overrun by hordes of aliens, born in Mexico. Kind of like Food Stamp day at the welfare office.

Along the way, we witness destruction, wasted cities, nasty jungles, corruption, greed, “guides” (human traffickers) with guns and machetes, poverty, death, despair, decent folks caught in the path of destruction, the police and military in disarray, and even a few monsters, i.e., the real Mexico.

After a surreal trip up a river (reminiscent of Apocalypse Now, “Never get out of the boat!”), their guides getting themselves killed by one of these aliens, and some slogging on foot, our heroes make their way up to the border. There they discover the massive concrete border fence (Yeah!) has been breached, and that part of Texas is devastated (Not so yeah).

As our intrepid duo wait for an Army patrol (guessing part of a small force of National Guard sent by Janet Napolitano, during Obama’s Third Term) to pick them up at an abandoned gas station, two of the creatures create Anchor Babies right in front of them!

The cavalry arrives,  they jump into the HMMWVs, and drive off, while a soldier whistles Ride of the Valkyries.

Monsters is hands down the Best Political Satire Film of 2010. I give it four out of four Reagan Stars.

This Movie Has Lessons For Us

1. Aliens coming across the border are destructive. Don’t give me all the worn out excuses, I don’t care. We threw off the shackles of a European Monarchy and so did Mexico.  They let their government get out of control, turn Socialist, run their lives, and get into bed with greedy, Liberal Fat Cat… Oh shit!

2. The film was made for under $500,ooo (the U.S. Government spends that in like four and a half seconds. Really!) and it’s made over 3 and a half mil.

There were only two paid actors, Whitney Able and Scoot McNairy,  a very small crew and the writer/director/cinematographer/editor, Gareth Edwards. It’s amazing the quality one can achieve with a limited budget and the right mindset. Makes me wonder, what could Edwards do for our national budget?

3. Edwards needs to run for Congress. Except he can’t, he’s British. Almost two and a half centuries after we broke away from England, because they were all kinds of screwed-up, a Brit has to show us why we’re all kinds of screwed-up. Ironic or just tragic? Either way, see the flick.

As Dennis Hopper Said In Apocalypse Now:

“This is the way the fucking world ends. Look at this fucking shit we’re in man. Not with a bang, but with a whimper. And with a whimper, I’m fucking splitting, Jack.”