Political Humor

A Tutorial by Barack Obama

Hi. I’m Barack Obama. Ever since the 70′s when my idol Jimmy Carter was President, The American Automobile Association has been giving us the same advice on fuel economy.

Clearly, with oil consumption increasing every year, the people of all 58 States of this embarrassing country still have not stopped clinging to their guns and bibles long enough to learn a new language. Nor have they learned the key to unlimited oil supply.

Today, I am going to show you how we will never need to drill for another drop of oil, forever and ever. Unicorns will frolic, and cats and dogs will play together. It’s easy to follow these simple instructions on maintaining the condition of your motor vehicle.

How to Keep Your Car Running Right, by President Barack Obama

First, pop open the hood. You should see something called an Obama. No, seriously, it’s called a dipstick. See. I made a funny. Pull out the dipstick and wipe it off. Now you put the dipstick in. You pull the dipstick out, check the oil level and you shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you… Ahem.

Make sure the oil covers the dipstick in the textured area between the minimum level and the maximum level. Is your oil at the proper level? Can we do it? Yes we can!

Next check the tire pressure. You don’t want the tires to be over inflated like my ego, or under inflated like my qualifications. For this step you will need a tire pressure gauge. Apply the tire pressure gauge to the valve stem and allow a short burst of air to flow through and measure your tire pressure.

Careful now. Don’t let the tire pressure gauge cling to the valve like a bitter American or you’ll wind up with tires as empty as my campaign promises. Your tire pressure as measured by the gauge should match the manufacturer’s recommendation as printed on the tires.

You may have noticed I have a funny name, and I don’t look like all those other President’s on the dollar bills. That really doesn’t have any relevance to this, or anything at all for that matter, so let’s continue.

You should check the rest of your fluids the same way. Check the levels on your brake fluid, transmission fluid, power steering fluid, and headlight fluid. Did I mention I’m black? But let’s not make race an issue.

Using these tips, we could save all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling, if everybody was just inflating their tires and getting regular tune-ups. You could actually save just as much.

This will be important, because saving 20 cents a gallon at the pump will almost offset the 25 cents per gallon tax I will implement in the first 6 months.

This will be a key part of my Obama 10 years plan to solve America’s energy crisis with hope and change, but mostly just hope. And wind up cars.

I’m Barack Obama and I approve this satire.

Humor-Blogs.com also approves. Thanks and gratitude to Dr. Les James for the Obama Oil Check and Obama Tire Pressure photo enhancement. Wind-Up Car by ToastyKen

* Don Surber uses facts, logic, and numbers to show just how insignificant the gains would be.

Barack Obama, the Democrat Presidential candidate, has realized that winning the Presidency is a forgone conclusion. “It’s in the bag,” he said in an appearance on Face the Nation. He went on to talk about taking a trip to Iraq to talk to important leaders.

Obama continued, “First, I’m going to repeal the 22nd Amendment. Just think of the irony when all my supporters realize that it wasn’t Bush that became a dictator, but me. They’d better get used to it too. I’ll be President of all 58 states for the next 8-10 years.”

Obama will support the Obama for Life campaign by touring all 58 states and handing out new textbooks that teach archaic lessons, like the maximum allowable term for US Presidency and the meaning of the 50 stars on the US flag.

“It’s time to vote for change,” Obama said.

President Obama for the next 10 years.

Humor-Blogs.com knows Obama satire.

Hole in my Life

There was something missing from my life. I knew that there had to be something bigger than me. I wanted to be a part of it. For years I’d heard about this man. The one who could change my life. I had to find him.

As a child I had paid little attention, when he was spoken about. Later as an adult, there were other things that were more important to me. You know, the whole sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle. I hadn’t reached that crisis in my soul yet. When it came, I knew I needed him. He could fill that hole.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

About a year ago -after driving for three days- I found myself outside of the Snake River Correctional Facility in eastern Oregon. I thought he might be there. Thousands of those incarcerated had found him while behind bars. Michael Vick had found him in a place like this. Just the threat of being locked up, caused Paris Hilton to track him down. I felt that my chances were good.

When I had spoken to the warden, he was skeptical at first. He finally agreed that his prison was not only the right place to find him but that he knew him personally and he would allow me in. I was very excited.

I was led through the heavy guarded front gates, across the courtyard of the medium security facility. I won’t go into details about the shocking experience I had as I walked through that hellhole. Finally, the guard opened a last sliding barrier of iron bars. I found myself face to face with a shirtless man. This was Him.

We sat at a table, which was bolted to the floor. The shirtless man sat across from me, manacled. An attached chain reached from the manacles to the floor. He didn’t look like the redeemer that I had envisioned, but he did have a big cross tattooed on his chest.

There were two more things that caused me some confusion. The first was that he pronounced his name with a “hey” sound instead of the “J” I was used to.

The second was that he didn’t speak much like a savior, but he did use the word “Jew” a lot. I remember very vividly him saying, “Wha’da f*%ck jew want?” And just when I thought it was time for me to be going, he said something that brought me back to my youth. I remembered being taught it in church. Something about a body and blood. He stared at me, with his cold, dark eyes and asked, “Jew wanta piece a me?”

It was right then that I knew that this wasn’t the man I sought.

Who Needs Action When You’ve Got Words?

*50 extra credit points for the first one to name the song this section’s title is from.

For weeks afterwards, I wandered through my life; lost in the despair that only having that rug of deliverance pulled out from under ones self can produce. Then, zoning out in front of the TV one mid-morning, I saw a vision. I think it was Oprah. No, not the annoying busybody -her show. On her show I saw him. I saw Barack Obama!

I watched in amazement as he said what ever he said. He said it so well, with such power. I was mesmerized. It was as if I had seen a rock concert performed by a Southern Baptist minister, but without all that religious stuff. I could only recall two of the words – change and hope- but the message was clear, “Follow Me!”

I read everything I could about him. His white mother raising him, along with his racist grandmother. The years of guilt caused by racial confusion. His awakening when he found his wright right church. His rise to the call of public service. I knew I needed to see him in person.

I checked his web page. I found out that he was going to appear at an event out side of Chicago, just a few hours from my house. I packed, left early and camped out, in order to be sure I could get in to see him. What can I say, he was just wonderful. This man has something to offer to everyone! He showed me that there need not be a difference between Democrat and Republican. We could follow him and be as one. I was hooked.

Driving back late that evening, I knew what I had to do. The next morning I told my fascist, corporate loving boss to shove it! I cashed out my stocks, 401k and traded in my 2007 Lexus for a 1982 VW microbus. I’ve been on the road since then.

It’s been very spiritual experience for me. My new friends and me are crisscrossing the country, following him everywhere we can.

Here’s a picture of me in San Francisco at an Obama fundraiser. This was also a ride in support of that very green form of transportation, the bicycle. Like the artwork? This really sweet, gentle guy painted it on for me. That was over three weeks ago. I haven’t washed my ass since, for fear of losing it. He is always on my mind.

I’ll be following him through all 58 states, from town-to-town, rally-to-rally until November. While most of the time I’ve no idea what he’s saying (he’s sooo smart) I know it’s something I can believe in.

Tattoed man picture, Tattoo22.com
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