Political Humor

Unmanned Menstrual Cycle Kills Libyans

The more we at this rag learn about how the indecision was made to bomb Libya, the more we find out it was the women in the administration who were the driving force behind this unconstitutional action.

When you think about it, it makes perfect sense Hillary, and her feminist crones, would nag until they got their way. It’s also a well known fact women tend to sync their periods to the lunar cycle. Add to this, an usual event late last week -when the full moon was closer and therefore more influential then it had been in 9 years- and we had Satan’s own recipe for high flow bitchiness.

Obama says Hillary told him the messiest part will be over in a few days, then the heavy duty U.S. Forces will be swapped out for a much lighter-weight NATO version. The U.S. will then be left to pad around in the background.

Pure bleeding… heart, full-moonbat, lunacy.

[Fiar you're right. Daniel Tosh has pushed the line clean out of sight.]

Trivial Pursuits, Obama Edition

Obama’s Trivial Pursuits (hardly worth much thought or effort) = fixing the economy, creating millions of jobs, learning to bowl better than a Special Olympian, being fiscally responsible, finishing old wars before starting a new one, eating a Philly Cheesesteak, and closing Gitmo,

Obama’s Not So Trivial Pursuits (very important, would actually cross the street for) = Eating cuts of Wagyu beef, that each cost more than his half-brother George in Kenya makes in a year, golf, frequent expensive vacations, basketball, pushing unpopular agendas and appeasing thuggish unions. The National German Socialist Worker’s Party had the strongarm Brown Shirts, where as the National American Socialist Worker’s Party, a.k.a. the Democrat Party, has the bosses at the SEIU, AFL-CIO and teacher’s unions.

[I'm in no way implying that union bosses are workers or even wear brown shirt, but if it steps like a goose...]

Coming Soon: November 2012 Regime Change

Citing a vote finding illegitimacy (read that as you will), a small contingent of beret topped, cigarette smoking French lead a U.N. backed coalition to the White House, to oust Obama. The President reportedly read the strongly worded letter, shrugged his shoulders, picked up his basketball, and headed back to Chicago. Obama was seen smiling as he left through the front gate. A witness to the event stated the now former Commander and Chief told passersby, it was fine with him. “After all”, he said, “just like Libya, the U.N. told me to go and I went. It must be the will of the world.”

The French quickly moved to cut funding to the EPA, build more nuclear power plants, start getting the national debt under control, and lower health care cost by repealing ObamaCare. They also decreed that foreigners must immediately assimilate, or go back to what ever nasty, filthy, disease plagued, fly swarmed, mosquito infested, flee ridden, third-world, hell-hole they came from, even if it was France.

On the down side, Americans will now be forced to eat runny, smelly cheese, bathe once a month -whether we need it or not, jump at our own shadows, drink tiny amounts of some kind of coffee beverage out of feminine cups, and watch Jerry Lewis movies.

[Well, it could be worse.]

Parting Thought

Never throw-away your old dictators, they’ll always come back into fashion.

Welcome to Obama Care. Any day now you’ll be able to walk into a doctor’s office, health clinic, or hospital, and receive absolutely free medical treatment.

Huh? Come -on, I’m trying to write here. What? Are you sure? Well, alright.

I guess I was wrong. In about four years, you’ll be able to get free… Hang on.

What now? You got to stop interrupting. Really?

I’m wrong again. You’ll only receive free health care, if you don’t pay into the tax system. Everyone else is going to get soaked.

Do I have that right at least? No? Oh, okay, but this is the last time.

If you pay nothing in income tax , AND you don’t drive a car, don’t pay electric bills, or make any purchases what so ever, Then you might get free health care.

Yeah thanks for your “valuable” input . Just shut-up and let me tell this will you?

No, not you… Fiar. Have you wondered where he’s been? I’ll tell you. He’s been bugging the hell out of me while I trying to write this post, that’s where.

What? No you can’t watch pay per view porn on my TV. Yeah, I know there’s no more beer or cheese puffs, you saw to that. Don’t blow your nose on the curtains!

Sorry. Look, the point I’m trying to make is…

Holy crap, show tunes? I don’t care if it’s  punk covers, it’s still show tunes. Next you’re going to tell me you blog about wedding dresses.

I apologize… again.  Looks like I won’t be able to give you my usual spot-on analysis this week.  But I will part with this: Obama Care, Cap and Trade, a Value Added Tax and higher income taxes vs The Thing that Won’t Leave. I’m not sure which is worse.

Ahhh! What crawled up your butt and died? Don’t sit there laughing. It’s not funny…

There. I told you, you’d regret  putting your picture up for me to copy and paste.

I own some blogs here and there. Sometimes I even post.

Yeah, I know, the House is going to vote today to take the next step toward European Socialism, through Obama Care. But I thought we needed a break. Kind of funny though, here it’s Sunday and they seem to have decided not to use the Slaughter “Demon Pass” Solution. That’s what they said. I heard it.

Somewhere in the White House

Obama: Rahm, put some clothes on and bring in the next House Member.

Emanuel: mumble, mumble…bring ‘em in yourself, you lazy little…

Obama: What’d you say!

Emanuel: Ah… I was saying I can’t find my pants.

Obama: I hate it when that happens. Wrap a towel around your tush and get whoever’s next in here. I’m not sure how long these batteries will last.

Emanuel: Okay, you. Go up, kiss the President’s ring and have a seat.

Congressman: Yeah fine, but stop poking me in the chest. Ah, Mr. President, what a pleasure it is for me to kiss your…

Obama: Hey, watch it. Don’t tongue my jewels. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get slobber out of one of these rings? Just, just… go sit on that hassock and face me. Rahm, kill the lights.

Congressman: Whoa, it’s kind of dark in here. Anyway, Mr President I can’t tell how much of an honor it for me to have a chance to speak to you, one on one like this, about jobs. My state’s unemployment…

Obama: What ever. Listen, let me make this clear, right after all the other stuff, my primary focus is on jobs. I have a Laser-like Focus.

Congressman: What’s… What’s that little red light on my jacket? Do…ah. Is ah, ah Rahm Emanuel pointing a..a weapon at me? Mr. President, you KNOW I’m here for you. There’s no need to…

Obama: ♫ Relax.
♫ Scheme those schemes
♫ Got to hit me
♫ Hit me
♫ Hit me with those laser beams

Congressman: Huh?

Obama: This just reminds me of an old 80′s, Frankie goes to Hollywood song. Stop your worrying, no one’s pointing a weapon at you. What you’re seeing is my Laser-like Focus.

Congressman: Oh. Oh…you had me worried there for a minute. Oh! I get it. You mean you have a laser pointer you’re using as an idiom for your focus.

Emanuel: I think you mean, analogy. Kant’s Critique of Judgment succinctly argues…

Congressman: Figures you’d quote a philosopher with your name. I believe you may call it a metaphor, but never…

Emanuel: Metaphor? If anything, it’s closer to an allegory than a …

Obama: Both of you, knock it off! It’s not any of those words, it’s my Laser-like Focus dammit, and don’t forget it. Now Congressman, you need to see the light. Rahm.

Congressman: What are you doing behind me?

Emanuel: I’m just going to hold your eyes open so you can see the truth, Alex. Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.

Congressman: My name’s not Alex… Hey, if you have both hands holding my eyes open, what’s poking me in…

Obama: Rahm.

Emanuel: What? I’ve only got two hands. You can’t expect me to hold the towel too.

Congressman: Ah, Mr. President, please watch were you’re shinning that laser pointer…

Obama: Laser-like Focus! Laser-like Focus!

Congressman: Yes, Mr. President, but please don’t shine it in… OH MY EYES! It burns!

Emanuel: Now you’re going to feel a little prick.

Congressman: I think I already…Ouch! What did you inject me with? I feel…ohooooooo…

Emanuel: I think he’s ready. I’ll turn the lights back on. Now where did I drop that towel?

Obama: To answer you question Congressman, you’ve been drugged and blinded by the light. Man, those 80′s tunes are catchy.

Emanuel: Actually, it was recorded in 1973 by Springsteen…

Obama: Great Freaking Teddy’s Ghost, do you ever shut-up? Holy crap. Where was I? Oh yeah. Congressman, repeat after me. I will vote for anything President Obama wants.

Congressman: I will vote for anything President Obama wants.

Obama: I will support the Democrat Party and ensure my President’s legacy.

Congressman: I will support the Democrat Party and ensure my President’s legacy.

Obama: Rahm. Get him out of here and bring in the next one.

Congressman: Rahm. Get him out of here and bring in the next one.