Political Humor

When You’re Right, You’re Wrong

It seems that every day another prominent Liberal labels us conservatives as racist. I support them. They have the right to libel large portions of the population. I know I want that privilege. After all, it’s The American Way.

Their latest assault is the charge that we Radical Right Wing types are racist for not supporting Obama’s Health Care Plan. Hate to piss in your Corn Flakes Libs, he doesn’t have one. We keep hearing about this vaunted, mind-blowing, Wunder-scheme, but I’ve yet to see a copy.

The President is giving a rare speech this Wednesday evening (Alert the Press!). And it’s going to be in front of a Joint Session of Congress. I’ve even heard he’s going to “flesh-out his vision” for health care.

Two things come immediately to mind. First one is, the President is having visions. Now since he believes he’s The Chosen One, where are the visions coming from? Second thing that pops into my mind is, just how do you do that?

Putting flesh on a vision sounds kind of creepy to me. Don’t you usually put flesh on a skeleton? I guess that’s kind of creepy too. But then I finally understood. This man is brilliant. If you put flesh on a skeleton, it takes on structure and a backbone. Obama wouldn’t want that. If you put flesh on a vision, it has no permanent form. It can be shaped anyway he chooses. Like I said, brilliant.

Back to the Racist Thing

So my question to the Far Left would be, how can I be opposed to something (that up until this Wednesday anyway -fingers crossed) I’ve never seen or even knew if it actually existed? Although, rumor has it the President may consider writing his own plan down. Like on paper and everything.

Get ready to hold your breath. Starting…now!

Still, it’s really difficult to take a stand against an intangible. I can be against an idea. Like, I don’t know, maybe Fascism.  But just how this translates to us hating the President because he’s black is beyond me.

Answer: It doesn’t. Like I’ve said so many times before. Obama’s black because he says he’s black. He’s white because I say he’s white. Which nicely explains the racist allegations. Confused? Read on.

But first… breath.

The Truth Comes Out

The only health care plans I’ve seen from the Dems are the one’s the House and the Senate have produced. I guess we’re being labeled as Racist for opposing the Bills from Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid… which the President might support.

Weird as this seems, by their definition, if the President supports a plan from a couple of white folks, then by extension, I must hate white folks. It’s twisted logic, but still logic.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do dislike some white people, but it’s way too much effort to keep up hate. You see, I’m rather lazy.

On the other hand, I’m white. Most of my friends are white. I’ve owned a white truck and white socks. I use to have The Beatles White Album. I live in a white neighborhood. I separate my whites when I do laundry. Hell, I even married a white woman.

Wow! That really sounds bad. I’m trying way too hard to show I’m not prejudice. This can only mean one thing.  I am a bigot after all. Hum, never saw that coming.

Now that my eyes have been pried wide open, let’s take this nastiness out to its logical conclusion. Using my perverse attitude as a mean, we can extrapolate that the entire Right of Center Universe, every conservative –regardless of his or her race, creed or color- must be the same as me. We are Racist!

Damn Crackers.

One of the great benefits of being a powerful, influential member of the Media, as we are here at the Planet’s Best Political Humor, is that it provides the opportunity to get exclusive access to high people in places. Such as the following interview with President Barack Obama.

Fiar: Thanks for coming, Mr. President.

Obama: It is just wonderful to be back in Pennsylvania, and over the last 15 months we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in fifty… seven states? I think, one left to go.

Fiar: New Mexico?

Obama: Whoa! Slow down. There’s a *New* Mexico now?

Fiar: Okay. Moving along. Many people are concerned about the proposed changes to the health care system. Many have dubbed it ObamaCare and feel that the bill will ultimately limit the availability of good medical treatment to those who already have good coverage. How do you respond?

Obama: The doctor said I wouldn’t have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there.

Fiar: Your doctor’s very wise. Do you think it is appropriate to place restrictions on what doctors are available to do in treating patients in order to limit federal expenditures on your socialized medicine scheme?

Obama: Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma. They end up taking up a hospital bed. It costs – When – If you – They just gave – You gave him treatment early – And they got some treatment – And a – A Breathalyzer – Or an inhalator – Not a Breathalyzer. I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours.

Fiar: I think perhaps, YOU need a breathalyzer. Last chance to get in a word on Health Care.

Obama: If there’s a blue pill and a red pill and the blue pill is half the price of the red pill and works just as well, why not pay half price?

Fiar: Probably because the red pill is the one that makes you forget that you’re a slave. But that’s what you really want, isn’t it?

Obama: I’m secretly a Muslim.

Fiar: No Mr. President, Muslims believe in a higher power than themselves.

Obama: So I’m a Christian then?

Fiar: No. Christians believe in the other savior.

Obama: I’m confused.

Fiar: Of course you are.

Obama: I got my head stuck in a bucket.

Well, folks. I think that’s going end our interview, since the Secret Service will have to pry President Obama’s head loose from a bucket…again.

This Sunday, The World’s Number One Conservative Political Humor site, brings you a topic that’s pure Number Two – Obama Care.