Political Humor

Are you sick of hearing about Obama-mania? Tired of all the Chosen One’s infomercials? Me too.

Obama merchandise is everywhere. Bobble heads, thongs, Barack Obama photos, coins, plates, sheets, baseball cards, the list seems endless. You’d think you were in Jerusalem during Easter and these guys were selling pieces of the cross.  Even Billy Mays has gotten in on the act.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any of that shit.

Hi, I’m Les James.  I’ve never tried to sell you anything but today I want to share with you, an alternative means of helping you to stimulate the economy.  If you’re  a conservative like I am, you want to spend you hard earned cash on cool stuff  that you want, not crap that’s shoved down your throats.

Liberals are weak and will buy anything that’s slickly packaged. But we know, you’re too smart to be taken in by some smooth talking pitch man. We’re not even going to try.  We know that it’s the performance of the product that should do the talking, and you want to buy from someone you trust, someone with a proven track record.

That’s why we created RL Gear by Radioactive Liberty.  The staff and management of this political humor blog, wants you to be able to blow your wad on quality items you really want.  And after seeing what we have to offer, blow your wad you will!

[ed: The unfortunate phrasing above is just a metaphor, no actual wad blowing will occur]

Carbon Offset Credits, Global Warming, Climate Change, Cap and Trade.  What a crock!  The lies are so thick, that there’s not enough room left to swing a dead, baby harp seal.

[ed: Not a metaphor. A real, dead baby harp seal was used  in this attempt]

Want to make a statement? Let the left know what you think about it all? RL Gear has the products for you.

Every time those morons in Washington open their mouths they expel (amongst other things) CO2.  When are we going to get Cap and Trade on that? Show you’re not a hypocrite, and crack open a can or bottle today!

How about an econo-box that you’ll actually enjoy driving…up and over the moonbats and hippies in your way, and maybe a few who weren’t? MPG? Hah! More like GMP!

But wait, there’s more!

For the gun-toting, bible clutchers on your list, how about giving them an Obama image, on a gift they’ll really enjoy? Even if you don’t own a shotgun, our clay pigeons are just plain fun to throw at walls… or politicians! On impact, these little beauties shatter into 825 Billion pieces. Just like all of Obama’s promises of hope and change.

Hey guys, we all know how much fun it is to write our yellow names in the snow. It’s a joy few women will ever understand. And remember when you were little and you pretended that you were a fire truck? Relive those bygone days and be  the man you always knew you could be. Go ahead, be a Big Dick guy.

Those maggot-encrusted faeries needed a good washing anyway.

Ladies! Don’t think we’ve forgotten about you. Here’s a little item that you’ll want everyone see.  The sexist males at RL Gear only sell these silky panties in XS, S & M -that’s women’s extra small, small and medium.  And you must be at least 18 years of age to order.

So please, go ahead and give us a peak!

OK, maybe the panties are as much for us guys as that are for you gals. But at least we’re honest. Despite rumors to the contrary, there’s no limp-wristed, man purse carrying, metros around here.  This is real man country. And we love you ladies dearly.

So order yours today!

And if you order before midnight tonight, you won’t get anything else. We’re not into gimmicks. 

This is Les James for RL Gear by Radioactive Liberty saying, stop being such a wuss.  Be conservative  Buy conservative. Buy RL Gear*. You’ll be glad you did.

*The items listed above are priced much like dinning at a fine restaurant, if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. Subject to all applicable local, state, federal, and Obama taxes. But you won’t have to pay them all until Charlie Rangel and Tim Geithner do.

[In an update, looks like Tom Daschle has decide to pay-to-play. He's going to pay taxes and penalties that he "forgot" he owed on the over 2 million he made by speaking to the health industry. He's embarrassed. Isn't that nice? No problem though, there's no conflict of interest here. Everyone should get loads of cash from the very people they are to oversee.]

Want RL Gear for your very own?  Here’s your chance. Just download these funny pictures and keep ‘em for yourself, give ‘em as gifts, or republish ‘em. The cost? Just attribute these images to this site. Nice huh?

Les James is here ever Monday and the rest of the week he’s at his own humor blog, Sideshow Mirrors.

Want an Official Obama plate to hang on your wall? Or how about a few of those coins with the Certificate of Authenticity but you don’t want to pay an arm and a leg for them? Or maybe you just want something unique in the way of Obama-ploitation mementos? Have we got the perfect keepsake for you.

Hi, I’m Billy Mays. I’ve promoted a lot of wonderful products in my time but I’ve never seen anything like this. Image owning a piece of history that you’ll be proud to display on you mantle. Think of what you friends will say, when they see that you have your very own bit of Obama.

Obama-mania is sweeping the nation. But many of these products are limited to short runs and will simply disappear in the next few months. And once they’re gone, they’re gone!

DemTools is very happy to announce that they have reached an exclusive agreement with our new President, for a phenomenal collectible that you can keep on collecting.

What makes this such a national treasure you ask? That’s simple. Like any good renewable resource, this one is very abundant and has little impact on the environment. What could this delightful product be?

It’s the amazing Barack BM, and we won’t be running out any time soon.

Over the course of 8-10 years, the average person poos 2927-4212 times, but not our new President. He’s full of it, and want’s to spread the wealth. Best of all, the more he spreads it, the deeper it gets. Isn’t that fantastic?

We expect at least 20 times the crap from him as compared to any other President in living memory. Matter of fact, every deposit is so large, we divide it up into hundreds of smaller souvenirs. So there’s plenty to go around.

Watch this. Ordinary human excrement is soft and smells bad. [Squishes some in his hand] Wow, that’s nasty!

But not the amazing Barack BM. It’s tough as nails. [Bangs it loudly on the table] Would you do this with a regular bowel movement? [Holds to nose] and Barack BM doesn’t stink! That’s incredible!

After repeated washings, Barack BM still looks as fresh as the day it was made. It’s completely lead free, you can let you kids play with it. Non-toxic, organic and is bio-degradable, it makes the perfect gift.

Best of all, it comes with a Statement of Ingredients; you’ll know just what’s in each pile.

Here’s a testimonial from a satisfied customer. It’s from Mikey, a 9 year old boy from Pennsylvania.

[Billy reads]

Wasn’t that touching?

Approved by the FDA, the Federal Defecation Administration, and it’s certified.  That way you’re guaranteed, that if it’s from President Obama, it’s 100% Pure H#1t.

Order yours today and we’ll throw in a free Michelle Obama tampon! You’d think supplies would be limited but this First Lady’s always on the rag.

Get yours now!

Les has more Obama S#1t available at Sideshow Mirrors

*Les, I assure you I read the whole thing and did not just squeeze this crap out through the queue ~Fiar

There were over 30,000 print news stories on Inauguration Day published world-wide on Tuesday. The record level of teat suckling reminds me of a classic children’s song…

Old Media had a money farm ee i ee i o

And on this farm they had a cash cow named Obama ee i ee i o

With an Obama report here, an Obama report there,

Here a report, there a report, everywhere an Obama report.

Old Media had a money farm ee i ee i o

If you listened to the mainstream media you would believe the President was about to part the waters of the Potomac River and remove the salmonella from peanut butter products.

By the way, the parting of the waters ceremony is brought to you by Progressive Insurance, providing the best flood coverage since 1899.

The media will leave no column or story unturned until it contains some reference to the President in order to sell newspapers and ad revenue.

I turn to the sports pages today, the first section of the newspaper I usually read, and what do I find on the cover? Obama holding up a Steelers jersey with his name stitched on.

I saw a midget at the mall and do you know what he told me? He said that Obama is going to shrink the size of things to within reaching distance for little people.

This is a tall order to say the least. It also shows that no one is immune to the tentacles of the media hypnotism and hype.

To top all that off, have you heard about the two people adrift in an icebox for twenty-five days after their ship sank?

Did the media ask them how they passed the time?

Reporter: “Yes, how did you kill time in the icebox?”
Castaway: “It was rough. Despite the fact we were on a ship transporting board games we managed to grab only Jenga and Don’t Spill The Beans before it sank. Not the best choices I might add under the circumstances.”

Instead of asking the interesting questions however the MSM stuck to their agenda.

Reporter: “Once you were rescued, what were your first thoughts…on Obama’s inauguration?
Castaway: “Well, with being at sea in a refrigerator for almost a month without any food or water , and now finally being rescued, we haven’t really thought about it.”
Reporter: “So you are a racist?”

This is going to be a long four years, or in the words of Obama: “8-10 years“.

[Disclaimer: Yes RL also drinks from the Obama popularity trough but at least we are honest about our motives.  We exploit we do not suckle.]

Chris Cameron writes this political humor column every Thursday here and his own brand of random original funny at his humor blog Angry Seafood.