Political Humor

How the hell is T Boone Pickens supposed to build the 45,654,687,324,753,281,286,456,213,435 windmills needed to provide clean energy to the state of Wyoming if these damn oil companies keep finding these post-peak deposits?

It sure is a problem. The planet was supposed to be running out of oil by now but we keep finding more. Not like we ever actually “ran out” of a previous fuel. People still burn peat. Whales haven’t gone away despite the efforts of the Sea Shepard to continually snatch defeat from the jaws of victory on their behalf. (That’s always fun to watch by the way.)

Anyways…

Recently, a 5-20 billion deposit was discovered off the coast of Cuba. And get this: Obama is letting companies drill in the Gulf again.

Noble Energy Inc. on Tuesday reported an oil discovery at a deepwater well in the Gulf of Mexico that was the first such drilling project to receive a permit after the government lifted a post-BP spill drilling moratorium…

…(the well)Santiago is the third oil discovery in Noble’s Galapagos project in the Gulf of Mexico, including prior successes at Santa Cruz and Isabela. Noble expects all three wells will be online early next year. The company estimates the three discoveries contain 130 million barrels of oil.

You’d think he would hold a press conference between the front and back nine to let us know he’s all over the whole drilling more oil thing. What, they can’t fit a teleprompter in the golf cart?

Baby steps I guess.

But maybe we are actually running out of oil and all these “discoveries” are the work of Sarah Palin and Andrew Breitbart. They are secretly buying oil and are filling undersea caverns with the stuff to make it look like we are not running out, thus furthering the right-wing conspiracy backed by the right-wing media.

Plus, they get a cut of the oil profits, and a stake on the commodities markets so they can manipulate the selling price.

Palin’s bus tour? Breitbart’s book marketing appearances? Distractions from what’s really going on.

Oh, and the money to buy the oil is being provided by a third party subsidiary aligned with the Koch brothers.

That’s the kind of crazy logic you’ll get from the radicals on the left. They want to go back to 1811.

The conservative pundits are bashing Obama for taking a vacation to the UK at the same time the deadly twister hit in Joplin, Missouri. Some are saying he bailed after his spanking by Netanyahu.

Obama does take a lot of vacations but everyone has forgotten one simple piece of evidence from a few weeks ago: He called out his wife’s love of tamales, even going as far as to recommend not getting between her and the Mexican staple.

I’m thinking his wife in retaliation announces she’s going on a vacation to Jamaica. And guys, we all know that the last thing you want is your significant other going there alone. Opie and Anthony proved this point a decade ago. (That link is not safe for work btw.)

So Obama said hey let’s go to Ireland and visit my roots, then to England to hob-knob with royalty instead. And the rest is history…

Maybe Harold Camping was right. From where I stand the craziness signals the end of the world.

(And I thought it was bad the first and second time I asked the question.)

There is, for starters the most-interesting timing award, which goes to Barack Obama for claiming the pre-1967 borders were the starting point for Isreal-Palestinian peace talks.

Always good to whip out that kind of talk during the same week the media is all over an end-of-the-world prediction. Then we hear about Iran and their testing of nuke trigger devices.

This is the same country that thinks black magic and genies are influencing their politics.

We have male reporters attempting to lactate to spice up a story on the topic. And by spice I mean confessions:

It was strange to apply a breast pump for the first time. My nipples aren’t accustomed to regular stimulation, and though I felt like I was defying the natural order, pumping was surprisingly pleasant. Nipples are filled with nerve endings, after all, and the gentle upward tug of the pump was both comforting and erotic.

The end of the world sometimes means throwing up in one’s own mouth, by the way.

People are hiding the gender of their children for fear of some kind of stigma. Or something.

“We’ve decided not to share Storm’s sex for now–a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime (a more progressive place? …),” it said.

That’s right. They’re not saying whether Storm is a boy or a girl…

…”In fact, in not telling the gender of my precious baby, I am saying to the world, ‘Please can you just let Storm discover for him/herself what s (he) wants to be?!.” she wrote in an email.

Coming soon to the 2020 US Census: a box to check off non-gender. End of the world? Maybe. Another label for people who hate labels? Yes.

NPR is actually concerned about perceived bias after taking George Soros’ money last year.

So is the world ending? I don’t know. But these are interesting times. And by interesting I mean effed up.