Political Humor

“God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat” -Henry Louis Mencken, 1880-1956

I heard this adage many years ago, and all but forgot it. Recently I heard it again, and it got me thinking. While I don’t believe God would ever lower himself to be a part of any political party -they all seem rather ungodly to me- Santa is a Democrat fits.

Consider this:

Take Santa out of the red suit, put him in sandals, torn Levis, and a tie-dyed T-shirt, whatcha  got? Hum? An ancient, long-haired, bearded, clay pipe smokin’ hippie. That’s what. Doesn’t sound like any Republican I know. Maybe a few Libertarians…

He eats cookies, drinks milk (that we’re expected to provide for him, on the same day every year. Can you say April 15th all over again?) and gives candy to little kids who sit on his lap. Have you ever heard of Santa sitting down to slab of  beef and a beer? Or maybe a juicy hamburger and fries? Me either, and what about that candy thing? It’s down-right Un-American, more than a little creepy and smacks of veganism. Very Democratic, I’d say.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Wow, Obamacare.

Claus uses religion -by calling himself  Saint Nick- but never will you hear him mention the baby Jesus. In fact, in many places he’s institutionally substituted for Jesus. Santa Claus is the Anti-Christ.

He has no visible means of support. This leads me to believe Santa’s funded by looting programs like Social Security.  So, it’s our money. Then he brings us “gifts” telling us it’s “free”. And what do we get? Crap we don’t want, can’t use, wears-out quickly and always ends-up costing a lot more than “free”. Does he ever ask if we want his “gifts”? Noooo, but we’re expected to be grateful and except ‘em with smiles on our faces. Another name for gifts, is pork.  Santa hates the Jews.

Santa Claus and his “elves” wear disguises, run a huge operation from a secret site, and make toys. If Santa was a Reaganite, he’d be making weapons. That’s how you get Peace on Earth.

Don’t shoot me Santa Claus -The Killers

Which reminds me, if anyone’s interested in the location to the Military Industrial Complex, I’m selling it to the highest bidder. To prove I can be generous, I’ll donate a full 10% to the Undocumented Democrats Voter’s League.

If you were bad this year, who but an enviro-mental Dem, would give you their most hated substance on the planet -coal?  If Santa was conservative, you’d get a copy of a Michael Moore film instead.

He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. If that’s not Orwell’s Big Brother, what is? Don’t even get me started on the Naught and Nice List.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus -Hello, Bill Clinton.

Like George Soros, The Claus shelters his money offshore. Santa has never filed a tax return in the U.S..  He makes Little Timmy Geithner look like an amateur, and makes me sick.

While your kids are sleeping, all snug in their beds, Santa’s creeping around your house, without a warrant.

Then there’s the Al Gore connection. Santa Claus flies around the world, in his private aircraft, espousing the virtues of  non-fossil fuel transportation.  I’m here to tell you, reindeer crap impacting your poinsettias from 15,000 feet ain’t earth friendly.

Next we’re going to be told, being Santa is patriotic, and if we’re not Santa-like, we’re anti-charity, elf-o-phobic, and we hate fat people. Global warming has to be stopped, or Santa won’t have anyplace to live. Christmas will disappear. We have to do it for the children.

If  this overwhelming abundance of evidence still doesn’t convince you that Santa Claus is a Democrat, then you’re obviously a Democrat. As such, there’s almost no hope for you. But take heart in your belief that Santa is real, and free stuff really does mean free. Despite how much it will hurt your eyes to read this, Merry Christmas.

“The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.” -Henry Louis Mencken

Last week at the Tax Day Tea Party rally in Manchester, NH I had a display board with a picture of Barack Obama as Captain Obvious from a post back in January…

I offered pens and post-it-notes for people to come up with their quotes. Here are the ones I received:

“In some small village in Kenya they’re missing one IDIOT!”

“Insanity=Obamacare”

“Got a Birth Certificate?”

“Correction: Our Prez is Captain Oblivious”

“They dedicate their lives to running our affairs” (a twist on a line from the Metallica song “Unforgiven”)

“Socialized medicine is not about health; it’s about keeping you in line. (in more ways than one)”

“Look at all those morons paying their taxes-I paid mine over a year ago!” (homage to Homer Simpson)

“Like it or not we are the leading super power.”

“What’s all that yelling out there? Rahm go shut ‘em up already. Axelrod? Tell ‘em everything’s going okay.”

I think that last one was my favorite.

Now I turn it over to the readers here at RL. What is your quote? The winner gets absolutely nothing except the warm fuzzy feeling inside from knowing they won a blog caption contest. Awwww….

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