Political Humor

In order to maintain our standing as a powerhouse of political humor, we will be providing continuing coverage of the 2008 Pennsylvania primary. We’ll keep you updated throughout the day on Pennsylvania exit polls, and whether or not the Miley Cyrus bra picture is real or photoshopped.

It’s just the sort of thing that perverts and bitter small town Americans should enjoy on this election day.

Let’s get on with the coverage, shall we?

* Scott Ott of Scrappleface gives us a guide to armed, bible toting voting for bitter Pennsylvanians.

* Harvey at IMAO tells us why Democrats are thrilled to have today’s election be relevant. Also at IMAO, Frank J. muses about today’s voting options.

* Mr. Pink Eyes tells a nice story about being from a small town, and somehow failing to be bitter. It’s not directly related to election coverage, and it’s really just a nice story. But it is in keeping with todays theme of Bitter voters and Miley Cyrus flashing some skin. Not so much on the latter.

* Real Clear Politics has audio of Bill Clinton charging Barack Obama of playing the race card. Not so much funny directly as a brilliant self-parody of politics. Except that it was all in seriousness. Politicians make me laugh.

* If your not from Pennsylvania, you can still vote. Gina Cobb has a poll. You could probably still vote anyway. We are talking about Democrats here.

Update 5:00 PM – Current exit polling data shows Miley Cyrus’s bra capturing 60% of the vote. The bra seems to have full control of what we call the “Bill Clinton” demographic. Barack Obama has 50% of the vote, and Hillary Clinton with 40%.

If you’re thinking, “Wait. Those numbers don’t add up,” remember, we’re dealing with Democrats here. Their numbers never add up.

* Ron Paul is raking in 6% of the Republican vote, which begs the question, is Ron Paul still running for President? Why?

* Obama prepares to spin loss as victory. See, Democrats really are the party of defeat.

Update 9:00 PM – Hillary Clinton is reported to have a 57% to 47 % lead over Barack Obama, and is projected to be the winner of the Pennsylvania Primary.

* I did some scientific exit polling at my local polling place. I asked one voter whom she voted for. She told me she voted for Clinton. I probed deeper, and asked why she voted for Hillary Clinton. “Hillary Clinton?” She replied. “I thought I was voting for that couple on TLC’s What not to Wear.” Looks like somebody has the buyers remorse.

* Sources have alleged instances of voter intimidation. It seems that some xenophobic voters are clinging to their guns and preventing Mexican mushroom farmers from voting. Carrying signs that say, “Si, se puede,” the bitter hillbilly’s are responding with “No, see. Say pway-don’t”.”

Clearly these are operatives of Rush Limbaugh’s “Operation Chaos,” because Democrats never engage in voter intimidation.

* Miley Cyrus’s bra has been ruled ineligible to run, as the signatures to get on the Pennsylvania ballot were not turned in on time. Has Hillary Clinton stolen the election? Is it a vast right wing conspiracy? Stay tuned for more…

We’ll continue to keep you updated on today’s Election. You can help. If you’ve seen or written something related to the Pa Primary, please DO share it in the comments.

Are you enthusiastic about today’s Democrat Pennsylvania Primary vote?

Are you brimming with eagerness for hope and change? Does the political campaigns season invigorate and energize you? Maybe your excited that this year, your vote actually counts. Do you really believe, “Yes we can?”

The Pennsylvania Primary is so far behind the other primaries, that it usually doesn’t even matter, but this year is different. Right?

Unless you are a small town Pennsylvanian. If you cling to guns and religion, you will cast a bitter vote indeed. But don’t worry, we have just the thing for you. Before you head to the polls, slam down a few nice, ice cold Pennsylvania Bitter Beers. Now available in all 50 states.

Click to enlarge image.

Just make sure you don’t go out of the house with bitter beer face.
Pennsylvania Bitter Beer. For small town, xenophobic Americans like you.

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Thanks to Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty correspondent Les James for the photo.

A recent Rasmussen telephone poll revealed that 56% of voters “cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

The poll asked participants how they felt about Barack Obama’s recent controversial comment about “bitter Americans clinging to guns and religion.” 56% of respondents disagreed with Senator Obama’s statement about small town Americans.

The survey goes on to show that 25% of voters hate small town, gun clutching, bible thumping, xenophobes, and agreed with The Democrat Presidential frontrunner.

19% are not sure whether they hate more: America or foreigners.

In completely unrelated news, Barack Obama is trailing Senator Hillary Clinton by 20 points in the run up to the Pennsylvania Primary.

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