Political Humor

I believe that we can all agree that Climate Change is happening. Growing up in Southern California, I can see how folks there could be deceived. I was. With only two seasons -summer and not summer- it could be confusing.

But now that I’ve lived in such diverse places as Texas, Louisiana, Alaska, Korea and Germany, I’ve come around, I see that it’s true. I’m now a believer in climate change.

Here in Central Oregon we get a lot of it. But with global warming accumulating and melting -almost daily now- I find that I’m at peace with my world.

How could this be? I own a four wheel drive truck, two other cars and have a wood burning stove.

It’s easy.

I’ve listened to the wise advise of Al Gore and his minions, and live in a forest. That’s right, this is the second house I’ve owned with trees. Lots and lots of trees. So that means I’ve purchased carbon offsets. I live a completely guilt free life. I’m having zero impact on CO2 levels. Why, I even have plants inside my house.

President Obama has tremendous respect for the environment- very little for human life, but a lot for the planet. He takes a Big Picture view. He’s going to lead the world into a greener future. I’m sure he picked-up a majority of this information from the Internet, which brings us back to Gore.

If Big Brother Al can live -enviro-mentally friendly- in a home the size of Versailles and fly around the world in his own private Space Shuttle -all by planting a few trees or investing his money in wind farms and such- then I’m totally in the clear with this administration.

Al Gore has shown me that being Carbon Neutral is the way to go. He has no negative impact on the amount of CO2 released into the atmosphere. But then again, he has no positive impact either. He’s neutral, which equals a big, fat zero. So hey Al, thanks for nothing!

I’d like to ask just one, little thing. Since I’m such a wonderful person for doing my part, get off my back, all of you self-righteous pricks, who live in cities and blog at Starbuck’s, complaining about how “Other People” need to do more.

I would suggest you shut your liberal college educated pie holes, before you end up on some list

Cities are the leading cause of pollution and green house gasses. Get rid of the places like LA, Las Vegas, New York and San Francisco and we go a long way toward “solving” this “crisis”. Sorry, if that means all you moonbat, bleeding hearts, hug a polar bear types got to go too. It shouldn’t be a problem since you believe in Shared Sacrifice for the Greater Good.

And if you see flaws in my reasoning, and think you’re so much smarter then me, remember, it’s the intellectuals that go first, When kom da revolution. I would suggest you shut your liberal, college educated pie holes, before you end up on a list.

But until you can grow a pair and do the right thin,g by offing yourselves, here’s three ways you can lessen you impact.

Boycott night games: Sports used to be played in the daylight. Demand that your local teams decrease their energy consumption and carbon emissions by playing while you’re at work. This will have a two-fold beneficial effect. First, think of the great, positive impact this will have by not using all those lights. And secondly, there’ll be far fewer people using their cars to get to those games. Taking it a step further, just boycott the games themselves. They’re simply a way to line the pockets of large corporations that are owned by rich, white men, and besides, they exploit minorities.

Why quit there? Boycott all products and services from all corporations. You’re already doing that for Walmart, right? I mean, why stop with just baseball, football and basketball? If it’s good enough them… Let’s face facts. Corporations are the devil and you’re righteous, and so you must shun the works of the evil one.

The third way you can help, shows the true extent of the malevolence nature of the wickedness that is CO2 poisoning. Please, I beg you, don’t purchase or consume any product containing CO2. Every time you crack a cold one, you’re destroying the polar ice caps. If you go to a BBQ that uses anything other than solar cookers and serves beverages stiffer than Kool-aide, you’re a vicious, murdering son of a bitch.

Finally, you’ll reach a point where you will understand that the very act of breathing is a violation of nature. Now you’re ready to truly be involved in Shared Sacrifice for the Common Good.

I know there has to be a lot more really well thought out suggestions on how to save the planet from Climate Change. Got a better idea or two? There’s a comment box just waiting to be filled to the brim with your wisdom. You’ll be doing your part to help assauge the guilt of the left.