Political Humor

One of the criticisms I keep hearing about Sarah Palin and Barack Obama is that they lack experience, and I agree that this is a quality that simply cannot be overlooked in political campaigns. Especially when we are talking about the Leader of the Free World.

For example, President George W. Bush has about 7 and a half years of experience, and his Presidential capabilities have never been more finely honed. He’s never performed with such deft precision and efficiency. In fact, I think we can all agree that the country is now running smoother than Joe Biden’s head before hair plugs.

Not a single economic functification to be found.

We can also look to the Bush Presidency for another example. I remember after the shock of 9/11 wore off, the public outcry that if only the President had more experience, it never would have happened. If only Clinton had been able to serve a third term, it could have all been prevented. Speaking of Clinton, his second term was simply phenomenal.

I think back to my days in school, studying history, and how our teacher explained that if only Hitler had been more experienced, and Truman less experienced, we would all be speaking German now. Fortunately, Hitler had very little experience conquering countries and Truman had 82 days of Vice Presidential experience before taking the helm.

Since experience trumps policy positions, leadership skills, charisma, and virtually any other quality that some less intelligent folks base their vote upon, I suggest switching up the ticket. One one hand we will have McCain-Biden. Neither have any experience doing anything in the executive branch, but they have plenty of experience driving this country into the ground, and negotiating earmarks to persuade them to vote for horribly craptastic and extravagant bills.

On the other side, we will have Obama-Palin. One plus is that we won’t have to hear the stupid fear mongering of sycophantic Obamorons regurgitating “One heartbeat away from the Presidency. Squawk! One heartbeat away from the Presidency. One heartbeat away from the Presidency. Squawk!”

It will be the right wing nuts uttering the phrase and mumbling something or other about Vince Foster. As a double bonus, all we need to do is take away the teleprompter and hilarity will ensue as both of them struggle, like a retard punching his way out of a wet paper bag, to form a sentence that is even semi-coherent. Triple bonus, VP Sarah Palin is hot.

In fact, I’ve come up with some political advertising for these fip flopped campaigns.

McCain-Biden Political Advertising

Obama-Palin Political Advertising

I for one would look forward to seeing whether we would end up with a messianic black man, and his hot female running mate in the White House, or two old bald white men. That would be so cliché.

Come to think of it, since experience is so critical to political campaigns, maybe we should just give Bush a third term.

Political Campaigns are concerted and organized efforts designed to affect the decision making process of a government, or any other organized group or institution. One type of political campaigns in democratic nations is the election campaign itself, where the electoral candidates run based on changing or maintaining an agenda. Other types of electoral political campaigns include referendums, where the voters vote directly on the passage of a law.

Political campaigns date back to the very beginning of human civilization, and is not limited to governmental institutions. A push for removal of the CEO of a corporation, such as the attempt to drive Michael Eisner from the head of Disney is one example of a non-governmental political campaign.

Platforms

Platforms are a political agenda stating the primary objectives of a political campaign. The platform is the main message and focus of a campaign. Generally, the platform may have many “planks.” For example, there could be a stance on tax policy, foreign policy, nationalized health care, gay marriage, and other foreign policy agendas. Each one of theses individual parts of a platform is referred to as a plank. The organizers of the political campaign need to get the message of their agenda out, so they will resort to several methods of marketing their agenda to the public. These campaign strategies include slogans and soundbites which hope to convey in short, marketable, memorable form, the main idea of a much more detailed plank of the platform.

These political messages are subjected to extensive market testing, and focus groups before they are publicly used on a large scale. Many of the more high profile political campaigns will even pour millions of dollars into researching these focus groups and opinion polling data. The goal is to have the most effective message reach the most important targeted voting bloc or demographic in order to receive a majority of votes on election day.

Soundbites

Media outlets, and political campaigns alike make extensive use of soundbites. Soundbites are brief excerpts from speeches or interviews. These soundbites can be used to support a candidate or position, or to create a marketing strategy against it. Soundbites sometimes take the words out of context, creating a whole new, and unintended meaning. The reason for using soundbites is that they are short, memorable, and encompass an entire idea in just a few words. Some examples of soundbites are:

• The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
• Mr. Gorbechev, tear down that wall.
• Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.

Campaign Finance

Political Campaigns cost a lot of money to run successfully. Some of the techniques used for raising money to finance the campaign include meeting with big donors, soliciting donation requests from small donors by phone, mail, or email, and forging alliances with interest groups. Activists are individuals highly devoted to a cause and evangalize the message through public demonstrations, doot to door canvassing, and phone calls. Often the goal of such canvassing is not to persuade a switch of positions with a potential voter, but to motivate those who would vote in your favor to get to the pols to cast that vote. This strategy is called Get Out the Vote or GOTV. Of course, the internet is rapidly becoming a major tool for the advancement of political campaigns.

Here, in the United States, political campaigns often begin months, or even years before the actual election day. First a candidate will need to decide to run. This process will usually involve seeking the advice of friends, advisors, colleagues, family, elected officials, and political party officials. Often, the candidates are recruited by political interest groups, or the political parties based on having a similar agenda.

There are many things to consider when deciding to run for office, such as the ability to fund the campaign, and the campaign organization and strategy. Many campaigns silently fail right from the start because most people do not feel the confidence that it is possible to win, whether due to lack of funds, too strong an opponent, or public image. However, some proceed past this initial phase anyway attempting to rally a small grass roots movement to raise awareness of their campaign, and platform.

After making a decision to run, candidates will publicly announce their political campaign. This could range from being a simple press release to a major media event. Usually the announcement is followed by a speaking tour. One of the confusing things is that many campaigns begin well before there is an official announcement of the candidacy. Prospective candidates do this to get a sense of their potential for going into a full fledge political campaign, and also to get additional media attention. Election rules can prohibit candidates from being allowed to officially seek an office before a prescribed period of time, and this is one of the little tricks to circumvent such laws.

Political Fundraising

One of the most important parts of a political campaign is the ability to fund it.This means needing to raise large sums of money, especially for the early stages of a campaign. This is because a floundering campaign doesn’t get potential donors excited about a candidate, thus leading to poor political fundraising, and ultimately, the demise of an election run.

I hope this has been informative. Feel free to ask questions in the comments section. If you enjoy conservative political humor, please hit the homepage, or browse some of the recent posts in the sidebar. I also encourage you to subscribe to instant updates either through email or your favorite RSS reader.