Political Humor

A Fascist Black Guy, a Radical Jew and a Greasy White Dude walk into the White House… Sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke, and it is. So, what’s the punchline? We get screwed. Told you it was bad.

In case you’ve been a hermit for the last year or so, the joke’s about Obama, Emanuel and Axelrod. As Chris C has observed, it’s not very funny when you have to explain it. Then again, what’s happening to our country isn’t very funny either.

Hey, there’s an upside -as in up your’s and up mine. I’ve been bent over the pork barrel so often that I’ve got splinters from my chin to my shins. There’s a region in between those two areas that’s really complaining, both the front and the back. Which brings me (slowly) to today’s observation. It’s about getting screwed by people who’ll even lie to you about respect in the morning. And here I thought prostitution was illegal in DC. Guess not, since we’re paying these ass clowns very well to pork us.

Speaking of aberrant sex practices, I think I finally understand all the fuss about those gay, lesbian, trans-gender, and other twisted individuals, rights. Personally, I don’t understand the attraction, but then again I’m an evil mongering, racist, bigoted, homophobic terrorist suspect. And even worse, a conservative. Gasp! So what do I know? But I’ve got a handle on the fuss -and it’s attached to a ten foot, one inch pole.

It’s all about gender-bending in Washington, DC. Something happens to people there, and it’s happening below the Beltway. Our elected representatives are afraid that the good folks who sent them to those offices will laugh and call them names, if they don’t enact laws to stop them. Why? It’s simple. Once they get there, they change.

Here’s what I’ve observed: Elected Democrat women turn into dicks and elected Republican men turn into pussies. You’ve seen the results for yourself. Nancy Pelosi is the biggest dick I’ve come across in a long time.

Name for me more than a handful of Republican men in the House, who aren’t ready to drop trow and willingly let Nancy ram home some extremely painful legislation. Can’t, can you? That’s because they’re pussies! At least Barry Frank is honest about liking it. The only time he’s eager to cross the aisle, is when he’s rushing to get in line.

It’s the same in the other chamber. Harry Reid -who secretly is a very ugly woman, with a giant strap-on- runs around shoving it down the throats of almost every Republican in sight. And they don’t even gag. Larry Craig taps out code with his foot for seconds.

Okay, I’ve been beating around the bush long enough. The title ask, How are Democrats and Republicans Different? Here’s the answer: Dems like to screw everybody in sight, and Repubs -male, female and whatever- are eagerly sticking it where the sun don’t shine. So by being submissive -rolling over and exposing their throats and genitals- Republicans still screw us. The bottom line ends up with very little practical difference.

If all this makes you want to gag, join the club. It’s big and getting a lot bigger. Promise, no hazing.

Bonus Feature.

Bonus -as in extra, not the Government Bonus. You know the one. We bend over, they bone us. Fine, it’s an old joke, but it’s still funny.

Thanks to my little brother for the inspiration for this image.

What do Sarah Palin, Waterloo, Joe Biden’s big mouth, President Obama’s bus, Valley Girls, Ozzie, abortion, Jimmy Carter, and a host of other references have in common? How the hell should I know? I just wrote this disjointed post.

And All The People Say, “He’s Pretty Fly For A Half-White Guy”

Come-on, we voted the male equivalent of a Valley Girl, or Pauly Shore, into the highest office in the world. For sure, he’s young, good looking, clean and articulate (same as a Valley Girl, not Pauly) so like, what did you expect?

You take away the teleprompter and he turns into Potsie Webber, and Obama Care is going to be his jump the shark moment.  Yeah, I know that was Fonzie. Still, these might yet end up being your’s and my Happy Days.

Really, did anyone actually believe Obama was going to be the answer to any question other than boxers or briefs? And do we really want to know? I’m leaning toward thong. There’s certainly something wedged in there.

He Sliding In To A Burning Ring Of Fire

No way was his Rock Star status going to last. Even sheeple demand a little more substance in their leaders, and a little less of a TV celebrity with stupid ideas. I wonder how Obama feels to be lower in the popularity polls than Jimmy Carter, at this point in his presidency? Once you reach the top of the political ladder there’s only one way to go. We can only hope he goes there quickly. Many have been willing to give Barack implicit, if not explicit, directions to that destination for some time.

Anyone know the melting point of polyester?

And could I be any more cliche?

Yep. Or as Sarah Palin would say, “You betcha”.

You Put Your Left Foot In. You Take Left Your Foot Out.

Just when I thought that Joe Biden was the one who had soggy feet from having them constantly in his mouth, the President begins to swap Wingtips. Here are a couple of his latest.

Senator Jim DeMint, (Republican), “If we’re able to stop Obama on this (Obama Care), it will be his Waterloo”. Obama countered with, “Let me tell you something, I’m from Chicago. I don’t break.” Insert “Huh?” here.

Oh wait, I get it.

Chicago, Hog Butcher for the World. I suppose he’s right in one way, pork doesn’t break. But pigs do, when they’re in the form of a bank, and isn’t that what we’re actually talking about? Insert foot here.

What this comes down to is historical perspective. Waterloo didn’t work out so badly for the Duke of Wellington and Gerhard von Blucher, but Obama jumps right to the conclusion that he’s Napoleon in this scenario. Like we should expect anything else from him. Bonaparte was short in stature, while Obama is short in other areas. Insert your favorite area here.

Just the other day, at a press conference, President Barack Obama (Fascist), said that the Cambridge police “acted stupidly” in arresting Henry Louis Gates, Jr, a good friend of his… oh, and Harvard professor.  The same guy who reportedly told Sgt Crowley (the arresting officer) something like, I’ll talk to yo mama outside. Obama admitted he was flapping his gums before he even knew all of those pesky “facts”. Insert other foot here.

It was matter of the Pres using common sense. Hehehe, that was a joke. When you open your mouth in front of cameras -without first checking the “facts”- you stand to look like a dump ass. Mission accomplished. Insert your favorite pejorative here.

Watching Obama’s daily televised speeches are more fun than midget tossing. The next day he tossed Gates under the bus. It must be getting crowed under there. What with his racist white grandmother, his racist black pastor, everyones favorite terrorist, and a former governor with great hair, all vying for tread time. Insert your favorite moonbat here.

Going Off The Rails On This Crazy Train

In a rare lucid moment, Ozzie will re-release Mr Crowley, from his break-out Blizzard of Oz album. He has written new, updated lyrics. Here’s a taste:

Sgt. Crowley, you got in over your head
(Oh) Sgt. Crowley, Gates will twist what you said
Your life will be turn outside in
By a press corps
That’ll make your words spin
(Yeah) Then wait and see how much more

Recording is scheduled for whenever Ozzie can find his way to the studio.

Doctor, Doctor Please

Dr. Regina Benjamin- the President’s pick for Surgeon General- may not even be able to get health care under the Obama plan. Why? Because she just doesn’t take care of herself like he says she should. I guess you have to take the fat away from dumb in order to be treated by Obama’s doctors. Happy left this party a long time ago.

In related news (that doesn’t involve Michael Jackson -who by the way, is dead) A fantastic new engine has been developed, called the Cyclone. It will be able use any biomass as fuel.  Under Universal Health Care, abortions will get paid for, but treating the elderly won’t. Can you say,*Oilent Green? I thought you could.

See, Joe Biden can be upstaged.

*Oilent Green will be used in all Cyclone engine powered vehicles from Obama Motors, starting in 2011.

The following is very loosely based upon the outstanding writing style of Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

It was a dark and stormy night along the Southern Front, where heavy machine guns in National Guard manned towers, pointed to the North, in an effort to keep money and USA made weapons from tempting, honest, eager-to-work, underprivileged citizens of the Americas into entering a life of crime and die by the hundreds, to satisfy the desires of American liberals for a little, harmless high -unlike evil, law abiding, tolerant, gun loving, subversive conservative, suspected right-wing terrorist, who prefer to drink beer when they watch cars going around in circles and bar-b-cue brats, instead of smoking reefer or snorting cocaine from a mirror in some rat-infested, germ-ridden, big city night club restroom like Blue State hippies and high government officials (no pun intended, seriously) of the Democrat persuasion like to do, who then in a drug-crazed rut, hook-up with anything that has a pulse, only for many of the females of this sub-species to later regret their one night stands and visit dark alleys, where universal health care providers with unsanitary coat hangers wait.

So what the hell does this have to do with illegal aliens, undocumented workers, Democrat voters in waiting? Well, one would think all that fire power might deter them from entering our their country, right? There has to be some way to bring in the necessary employees to do the jobs Americans Lazy Americans won’t do, doesn’t there? Am I ever going to answer any of these questions? Is that what you want me to do?

Too bad. I don’t want to. At least, not in a couple of words.

It was the same dark and stormy night, just south of the border, where hard-working, men, women and children waited for a chance to make a lasting contribution to the entire world by borrowing the social security numbers of dead babies and thereby entitling them to vote in every Illinois election -several times on the same day- while simultaneously relieving sloth-like white guys of the burden of having to labor, by allowing them the opportunity to collect an unemployment check because they were laid-off from their jobs that paid too much or were outsourced (in-country) to foreign workers who want to just get through the border -that is heavily armed by racist, terrorist-in-training- without being subjected to the scrutiny afforded to their countrymen that supply the drugs for Liberal Americans that want to make themselves feel better about the terrible way these noble people are treated in their country -on both sides of the border- so they instituted a system to identify those immigrants, deserving the opportunity to re-claim the land that was stolen from them -after they stole it from the Indians, who stole it from the Norwegians- by giving them a “Get into Texas Free” card, so they can flash it at the new Check Point Charlie, near El Paso and enter this country unmolested.

If you didn’t get the message, all you liberals who use drugs are supporting terrorist activities, both foreign and domestic -and yes, I am saying drug cartels and gangs are terrorist too and no, conservatives as a rule, don’t use illegal drugs. This makes you an accessory to the mass murder of thousands of people world-wide.  I am also saying that there is nothing noble, proper, lawful, right, just or fair about “immigrants” sneaking into my home and taking what does not belong to them. Oh, and if you think this makes me a racist, que te jodan, Puta!

Have a nice day!