Political Humor

In a previous Simple Solution Les suggested a way to deal with the border problem. I have another and it is something our President suggested….

I know Barack Obama was joking when he said Republicans would not be satisfied unless the US Border was a moat filled with alligators.

But come on that is one hell of an idea.

And what if he wasn’t joking?

Last week, Obama gave the orders to take out Bin Laden. Sure, he hemmed and hawed on the decision for sixteen hours but he did finally say yes.

Then he made fun of his wife in public, advising America not to get in between her and a tamale. But it’s okay, he said because she’s exercising.

(On a side note, no word from the AP on how many nights Obama slept on the couch for that indiscretion.)

Then this: a moat filled with alligators along our southern border.

Maybe he is serious about the idea. And now that he floated the premise we need to fine tune things a bit.

First, we have to have more than just alligators. We need piranha, those eels that swim up people’s penises, and perhaps sharks with laser beams. I’d include the Loch Ness Monster but he was killed by Global Warming.

Second, we can turn border crossing into a contest. Make it across, get a Green Card. We could even televise it as a reality game show.

This is a win-win for everyone. The US gets a secure border, anti-immigration people get their reduction in illegals, pro-immigration people get their path to citizenship for those who do make it across, and the average Joe watching television gets a new Spike TV reality show with a great lead-in from 1,000 Ways to Die.

If you think Obama was not born here you are a Birther. If you think Bush was responsible for 911 you are a Truther. There are Deathers, people who think Bin Laden is still alive. (He’s hanging with Elvis in Pontiac, Michigan. )

Now there is a new group for people who think any flak aimed at Barack is fueled by racism: Racers.

Here at Radioactive Liberty we have created a test for people to determine if they are a Racer.

Question #1: Are you Whoopi Goldberg?

If you answered yes to this question you are in fact a Racer.

Question #2: True or false: White conservatives secretly voted against Obama in 2008 and Democrats were able to counter the covert racism by illegally flooding the election results with extra votes.

If you answered true you are a Racer and also probably so far to the left you make Obama look like a Moderate. I hear Cuba is very nice this time of year. Make sure you bring toilet paper though.

Question #3: True or False: The news coverage of the Birther controversy was a distraction from the real issues.

If you answered true then you are not only a Racer but ignorant.

Two billion people watched the Royal Wedding. Millions of Americans woke up at the crack of dawn to see it. Every news channel and TLC were devoted to live wall-to-wall coverage.

But somehow Birther talk was the big distraction that week. Elle. Oh. Elle.

Question #4: True or False: You look at the Royal Wedding and wonder where the black people are.

If you answered true you are a Racer. Perhaps you should be asking liberal buddy Prince Charles why that is by the way. Maybe he’s too busy worrying about having less than 96 months to live to come up with racial quotas for the royal family. I don’t know.

If you answered “false” or “no” to all of these questions you are not a Racer. Congratulations.

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Do you have a quiz question to determine if someone is a Racer? Leave yours in the comments below.

Earth Day was first celebrated on April 22, 1970, the 100th anniversary of the birth of Lenin. No coincidence of course.

Ira Einhorn a.k.a. the Unicorn Killer was the emcee for the event and was so smitten by the cause he composted a girlfriend he killed rather than simply bury her.

Because we all know that cemeteries are not eco-friendly. And dead people do not create a carbon footprint.

And so a tradition was born.

Every year since then a bunch of eco-crazies, their supporters, and hypnotized followers gather to commiserate over the slow composting death of the planet or something like that.

And they just don’t stick to one day either.

It’s like an Earth Month.

In Indianapolis they were taking hair samples for mercury testing:

When the Sierra Club’s nationwide campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of mercury arrived on Friday, just in time for Earth Day, more than two dozen residents showed up to have their hair tested…

In all, 28 people showed up to have their locks shorn on Friday and shipped off to the University of Georgia Marine Extension Service Laboratory in Brunswick, where researchers will analyze them for the toxic chemical element, one of the many pollutants generated by the country’s coal-burning power plants.

Mercury, which has been found to be especially dangerous for pregnant women and children, is best tested through hair samples because that’s the way the chemical is excreted from the body, Sierra Club spokeswoman Rachele Huennekens said.

Best tested? Rachele apparently failed to do a Google search. From Web MD on the topic of hair testing for elements:

Hair analysis has become more reliable and acceptable over the past 20 years. But there are still issues that raise legal and ethical questions about its use, including possible false positives and different results for people with different hair colors or ethnic backgrounds…

The American Medical Association (AMA) is against the use of hair analysis to make recommendations about the need for medical treatment. The organization states that the use of hair analysis for this purpose is an unproven practice and may lead to health care fraud…

The significance of most of the findings from hair analysis is unclear. It is difficult to interpret a hair analysis for the presence of heavy metals without other testing.

I wonder if the participants were asked if they had CFL light bulbs in their homes? Probably not because the mercury in those things are okay because they were approved by liberals.

If someone has mercury poisoning it had to have come from the coal-fired plant fifty miles away. It can’t be from the ten curly fry mercury-filled light bulbs in their eco-friendly house.

What a bunch of amateurs.

Happy Earth Day, or Month or whatever.

H/T Jammie Wearing Fool for the link to the Einhorn story.