Political Humor

Unmanned Menstrual Cycle Kills Libyans

The more we at this rag learn about how the indecision was made to bomb Libya, the more we find out it was the women in the administration who were the driving force behind this unconstitutional action.

When you think about it, it makes perfect sense Hillary, and her feminist crones, would nag until they got their way. It’s also a well known fact women tend to sync their periods to the lunar cycle. Add to this, an usual event late last week -when the full moon was closer and therefore more influential then it had been in 9 years- and we had Satan’s own recipe for high flow bitchiness.

Obama says Hillary told him the messiest part will be over in a few days, then the heavy duty U.S. Forces will be swapped out for a much lighter-weight NATO version. The U.S. will then be left to pad around in the background.

Pure bleeding… heart, full-moonbat, lunacy.

[Fiar you're right. Daniel Tosh has pushed the line clean out of sight.]

Trivial Pursuits, Obama Edition

Obama’s Trivial Pursuits (hardly worth much thought or effort) = fixing the economy, creating millions of jobs, learning to bowl better than a Special Olympian, being fiscally responsible, finishing old wars before starting a new one, eating a Philly Cheesesteak, and closing Gitmo,

Obama’s Not So Trivial Pursuits (very important, would actually cross the street for) = Eating cuts of Wagyu beef, that each cost more than his half-brother George in Kenya makes in a year, golf, frequent expensive vacations, basketball, pushing unpopular agendas and appeasing thuggish unions. The National German Socialist Worker’s Party had the strongarm Brown Shirts, where as the National American Socialist Worker’s Party, a.k.a. the Democrat Party, has the bosses at the SEIU, AFL-CIO and teacher’s unions.

[I'm in no way implying that union bosses are workers or even wear brown shirt, but if it steps like a goose...]

Coming Soon: November 2012 Regime Change

Citing a vote finding illegitimacy (read that as you will), a small contingent of beret topped, cigarette smoking French lead a U.N. backed coalition to the White House, to oust Obama. The President reportedly read the strongly worded letter, shrugged his shoulders, picked up his basketball, and headed back to Chicago. Obama was seen smiling as he left through the front gate. A witness to the event stated the now former Commander and Chief told passersby, it was fine with him. “After all”, he said, “just like Libya, the U.N. told me to go and I went. It must be the will of the world.”

The French quickly moved to cut funding to the EPA, build more nuclear power plants, start getting the national debt under control, and lower health care cost by repealing ObamaCare. They also decreed that foreigners must immediately assimilate, or go back to what ever nasty, filthy, disease plagued, fly swarmed, mosquito infested, flee ridden, third-world, hell-hole they came from, even if it was France.

On the down side, Americans will now be forced to eat runny, smelly cheese, bathe once a month -whether we need it or not, jump at our own shadows, drink tiny amounts of some kind of coffee beverage out of feminine cups, and watch Jerry Lewis movies.

[Well, it could be worse.]

Parting Thought

Never throw-away your old dictators, they’ll always come back into fashion.

In the Oval Office. Wednesday January 27, 2010. Just before the State of the Union Address which is scheduled to begin at 9pm Eastern time.

An advisor goes over some of the last remaining business of the day with President Obama.

What should we do about the earthquake that devastated Haiti, Mr. President?

We’ll have to investigate what role Climate Change played in this catastrophe. Assemble a bipartisan committee to research this troublesome matter.

But, Mr. President, What if Global Warming — I mean “Climate Change” had nothing to do with the earthquake?

Come now, you can twist statistics and data to support anything, especially with the right funding, if you know what I mean.

Of course, sir. Government grants can certainly inspire hope, and CHANGE of relevant data when there are threats of withdrawing next year’s grants.

It wasn’t necessary to explain to me what *I* meant.

Of course not, Mr. President. I was just noticing that bucket in the corner and was concerned that you might get your head stuck in it. I was thinking that I should call maintenance and have it removed.

What bucket?

That one over there, Mr. President.

I see no problem with that bucket. I’m quite certain that there is no possibility of it getting stuck. Look. I’ll prove it to you.

No! Mr. President. Dammit! Too late.

See. I told you it wouldn’t get stuck. It comes right… Uh. See you just lift it. Maybe if you just wiggle a little as you lift, then that will… No. Give me hand here. I wouldn’t want to say that this bucket is stuck on my head, but I think an extra pair of hands might just do the trick.

It’s not coming off Mr. President. I think it’s stuck.

No. Just jostle it side to side as you pull. It will pop right off then.

Still not working. I’m pretty certain that it’s stuck. I never should have mentioned it. I know you have a knack for doing these sort of things.

We need to get this off. I have a State of the Union Address coming up and I need to consult the Mighty TelePrompter as to what my postitions are on a few issues. I don’t know where I stand yet. There’s no time!

Maybe Jack Bauer can help. He’s always good in a pinch.

He’s not real you idiot. Get this damn bucket off my head before I have to go live!

A voice came over the PA. “…The man with the plan. He brought Hope. He brought Change. Ladies and gentlemen. Let me present to you, The President of the United States. BaaaaaaaaaaaaRack OoooooooBaaaaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaa!”

You’re just going to have to go out there with a bucket on your head sir. I’m sorry.

Yeah. Me too.

About a week ago, I was asked to look at a proposal for a new rock opera. A well meaning, middle-aged conservative met me at a local coffee shop. For the sake of privacy, I’ll call this man Sam. Over a cup of Joe, I listened to his idea for a remake of the classic Tommy, by The Who.

I’ve taken the liberty to condense the conversation and lyrics down to a manageable level.

Sam: “Les James! Wow, what an honor it is to met one of the funnest bloggers in the world.” (OK, he really didn’t say that, but I could tell he wanted to. What he really said was, “Dude, you’re late. That’s really rude.” You can see how I could get that impression.)

Les: “Thanks. You want my autograph?”

Sam: “Uh, do you think we could just look at my work instead?”

So, I put my Sharpie away. I really didn’t want to sign his bare chest anyway. The following are excerpts from the lengthy script:

Barry, The Musical

It’s a Boy
(It’s a Boy)

[Nurses]
It’s a boy, Ms. Obama, it’s a boy.
It’s a boy, Ms. Obama, it’s a boy!
A son! A son! A son!

[Fellow Travelers]
Hear the joyful celebrations in the square!
The first savior born in over 2000 years!
We’ve won! A son! We’ve won!

Do You Think it’s Alright?

[Grandmother]
Do you think it’s alright,
To leave the boy with Bill Ayers?
Do you think it’s alright;
He’s just blown up a building tonight!
D’you think it’s alright?

[Ms. Obama]
I think it’s alright, yes I think it’s alright.

2010
(1921)

[Teabaggers]
Gotta feeling 2010 is gonna be a good year,
Especially if you and me see it out together.

Yes, I think that 2010 is gonna be a good year.
We’ll rally now and see it out together.

Socialist Journey
(Amazing Journey)

Sickness will surely take the mind
Where minds can’t usually go.
Come on the socialist journey,
And see things you don’t want to know.

A vague haze of delirium creeps up on him.
Daily speeches make your mind twist and spin.
He is your leader, he is your guide.
On the socialist journey,
He’ll take you for a ride.

The Talker
[The Hawker]

[Teabaggers]
And Barry doesn’t know what praying is.
He thinks he’s Jesus and that’s the way it is.
How can we be saved?
From becoming his slaves?

Barry can you hear me?
Barry can you hear me?
Barry can you hear me?
How can we be saved?

Political Wizard
(Pinball Wizard)

He’s a political wizard
There has got to be a twist.
A political wizard,
Got such a bag of tricks.

‘How do you think he does it? I don’t know!
How can he read so well?’

He ain’t got no detractors,
Not that the press will say
Got his Chi-town posse
Behind him all the way.
Always comes out smilin’,
never takes his licks…
That half black and white kid
Sure plays mean politics.

The Acorn King
(The Acid Queen)

[Barry]
If your country ain’t all it should be now
I can fix it here.
I’ll show you what it could be now
Just give me ten years.

I’m Barry – the Acorn King.
Pay before I start.
I’m Barry - The Acorn King.
I’ll tear your world apart.

Go to The Teleprompter
(Go the the Mirror)

[Teabaggers]
I often wonder what he’s thinking.
Has he ever heard any of our fears?
Look at him at the teleprompter dreaming
What’s happening between those big ears?

[Barry]
Reading you, is like listening to music.
Gazing at you, it’s like I’m in heat
Reciting you, I’ve gain the power
I get excitement that can’t be beat!

Right behind you, I see the billions
Blazed ‘cross you, I see the glory.
From you, I get my opinions
From you, I get the story.

We’re Not Going to Take It
(We’re Not Going to Take It)

[Barry]
Welcome to my Camp,
I guess you all know why you’re here.
My name is Barry
And I became President last year

You didn’t want to follow me,
So, I’ll treat you like a pinball.
And box your ears
Pull hard on your eyelids
Then I’ll bounce out off the walls

Hey you thinking thoughts, so sorry!
I’ve got you sussed.
Hey you watching lying Fox News!
This is a bust!
Hey hung up old Mr. Right Wing,
Don’t try to gain my trust!
‘Cause you ain’t gonna get rid of me any of those ways
Although you think you must

[Teabaggers]
We’re not gonna take it
We’re not gonna take it
We’re not gonna take it
We’re not gonna take it

Les: “Let me guess, Twisted Sister jumps in with Dee Snyder wearing a dress, and starts singing, “We’re not gonna take it. No, we ain’t gonna take it. We’re not gonna take it anymore.”

Sam: “I hadn’t thought of that. What a great idea.”

Les: “Right. OK, I think I’ll be leaving now. Good luck with the project.”

More Les James can be found at Political Satire and Humor at Sideshow Mirrors and Climate Change Hoax by Mild Max