Political Humor

Upon returning from Copenhagen -where for once, we’re happy he voted present- Obama gets back to business as usual.

One of the great benefits of being a powerful, influential member of the Media, as we are here at the Planet’s Best Political Humor, is that it provides the opportunity to get exclusive access to high people in places. Such as the following interview with President Barack Obama.

Fiar: Thanks for coming, Mr. President.

Obama: It is just wonderful to be back in Pennsylvania, and over the last 15 months we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in fifty… seven states? I think, one left to go.

Fiar: New Mexico?

Obama: Whoa! Slow down. There’s a *New* Mexico now?

Fiar: Okay. Moving along. Many people are concerned about the proposed changes to the health care system. Many have dubbed it ObamaCare and feel that the bill will ultimately limit the availability of good medical treatment to those who already have good coverage. How do you respond?

Obama: The doctor said I wouldn’t have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there.

Fiar: Your doctor’s very wise. Do you think it is appropriate to place restrictions on what doctors are available to do in treating patients in order to limit federal expenditures on your socialized medicine scheme?

Obama: Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma. They end up taking up a hospital bed. It costs – When – If you – They just gave – You gave him treatment early – And they got some treatment – And a – A Breathalyzer – Or an inhalator – Not a Breathalyzer. I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours.

Fiar: I think perhaps, YOU need a breathalyzer. Last chance to get in a word on Health Care.

Obama: If there’s a blue pill and a red pill and the blue pill is half the price of the red pill and works just as well, why not pay half price?

Fiar: Probably because the red pill is the one that makes you forget that you’re a slave. But that’s what you really want, isn’t it?

Obama: I’m secretly a Muslim.

Fiar: No Mr. President, Muslims believe in a higher power than themselves.

Obama: So I’m a Christian then?

Fiar: No. Christians believe in the other savior.

Obama: I’m confused.

Fiar: Of course you are.

Obama: I got my head stuck in a bucket.

Well, folks. I think that’s going end our interview, since the Secret Service will have to pry President Obama’s head loose from a bucket…again.

I’m all for anything that means less work for me, so with that, I present to you this political humor guest post by Clyde James Aragon.

Barack Obama’s head first slide into reforming the nation’s medical industry comes with his determination to cut healthcare costs. Thus, tucked away in the 1,018 pages of H.R. 3200 – America’s Affordable Health Choices Act of 2009 – are Obama-conceived options for substituting inexpensive alternatives for costly medical procedures:

PROCEDURE OBAMA SUBSTITUTE

cataract surgery — seeing eye pound puppy
coronary angioplasty — can of compressed air
physical exam with X-ray — a walk through airport security
tubal ligation — chastity belt
brain surgery — aspirin
jaw surgery — Jack LaLanne Power Juicer
hip or knee replacement — crutches
heart transplant — rosary

Finally, a vast amount of money will be saved by replacing autopsies with obituaries.

In a nod to conservatives and the religious, he has dubbed all this his Single Prayer plan.