Political Humor

You might be a liberal. Find out now!

Ever wondered if you have what it takes to be a sensitive, environmental friendly, compassionate, tolerant person, worthy of the love of Obama? Well, it’s your lucky day!

There are a mere six simple steps to this test. That’s only half of a Twelve Step Program, and a whole lot more enjoyable. Good luck. He Who is Him may find favor with you.

Let’s get started

1. Since a follower of Marx is a Marxist, a follower of Mao is a Maoist, what is a follower of Obama?

A: Brilliantly capable of understanding nuance and seeing the Messiah’s Path as Holy, to be traveled without question.

B: Stupid

If you answered A, good going! Now, continue on to the next question. If you answered B, please try one more time, to find out if there is any hope for you at all.

2. The picture shows the back of President Obama’s head. To see his glorious face, hold your monitor in front of your bathroom mirror.

If you followed these instructions, congratulations! You’re well on your way to enlightenment. If you thought this exercise was a grand waste of time, suitable only for morons, get out of here you Racist, Bigoted, Homophobic, Hater!

3. If you believe that Obama Care is a Right, should be available to all those who reside in the United States, and must be paid for by evil corporations and the wealthy, you…

A: Have turned over all free will to the Chosen One, as he knows what’s best for you. Praise be to Obama!

B: Are a Fascist.

Actually, it was a trick question, both are correct. Getting the answer half right still counts as a correct answer. If you didn’t answer the question, that’s okay. You still get to be counted as doing it, just like when you forget to vote. Remember it’s your heart felt motivation that matters, not actually achieving anything.

4. For the next section on the quiz, get a permanent marker. Now find these words, and circle them on your screen. Obama, Messiah, Liberal, Democrat.

Did you find them all? If you did, fantastic! If not, you’re still a wonder human being, and may yet sit as His Left Hand.

5. If you still believe in Global Warming…

A. What? Why wouldn’t I believe?

B. Clap your hands.

Either answer is just fine. You’ve got what it takes. Obama almost loves you, so don’t stop now!

6. Just one last section. This is where we test your loyalty. You must kill George W. Bush. The War Criminal is laughing at you and has to be stopped.

The devastating decisions Bush made, are still preventing our Leader, Barack Obama from achieving his earthly goals. The only way for Lord Obama to complete his mission, and you to attain Nirvana, is to rid the world of the failed policies of the past. Break the spell of this vile sorcerer!

This task will require a special piece of equipment. Go find a length of pipe, a steel rod, or other sharp metal object. It can’t have any kind of insulation on it. You will want to feel his life leaving his body, throughout your entirety.

Got a suitable skewer for slaying the Great Satan, who is Bush? Fantastic! Now, slam it through his black heart!

This concludes our test. If you’re reading this, you’re a big, fat loser, unable follow even the simplest of instructions. Never will you never walk in the light of  the Messiah. You’re a worthless failure. Worse than that, you suck!

But you may be able to find a small bit of redemption, you piece of crap. Obama demands you throw yourself under a bus.  He hasn’t got time to do it himself. Now go. GO! Don’t look at me that way. Get out of here! Find a speeding  Greyhound to stand in front of. You disgust me. That’s right, out the door. Off to the freeway with you.

[Wow! That was fun, and way easy too. Almost as much fun as running over dirty, stinking hippies with a Hummer! Obama voters got to be the most gullible idiots of this age. Darwin would be so proud of me.]

When You’re Right, You’re Wrong

It seems that every day another prominent Liberal labels us conservatives as racist. I support them. They have the right to libel large portions of the population. I know I want that privilege. After all, it’s The American Way.

Their latest assault is the charge that we Radical Right Wing types are racist for not supporting Obama’s Health Care Plan. Hate to piss in your Corn Flakes Libs, he doesn’t have one. We keep hearing about this vaunted, mind-blowing, Wunder-scheme, but I’ve yet to see a copy.

The President is giving a rare speech this Wednesday evening (Alert the Press!). And it’s going to be in front of a Joint Session of Congress. I’ve even heard he’s going to “flesh-out his vision” for health care.

Two things come immediately to mind. First one is, the President is having visions. Now since he believes he’s The Chosen One, where are the visions coming from? Second thing that pops into my mind is, just how do you do that?

Putting flesh on a vision sounds kind of creepy to me. Don’t you usually put flesh on a skeleton? I guess that’s kind of creepy too. But then I finally understood. This man is brilliant. If you put flesh on a skeleton, it takes on structure and a backbone. Obama wouldn’t want that. If you put flesh on a vision, it has no permanent form. It can be shaped anyway he chooses. Like I said, brilliant.

Back to the Racist Thing

So my question to the Far Left would be, how can I be opposed to something (that up until this Wednesday anyway -fingers crossed) I’ve never seen or even knew if it actually existed? Although, rumor has it the President may consider writing his own plan down. Like on paper and everything.

Get ready to hold your breath. Starting…now!

Still, it’s really difficult to take a stand against an intangible. I can be against an idea. Like, I don’t know, maybe Fascism.  But just how this translates to us hating the President because he’s black is beyond me.

Answer: It doesn’t. Like I’ve said so many times before. Obama’s black because he says he’s black. He’s white because I say he’s white. Which nicely explains the racist allegations. Confused? Read on.

But first… breath.

The Truth Comes Out

The only health care plans I’ve seen from the Dems are the one’s the House and the Senate have produced. I guess we’re being labeled as Racist for opposing the Bills from Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid… which the President might support.

Weird as this seems, by their definition, if the President supports a plan from a couple of white folks, then by extension, I must hate white folks. It’s twisted logic, but still logic.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do dislike some white people, but it’s way too much effort to keep up hate. You see, I’m rather lazy.

On the other hand, I’m white. Most of my friends are white. I’ve owned a white truck and white socks. I use to have The Beatles White Album. I live in a white neighborhood. I separate my whites when I do laundry. Hell, I even married a white woman.

Wow! That really sounds bad. I’m trying way too hard to show I’m not prejudice. This can only mean one thing.  I am a bigot after all. Hum, never saw that coming.

Now that my eyes have been pried wide open, let’s take this nastiness out to its logical conclusion. Using my perverse attitude as a mean, we can extrapolate that the entire Right of Center Universe, every conservative –regardless of his or her race, creed or color- must be the same as me. We are Racist!

Damn Crackers.

Washington, DC (AP) The Obama Administration has filed in a District Of Columbia Court for divorce. This comes on the heels of a trial separation that began just hours after the country’s first black President was sworn-in.

“This marriage has been on the rocks for sometime. It just isn’t working for us,” said David Alexrod, Presidential teleprompter text loading guru. “We’ve tried to work things out, but sometimes you just got to make a clean break, a start fresh.” Axlerod continued.

Right wing pundits were quick to point-out that they thought this was inevitable. “I predicted six months ago this would be the case,” stated the over-rated conservative hate-monger and Fox News propagandist, Sean Hannity. “It’s not in the liberal’s make-up to be joined like that. They just don’t have the same sense of commitment as conservatives.”

When asked about Hannity’s statement, Axlerod said, “No one should bother listening to that big, fat liar. Everyone knows that Fox is only interested in criticizing the Obama Administration. We didn’t even know it would go this far until a few weeks ago.” He rolled his eyes and then said, “What, does he have a crystal ball?” Axlerod went on to explain the administration was sighting “irreconcilably difference” as the reason for seeking this action.

“I guess we underestimated the situation. We’ve been doing that a lot lately,” said VP Joe Biden.

The other party is not expected to contest, and according to inside sources, the Obama Administration’s divorcement from reality should be finalized within ninety days. Reality could not be reached for comment, but is thought to be on vacation with Common Sense.

This is week three of the Limbaugh Challenge. We’ve not heard a word from him. Come-on Rush, just drop us an email if nothing else. It’s all right to admit you read Radioactive Liberty.