Political Humor

This is President Barack Obama. I come to you today on the planet’s best political humor site to bring you this important public service message.

Thanks to a tanking economy, which my administration inherited from President Bush, we have reached unemployment numbers of about 10%. Although this is more than double the unemployment rate during the Bush Administration – For which he was rightfully and roundly criticized – We are determined to continue to set multi-trillion dollar deficits because if we don’t keep hemorrhaging money, we will go bankrupt.

As you know, when you have reached the point of financial crisis, you spend your way back into the green, and that is my administration’s policy for ensuring that as many jobs as possible are created or saved. As part of our “Hope for a Job, Can You Spare Some Change?” initiative, there are many government job opportunities available for highly skilled and motivated self starters.

Many of these jobs are 100% scam free legitimate work from home jobs. Do keep in mind that back in Chicago, the definition of “scam free” is applied a little more liberally than the common definition. So I can only guarantee that I, personally, will not lose any money. Your results may vary.

The Hope for a Job, Can You Spare Some Change? Initiative is on of our crowning achievements in rolling back the clock to a more Socialist time in United States history, when so many Americans looked to the government to pull them from the depths of despair, and provide them with a paycheck.

Some of the top government job postings of our program are as follows. Keep in mind that this is just a partial listing.

PR and Marketing. We’re looking for ambitious self starters who are experienced in presenting to large audiences to assist in raising awareness about our doomsday cult global warming. With global temperatures falling, and one of the coldest summers on record, many citizens of the world are still not aware of the danger of global warming. Job requirements include wearing a sandwich board and raving like a lunatic.

Image Source: The End is Near! Colostomies 2:18

We’re looking for talented shoe-shiners to be the official Vice Presidential shoe shiner. Vice President Biden has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth. Now, I’ve told him that this is a dirty habit, and he should try to stop, but he just can’t seem to be able to help himself. The Vice President of the United States of America can’t be making public appearances and meeting important foreign dignitaries with saliva crusted shoes, and that’s where the cushy government job opportunity comes in. Submit your resumes now.

Government IT jobs. We’re looking for knowledgeable skilled beta testers to test out our new Obama Ogle Eyes desktop widget. You may be familiar with the desktop effect that follows your cursor around. Well, we’re currently developing a delightfully fun widget that has big buggly eyes that follow your 16 year old daughter around the room. 16 year old daughter is NOT included. You need to have been punished with a baby girl 16 years ago to test out this one.

On a related note, I’m also looking for a companion to make that “Aah-ugah!” noise you hear in cartoons when an attractive woman passes by. Sarkozy sucks at doing that.

Warning Sign maker needed. I’m a bit clumsy. I have a tendency to stumble through doorways and do other embarassing things in front of world leaders and international cameras.

We can’t have the whole world thinking that the American President is a bumbling idiot. Here are some examples of warning signs we need:

Here’s one letting me know to watch my step.

This one warns that a child could fall into a bucket.

This one warns me not to get my head stuck in a bucket.

White House Plumber needed. I guess we should not have treated Joe the Plumber so poorly. It turns out that when you continually flush trillions of dollars down the toilet, there is a tendency to get some blockages. You wouldn’t believe what happens when you stick the whole economy in there.

Consider the comments section to be your own satirical government jobs board.

Disclaimer: All jobs pay in Obama Novelty Million dollar bills. They’re literally worth the paper they’re printed on. But don’t worry, They’ll be of equal or greater value to actual legal currency soon enough.

This week’s edition of Political Humor Quick Hits is about responsibility, Biden’s economic accumen, and compliments…

Obama Finally Claims Responsibility for the Economy

I guess I was wrong last week. Barack Obama finally said it was his economy to ruin, I mean improve:

During an appearance in Michigan Tuesday, Obama addressed some of the critics on his handling of the economy so far.

“I love these folks who helped get us in this mess and then suddenly say, ‘Well, this is Obama’s economy.’ That’s fine. Give it to me,” he said. “My job is to solve problems, not to stand on the sidelines and carp and gripe. So I welcome the job. I want the responsibility.”

Don’t sing it bring it!

Obama then went on to make fun of the economic downturn ala Snaps style:

“The recession is so short it poses for trophies. I saw someone unemployed kicking a can down the street. I asked what they were doing and they said ‘moving to a shelter’. The recession is so old Muhammad was in the same Gym class”

Joe Biden Spells Out Why Economy Is Not Recovering

Unlike E.F Hutton, when Joe Biden speaks people shouldn’t listen. Good thing his speech was aimed at senior citizens:

Vice President Joe Biden told people attending an AARP town hall meeting that unless the Democrat-supported health care plan becomes law the nation will go bankrupt and that the only way to avoid that fate is for the government to spend more money.

“Now, people when I say that look at me and say, ‘What are you talking about, Joe? You’re telling me we have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt?’” Biden said. “The answer is yes, that’s what I’m telling you.”

I have to give kudos to Obama for sending Biden to address old people on the health care bill. Most of the audience either fell asleep halfway through the speech or didn’t hear him because of age-induced hearing loss.

The AARP members’ thoughts also might have drifted to the choices for the Early Bird specials at the local dinner during the presentation.

If the audience did get what Joe was saying they should have been clutching their plastic coin purses harder then ever before while wondering when Kevorkian was showing up.

Biden’s next stop: An education reform speech at the American School for the Deaf.

Umm Waterloo is Not an Insult

I think the Democrats, and Obama in particular are getting punchy lately:

“ President Obama accused Republicans of playing political games with health care reform Monday, taking aim at South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint for suggesting a defeat on health care could be a “Waterloo” moment for Obama.”

Doesn’t anyone remember that “Waterloo” was Abba’s breakout single? Jim DeMint was simply comparing the Messiah to the beginning of the career of Sweden’s biggest export.

Is the Savior forgetting Abba later went on to create “Dancing Queen”, the greatest disco hit ever?

You can’t even compliment our President without getting thrown under the political short bus. Mamma Mia!

______________________________________________________

Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday. You can also read his odd take on things at his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

This week’s edition of Political Humor Quick Hits is about deficits, spoiled children, and wasteful spending…

When Will the Deficit Be Obama’s Fault?

My guess is never:

Nine months into the fiscal year, the federal deficit has topped $1 trillion for the first time…The Treasury Department said Monday that the deficit in June totaled $94.3 billion, pushing the total since the budget year started in October to nearly $1.1 trillion.

The problem is the mental disorder that is Liberalism is like AIDS. It breaks down the immune system, leaving the body unable to fight other diseases. In this case the moonbats are clearly in the throes of Bush Derangement Syndrome.

My favorite part of the story is of course the comments like this one:

“And the federal fiscal year started in October, hence Bush. Really, for being all patriotic, you righties seem to never understand how the government works…”

Hmm I thought federal budgets were written and approved by Congress? I know, the President submits his recommendations but it is the responsibility, (and I use that term loosely since the lefties do as well), of Congress to write and pass the thing. Last time I checked, the 2009 budget was written by a Democratic-favored legislative system.

But what do I know about civics?

I am one of those “righties” after all. Anyone have a gun and a bible I can borrow? I misplaced mine.

Red Dress A Lot Like the Golden Goose

From the whiny, spoiled department of the news:

The union that represents flight attendants who worked for Northwest Airlines before it was bought by Delta Air Lines is crying foul over Delta’s failure to offer bigger sizes for its signature red dress uniform designed by Richard Tyler.

But can an employee get a bigger size in other colors?

The red dress currently is only offered up to size 18, though a Delta spokeswoman said the airline offers a range of outfits in other colors and styles up to size 28 that flight attendants can wear.

But I want the red dress! I want it now! I don’t care if it means the costs of lawsuits will be passed on to the consumer! I want it now now now!

Good thing nobody ever thought of suing Willy Wonka or the movie would have ended up as an adventure in litigation.

Surprise! Pennsylvania Government Wasted Money

Who cares if nobody actually uses handicapped ramps?

Wyomissing Borough Council members are questioning why the state is requiring the borough to spend $12,000 to install handicap curb cuts at an intersection that has no sidewalks.

As long as complying with the Americans with Disabilities Act helps citizens feel better on the inside, costs should never be an issue. It is only $12,000 after all.

______________________________________________________

Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday. You can also read his other weekly column here every week as well as his own humor blog Angry Seafood.