Political Humor

How’s everyone doing tonight? Yeah, I just flew in from Louisiana, and boy are my arms tired!

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Man, that Wanda Sykes, she sure is funny. Funny-looking!

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I know, I know, she’s a lesbian crack-whore, and I hope she contracts AIDS, and dies!

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Seriously, though, I’d like to see her go hunting with Dick Cheney, and get shot in the face with a shotgun and die!

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Dick Cheney would indeed shoot her in the face. Her face is so ugly, I’m surprised she doesn’t die every time she looks in the mirror!

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You know what would be funnier? If she was walking down the street, and got gang-raped to death!

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That’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are.

Ooo, ooo, even funnier than that would be if she were in the next skyscraper some terrorists flew a plane into, and she had to choose whether to jump to her death, or burn to death in the giant fireball!

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Which one would she would choose? Who cares!

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I know this little confabulation is supposed to be about President Obama. His speech was funny. The only thing that could have made it funnier is if he died from kidney failure during it!

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You know what else would be funny? If right after he delivered his line about Dick Cheney’s book, How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People, a sniper shot him in the face!

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Do you remember when Gerald Ford used to fall down getting off Air Force One? President Obama should do that while Air Force One is flying!

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This audience sucks! You didn’t laugh at one of my funny jokes. You should all die from leukemia!

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You can find more funny jokes at JumpOuts law enforcement humor blog You Should Be Tasered

I have been giving much thought to our new president. The more he talks, and the more of himself he reveals, the more I think I can get on the Obama bandwagon.

When you’re in my line of work, you see things differently. Being exposed to so many different types of people in so many different situations opens your mind to different points of view. This open mindedness has caused me to arrive at a new conclusion.

Yes, I still believe President Obama is a communist. I still believe President Obama is trying to subvert the Constitution. I still believe President Obama is a totalitarian. It just seems my job has caused me to see the light.

Are you confused? You shouldn’t be. What better place to be the police than in a police state?

Think about it. You know you want me to have no constitutional restrictions to protect the criminals of this world. The next time I think I have a car thief holed up in a house based on third hand information, I won’t have to stand down because I don’t have a warrant. BAM! I kick in the door and, voila, one less criminal on the streets. What could possibly go wrong?

Have you ever called the police, only to be told there was nothing they could do because it was just your word against the other person’s? No more of that. Everybody will be satisfied with law enforcement response! Your neighbor threatened you? Well, it’s time for a smackdown!

You shouldn’t be worried that your neighbor will make false allegations against you. You’re innocent; you have nothing to worry about. This will be a brave new crime-free world!

Yes, I, for one, welcome our new totalitarian overlords. Since I’ll be the police, you have nothing to worry about. I will protect you. Good thing, too. What, with the President getting ready ban miscellaneous semi-automatic weapons, and shotguns with telescoping stocks, you’re going to need me.

If you want more JumpOut, he will be busy practicing violating your soon to be non-existent constitutional rights at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should be Tasered

Hello everyone and welcome to Left vs. Right where two political humor writers try to find some kind of common ground on the issues of the day. By try I mean cross your fingers and keep the sharp objects locked up.

Today myself, a conservative blogger, and Super Liberal, a man so far left he makes Barack Obama looks moderate…

Super Liberal: Ahem!

Chris: What? Dude you are very liberal.

SL: You implied I was crazy.

C: Moving on, our topic today is: will Obama fix everything? Recent polls point to a majority of people feeling that way. Super Liberal what are your thoughts as if we didn’t know already?

SL: He’s going to fix everything and he’s going to start with the economy. In two years we will be rolling along like Clinton’s first term.

C: You mean the one that had equally high unemployment two years in?

SL: He had to mop up after Bush’s dad. That took a big bucket.

C: Hmm well you do have a point there but still, there was a Democratic Congress and White House in 1993-4.

SL: Fine, whatever. What about health care? Once Obama gets nationalized health care going everyone will benefit.

C: Remember the last time liberals tried that one? Oh yah it was Clinton and it led to the Republicans taking back Congress in 1994.

SL: Always dragging the past into this aren’t you?

C: Hey, you brought up Clinton.

SL: All I know is that like Jimmy Carter, Obama will reach out and be more of a friend to the world, trying to make peace with everyone.

C: Yes, and then Obama can have a picnic with the people trying to kill us and everyone will be happy and get along and eat sandwiches and play wiffleball and sing Kumbaya. Oh and while you are at it, ask Sadat how that Carter peace thing worked out for him.

SL: Okay fine so Sadat got killed because of the peace treaty with Israel, but now maybe a terrorist will think twice about strapping a bomb to themselves because Obama is President.

C: I see your meds are really kicking in.

SL: Umm no they are not!

C: You know Monty, all you have done was bring up the past. How is Obama going to fix the reputation of the ghosts of the Democratic past?

SL: Why are you asking me this? I thought this was about the problems we have today.

C: I would love to elaborate on that but we are out of time folks. This truly was an exercise in futility. Tune in next time when I try to argue politics with a deaf blind mute who uses cue cards to communicate with.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly column of political humor every Thursday right here at Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own brand of funny at his humor blog Angry Seafood.

Super Liberal is a left-leaning card carrying member of the Democratic Party crazy enough to enjoy arguing with and being made fun of by conservative bloggers.