Political Humor

Finally a reason lacking all sense of political humor and silliness for why we should all vote for John McCain: old people are frugal.

Times are tight and if you haven’t noticed the government’s addiction to money is worse then Lindsey Lohan’s addiction to attention, and at least once in awhile we get something out of the Fed. Then again, the way Lohan has gotten around I’m not so sure I’d even want her hand touching my wedding tackle. I would even go as far as to make her put on dishwashing gloves to be safe. Might be a little rough but I digress.

First off, old people place a lot more value on money then the rest of us. They remember when things like a hamburger cost a quarter, or when someone had to eat the leather of their shoes to survive in the Great Depression. Waiters and waitresses wince whenever the bill goes to Grandpa. Look at how many old timers use those rubber coin purses that they have to squeeze to access all their pennies.

Usually there are dimes in the purse too but they used them all on a grandson in one of those slotted birthday cards.

This is what America needs: a cheap leader. An old person fits the bill and McCain happens to be a senior citizen. What luck!

No longer would we have a budget so sky-high. McCain could just yell “malarkey” or “if you don’t like being cheap then scram!” when someone wants to spend more money. You know how stubborn those old timers can be, so you can be sure McCain will stick to his guns.

Another benefit is that an old person for a President will be able to recommend deals for the country’s citizens. Maybe during a speech in a city he tells people to go to a certain diner because the Early Bird Fish & Chips is a great bargain. In another town there might be a good deal on polyester slacks at WalMart.

There will also be the added benefit of someone old always reminding Americans how good we have it now. We will be repeatedly told that kids today do not have to walk to school twelve miles in a snowstorm uphill both ways.

Now if McCain were only Jewish we could really start saving money. Not only would we be frugal as hell but America would never pay retail again for anything from China.

My friends, that is what is called a pipe dream so I guess we will have to settle for an old Gentile.

Go McCain!

No matter who or what you vote for, vote this Election Day because it does actually matter that you participate in the process. All kidding aside.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly political humor column every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own daily train wreck of comedy on his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

[Humor-Blogs.com has funny blogs you can vote on just like an election but without the mudslinging.]

Welcome everyone to the 2008 Political Humor Presidential Debate between independent candidates John Nobody and Don Lewis. Despite the fact that both men have great ideas for how to move this country forward neither has a remote shot at beating even Ralph Nader.
None the less we plod along.

Tonight’s questions for the candidates will be asked by Fiar and Les, our moderators. Fiar we begin with you…

Fiar: Don how do you plan to punish poor people for taking out loans they couldn’t afford to repay, thus leading to the current financial crisis?

Don: I think there has been enough talk about blame. Now is the time for us to come together as a nation. Rich and poor alike have a part to play in the American Experience. The poor are absolutely necessary to provide the bones, muscles and flesh of the glorious tapestry that is the United States. The rich should continue as they have always done and feast upon their fattened carcasses.

John: Unfortunately my opponent feels exploiting the poor is the way to go to get the economy moving again. He’s the type of person that when approached by a homeless person for spare change will ask “got change for a hundred?” Taxing the poor would be better because they pay nothing in taxes.

Don: Once again, we see the tax and spend mentality coming to the forefront in my opponents schemes. My “Eat the Poor” plan will furnish jobs for butchers, food service personnel, and I might add, create quality family dining time for the well to do. All without increasing the tax burden of the poor.

Les: John, what is the most vicious unsubstantiated rumor about your opponent that you plan to use in a smear campaign against him?

John: Where do I start? There are so many to choose from, but if I had to make a decision it would have to be that he once posed nude for Playgirl and it only sold 134 copies. Christ, Nancy Pelosi’s book sold more copies for crying out loud and she posed in a burka.

Don: My opponent once again is playing fast and loose with the facts. Playgirl has never sold more than 134 copies per issue. I mean, yuk! He also fails to point out that all the profits I received for this outstanding example of tasteful, neo-classical performance art was donated to the “Children Without Stock Portfolios” fund.

Fiar: Don Lewis, as President, you have been given the opportunity to significantly lower one tax, but there’s a catch, you have to first put a celebrity to death, who would you choose and why?

Don: I intend to nuke Hollywood and clear the National Debt.

John: As you can clearly see my opponent is taking the easy way out. How many times have we heard the ‘just nuke all the actors and everything will be puppies and rainbows’ talk. I also don’t need to remind you that the people that make nuclear weapons also contributed heavily to Don Lewis’ campaign as well as subsidized his trips to play castles and dragons on the weekends.

Who’s getting kickbacks for nuking all the actors?

[John points his thumb at Don Lewis]

That guy.

Les: John, Senator Obama has already designed his own Presidential Seal, what would yours look like?

John: I don’t know about my seal but I know what my opponent’s would be. I think this speaks highly of both his laissez-faire attitude and low intelligence level.

What Don worry?

Don: My opponent has chosen to associate me, in a disparaging manner, with an icon of the American free-market system; the symbol of a great magazine that has influenced budding politicians and nascent humor writers for many decades. Alfred E. Neuman represents the American ideals of hard work, the can-do spirit, and if I may be so bold; Matthew 6:34 which exhorts us “…don’t ever worry about tomorrow. After all, tomorrow will worry about itself.

My opponent may be comfortable spitting on America and the Bible. I never will.

John: My opponent is an atheist, practices bestiality and has underarms that smell like warm cabbage on the sidewalk in July.

Don: My opponent likes to donkey punch prostitutes who don’t take coupons.

Well that ends the 2008 Political Humor Presidential Debate and frankly, I am not sure who actually won but it wasn’t the voters. Good night America.
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Chris Cameron writes this weekly column every Thursday here at the home for political humor Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own form of funny at his humor blog Angry Seafood.

When he isn’t campaigning for President Don Lewis can be found at his humor blog It’s a Funny Thing.

Humor-Blogs.com has funny blogs you can vote on.

I am voting for Barack Obama and this is not a statement of political humor. I have decided that maybe it is better to be on the winning side. Just ask John McCain who offered to buy all the crappy mortgages.

Everyone wants to be a liberal or get their vote it seems these days and frankly being on the losing side sucks. So give me that Kool-Aid. I’m ready to become a moonbat.

Wow America is right. Buying a used car from Barack Obama is a good idea. Man this is some kick-ass Kool-Aid.

If the rest of the US wants Barack Obama to be President who am I to argue? I mean, millions of people can’t be wrong can they? Shhh let’s not mention the 2004 election. I’m not supposed to listen to facts. I’m voting liberal this year.

Being a man of ambition, I am also taking this a step further then most of my now-fellow moonbats. I have decided to take Obama and the Democratic Party into my heart as my Lord and Savior.

Jesus Christ? Never heard of him.

I feel even better then after drinking the Kool-Aid. It is like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders. No longer will I be burdened by blood pressure spikes when I hear anything Barney Frank says because now I am on his side. I can understand what he is saying!

I also now believe that a man of his competence should be in charge of our money. Besides, the liberal side has free money for meds.

Did you know they let you choose from a list of six anti-depressants? And you can pick up to three! No wonder why everyone is going liberal lately. The benefits are amazing.

So bring on that free health care. Make sure there is vision coverage because it’s so hard to get these days. Glasses are not cheap you know.

Give me a house loan. Don’t worry, I’m good for it. You say I’m not? The government will bail me out and if they don’t I’ll just call ACORN to legally prevent the bank from taking something they own 100% of.

Of course this is all going to cost billions and billions of dollars but Obama and the government being our saviors will just print more of it. Then we can have more free social programs. Then we can print more and more money and live happily ever after.

I’ve even got my moonbat script ready for protests and meetings. When they say ‘Bush sucks‘ I reply ‘yeah f^^k Bush I hate him too! Long live the Beast!‘

I also hear there are free haircuts.

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The night time is the right time…the night time is the right time…

Chris Cameron writes this weekly column every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. He also has an odd and interesting humor blog, Angry Seafood.

Humor-blogs.com has funny blogs you can vote for your favorite earmark or a blog by a guy named Mark who’s missing an ear.