Political Humor

With the recent gubernatorial wins in Virgina and New Jersey, and the near congressional win in up state New York, the Republican Party seems to be waking up.

2010 and 2012 are going to be very interesting election years. But it’s going to take a new approach to get a lot of us conservatives back into the fold. I suggest honesty. Below are ten new slogans for the Republicans, I’d like to see.

Sorry about the last few years. Our bad

The Republican Party -We’ve pulled our heads out.

Because Dems is a four letter word

The GOP doesn’t suck as bad as it use to

We only look like a third party

Promise, no McCain in 2012

We’re not organized enough to take over your health care

The Democrats just keep making us look better and better

Republicans -Too lazy to write a 1000 page bill, let alone a 2000 page one

Conservative? You Betcha!

Got any of your own?

A Fascist Black Guy, a Radical Jew and a Greasy White Dude walk into the White House… Sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke, and it is. So, what’s the punchline? We get screwed. Told you it was bad.

In case you’ve been a hermit for the last year or so, the joke’s about Obama, Emanuel and Axelrod. As Chris C has observed, it’s not very funny when you have to explain it. Then again, what’s happening to our country isn’t very funny either.

Hey, there’s an upside -as in up your’s and up mine. I’ve been bent over the pork barrel so often that I’ve got splinters from my chin to my shins. There’s a region in between those two areas that’s really complaining, both the front and the back. Which brings me (slowly) to today’s observation. It’s about getting screwed by people who’ll even lie to you about respect in the morning. And here I thought prostitution was illegal in DC. Guess not, since we’re paying these ass clowns very well to pork us.

Speaking of aberrant sex practices, I think I finally understand all the fuss about those gay, lesbian, trans-gender, and other twisted individuals, rights. Personally, I don’t understand the attraction, but then again I’m an evil mongering, racist, bigoted, homophobic terrorist suspect. And even worse, a conservative. Gasp! So what do I know? But I’ve got a handle on the fuss -and it’s attached to a ten foot, one inch pole.

It’s all about gender-bending in Washington, DC. Something happens to people there, and it’s happening below the Beltway. Our elected representatives are afraid that the good folks who sent them to those offices will laugh and call them names, if they don’t enact laws to stop them. Why? It’s simple. Once they get there, they change.

Here’s what I’ve observed: Elected Democrat women turn into dicks and elected Republican men turn into pussies. You’ve seen the results for yourself. Nancy Pelosi is the biggest dick I’ve come across in a long time.

Name for me more than a handful of Republican men in the House, who aren’t ready to drop trow and willingly let Nancy ram home some extremely painful legislation. Can’t, can you? That’s because they’re pussies! At least Barry Frank is honest about liking it. The only time he’s eager to cross the aisle, is when he’s rushing to get in line.

It’s the same in the other chamber. Harry Reid -who secretly is a very ugly woman, with a giant strap-on- runs around shoving it down the throats of almost every Republican in sight. And they don’t even gag. Larry Craig taps out code with his foot for seconds.

Okay, I’ve been beating around the bush long enough. The title ask, How are Democrats and Republicans Different? Here’s the answer: Dems like to screw everybody in sight, and Repubs -male, female and whatever- are eagerly sticking it where the sun don’t shine. So by being submissive -rolling over and exposing their throats and genitals- Republicans still screw us. The bottom line ends up with very little practical difference.

If all this makes you want to gag, join the club. It’s big and getting a lot bigger. Promise, no hazing.

Bonus Feature.

Bonus -as in extra, not the Government Bonus. You know the one. We bend over, they bone us. Fine, it’s an old joke, but it’s still funny.

Thanks to my little brother for the inspiration for this image.

What’s the Difference Between a Democrat and a Republican?

It’s not that difficult of a question. You shouldn’t have to think too hard. It only takes the basics that you learned in Elementary school.

They’re spelled completely different. The pronunciation is completely different too. Come on. This is rudimentary spelling and phonetics.

Sheesh.

Find more Democrat and Republican politcal satire on the Homepage.