Political Humor

The following is very loosely based upon the outstanding writing style of Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

It was a dark and stormy night along the Southern Front, where heavy machine guns in National Guard manned towers, pointed to the North, in an effort to keep money and USA made weapons from tempting, honest, eager-to-work, underprivileged citizens of the Americas into entering a life of crime and die by the hundreds, to satisfy the desires of American liberals for a little, harmless high -unlike evil, law abiding, tolerant, gun loving, subversive conservative, suspected right-wing terrorist, who prefer to drink beer when they watch cars going around in circles and bar-b-cue brats, instead of smoking reefer or snorting cocaine from a mirror in some rat-infested, germ-ridden, big city night club restroom like Blue State hippies and high government officials (no pun intended, seriously) of the Democrat persuasion like to do, who then in a drug-crazed rut, hook-up with anything that has a pulse, only for many of the females of this sub-species to later regret their one night stands and visit dark alleys, where universal health care providers with unsanitary coat hangers wait.

So what the hell does this have to do with illegal aliens, undocumented workers, Democrat voters in waiting? Well, one would think all that fire power might deter them from entering our their country, right? There has to be some way to bring in the necessary employees to do the jobs Americans Lazy Americans won’t do, doesn’t there? Am I ever going to answer any of these questions? Is that what you want me to do?

Too bad. I don’t want to. At least, not in a couple of words.

It was the same dark and stormy night, just south of the border, where hard-working, men, women and children waited for a chance to make a lasting contribution to the entire world by borrowing the social security numbers of dead babies and thereby entitling them to vote in every Illinois election -several times on the same day- while simultaneously relieving sloth-like white guys of the burden of having to labor, by allowing them the opportunity to collect an unemployment check because they were laid-off from their jobs that paid too much or were outsourced (in-country) to foreign workers who want to just get through the border -that is heavily armed by racist, terrorist-in-training- without being subjected to the scrutiny afforded to their countrymen that supply the drugs for Liberal Americans that want to make themselves feel better about the terrible way these noble people are treated in their country -on both sides of the border- so they instituted a system to identify those immigrants, deserving the opportunity to re-claim the land that was stolen from them -after they stole it from the Indians, who stole it from the Norwegians- by giving them a “Get into Texas Free” card, so they can flash it at the new Check Point Charlie, near El Paso and enter this country unmolested.

If you didn’t get the message, all you liberals who use drugs are supporting terrorist activities, both foreign and domestic -and yes, I am saying drug cartels and gangs are terrorist too and no, conservatives as a rule, don’t use illegal drugs. This makes you an accessory to the mass murder of thousands of people world-wide.  I am also saying that there is nothing noble, proper, lawful, right, just or fair about “immigrants” sneaking into my home and taking what does not belong to them. Oh, and if you think this makes me a racist, que te jodan, Puta!

Have a nice day!

If Janeane Garofalo says you’re a redneck, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever gone to a park and didn’t hug a tree, you might be a terrorist.

If you don’t think that abortion is a better form of contraception than a condom, you might be a terrorist.

If Paul Begala believes you’re a wimpy, whiny, weasel, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever served your country as a member of the armed forces, you might be a terrorist.

If you’re a guy and have never tea bagged another guy or visa versa, you might be a terrorist.

If you think that 535 lobotomized, white lab rats would have a better grasp on reality than Congress, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever gone into the woods to drink a couple of beers and plink some cans, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever been in a church that didn’t slam America, and it wasn’t because either someone was getting married or died, you might be a terrorist.

If you think Bill Ayers is a terrorist, you might be a terrorist.

If you agree with Robert Frost that good fences make good neighbors, you might be a terrorist.

If you have a four-wheel drive truck parked on your front lawn, you might be a terrorist.

If you think that burning an American flag somehow doesn’t contribute to global warming, you’re just a totally screwed-up moonbat. Oops, how’d that get in there?

If you think government, like spandex clothing, should not come in XXL, you might be a terrorist.

If you don’t think Obama can walk on water while simultaneously reading Open Veins Of Latin America, you might be a terrorist.

If you know your ass from a hole in the ground, no doubt about it, you are a terrorist.

Now it’s your turn.  Just fill in the blank with your own funny phrase: If _______________, you might be a terrorist.

I think Jeff Foxworthy would approve.