Political Humor

Holy crap! The newspaper industry is dying a slow and agonizing death. I can’t believe this. Who would have seen this coming? Who knew that the internet, with it’s immediate access to more than enough free content to choke Linda Lovelace, would crush the newspaper industry beneath the heel of it’s merciless, digital jackboot?

Something has to be done! By that I am certainly not implying that the newspaper industry do anything to save itself. Perish the thought. No, I mean something has to be done by the government involving large infusions of taxpayer dollars to reinvigorate yet another failing, worthless industry.

Another fine course of action would be to punish the success of teh internets by forcing them to share more of their profits with the newspaper industry. After all, with the election of Barack Obama, we seek only economic justice.

The newspapers have done such a wonderful job of informing the public. Or at least they might have had people waited until the morning paper arrived to get their news instead of surfing the web until their eyes began to bleed.

Just look at how deeply they delved into Barack Obama. The way they were the first to sound the alarm when they discovered that Obama hung out with known terrorists, Marxists, and racists. Okay, so maybe they didn’t do that.

Well, at least they have the obituaries. Where else are you going to be able to find information on the latest deaths in your community? Wait, that’s on the internet too?

Damn it, you can’t wrap your fish in Google News! I’d like to see you use the internet to cover your table while you clean your guns. You would also have a hard time using your flat-screen monitor to line the bottom of your birdcage.

Awww, fuck it, let ‘em burn.

I think JumpOut may be burning more stuff at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered

I have been giving much thought to our new president. The more he talks, and the more of himself he reveals, the more I think I can get on the Obama bandwagon.

When you’re in my line of work, you see things differently. Being exposed to so many different types of people in so many different situations opens your mind to different points of view. This open mindedness has caused me to arrive at a new conclusion.

Yes, I still believe President Obama is a communist. I still believe President Obama is trying to subvert the Constitution. I still believe President Obama is a totalitarian. It just seems my job has caused me to see the light.

Are you confused? You shouldn’t be. What better place to be the police than in a police state?

Think about it. You know you want me to have no constitutional restrictions to protect the criminals of this world. The next time I think I have a car thief holed up in a house based on third hand information, I won’t have to stand down because I don’t have a warrant. BAM! I kick in the door and, voila, one less criminal on the streets. What could possibly go wrong?

Have you ever called the police, only to be told there was nothing they could do because it was just your word against the other person’s? No more of that. Everybody will be satisfied with law enforcement response! Your neighbor threatened you? Well, it’s time for a smackdown!

You shouldn’t be worried that your neighbor will make false allegations against you. You’re innocent; you have nothing to worry about. This will be a brave new crime-free world!

Yes, I, for one, welcome our new totalitarian overlords. Since I’ll be the police, you have nothing to worry about. I will protect you. Good thing, too. What, with the President getting ready ban miscellaneous semi-automatic weapons, and shotguns with telescoping stocks, you’re going to need me.

If you want more JumpOut, he will be busy practicing violating your soon to be non-existent constitutional rights at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should be Tasered

Back in the days of the Joe the Plumber fiasco, we were told that it is not Socialist to “spread the wealth around.” Vice President Joe Biden declared that “(Obama) is NOT spreading the wealth around,” after inquiring as to whether he was even being asked a serious question.

Now, NewsWeek declares (in their cover story) that we are all Socialists now. I’m a bit confused about this. Does that mean that it’s now okay to admit that spreading the wealth around is Socialist?

I have a few diagreements with a few of the editorial points of the article. Authors Jon Meacham and Evan Thomas state, correctly, that President G. W. Bush “effectively nationalized the banking and mortgage industries.” However, they seem to be under a false impression that President Bush was, and I quote, “a conservative Republican administration.” Ba-dum-bum!

This is the President whose gigantic leaps in spending and Socialization of the US made Hugo Chavez giggle like a shoolgirl, and Russian Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin is warning against the dangers of meddling in the free market. I have stated for years that President Bush is a Left Wing Socialist.

In fact, I don’t have the slightest idea why it is that the moonbats didn’t love the guy. He was on their side of damn near every issue, from deleting our national borders, to supporting and passing Chappqiddick Ted’s No Child Left Literate bill.

The article warns, “As entitlement spending rises over the next decade, we will become even more French.” I agree. With Rabidly Left wing Democrats at the helm, it won’t merely be entitlements that make us more French. We’ll be more like them in the most French of all ways, surrendering to everything in sight.

I surrender!

No, that’s just a cockroach. Hire an exterminator, and it won’t be a problem anymore.

I surrender!

No. That’s just a serial rapist. Pump him full enough of potassium chloride and watch the recidivism rate plummet.

I surrender!

No. That’s just a baby. Let it come 2/3 of the way out of the birth canal and suck out it’s brains and no one will be punished by it.

I surrender!

That’s just a terrorist. Put a bullet in his head and he won’t harm anyone.

I surrender!

No, President Obama. That’s just your shadow. Just stick your head back in that bucket and it can’t harm you.

Dope image by IMAO.us right wing humor reader Bryan. Source: Lolbama part 7.

Thanks to Conservative Scalawag for tipping me off to the article. Compare and contrast.