Political Humor

Eric reveals the double secret knowledge behind the 1 million jobs that have been created or saved by the economic stimulus package.

In an exclusive, I have discovered the source of millions of created or saved jobs. Now this isn’t some creative calculator art or fishiness, these are real, genuine, factually created or saved jobs. These jobs are funded and backed by and have been saved or created by the stimulus. Now you may ask how I can prove such a thing. So here is my proof:

Every two weeks I receive a check ($44) that is clearly labeled

THIS FEDERAL ADDITIONAL COMPENSATION (FAC) CHECK IS BEING ISSUED TO YOU AS A SUPPLEMENTAL UNEMPLOYMENT AS ENACTED IN THE AMERICAN RECOVERY AND REINVESTMENT ACT OF 2009.

Clearly funds are being used to keep me in my current employment, thus saving, or creating 1 (one) job. With these checks being issued, every single individual check issued in this method can be counted as a saved or created job.

It doesn’t matter to the mulatto mendacity that my current job is being unemployed, I’m being paid for doing it with stimulus funds.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure that every extra person on unemployment receiving this check is another positive use of stimulus funds. Just last month another 190,000 jobs were created adding all these valuable jobs to the payroll of unemployment, not to mention the 5.6 million, or so saved unemployment jobs.

So the next time someone asks you, you can proudly say you personally know at least one job that was created or saved by ARRA2009 (stimulus). HOPE AND CHANGE.

Image Credit: Unemployment Olympics 2009, Tompkins Park by Clementine Gallot

I used to be skeptical about the whole bloated, big government, welfare state, don’t ever let people learn from their failures model of government. I had this idea that if you reward incompetence, then you will get more incompetence. Then Barack Obama became President. Thus proving my hypothesis.

So, on that basis, I was opposed to the economic stimulus package, but then I read that the stimulus bill was awesome. Not just wicked cool awesome, but like super duper, Obama coin collection awesome.

Now, I’m totally stoked. Best of all, I’ll finally get my unicorn.

Dreams really do come true.

Related: Obama Economic Stimulus Jokes