Political Humor

In an attempt to be a little more up to date on current events, I bring you my own version of political humor quick hits.

Fort Hood Texas Shooting

First off, there’s big news of a shooting near Fort Hood, Texas. Current reports list casualties at 12 dead and 31 injured. One mass murderer is identified as Malik Nadal Hasan, who is of an unknown and entirely ambiguous religious persuasion.

That wasn’t funny, but hey, I told you the news always sucks the life out of you.

Swine Flu

In the category of hysteria over 48 hour sniffles, a health worker has been fired in Calgary, Alberta for offering the H1N1 Swine Flu vaccine to players of the Calgary Flames. Just so you know, that’s in Canada. You know, the country we keep being told to model our own health care system after.

On the homefront, Gitmo detainees get first crack at being vaccinated against a mild fever and sore throat for a day or two. I’d like to be upset, but let’s face it. We’re not talking about polio or some other horrible disease. It’s THE FLU! You’ll get over it.

Musical Ringtones

In Nairobi, Al Shabaab rebels of no apparent religious conviction want to impose Sharia law including banning musical ringtones on cell phones, movies and dancing. On the upside, they also want to ban soccer. Hey, every cloud has it’s silver lining right?

They should just run a big PR campaign telling everyone that soccer will give you a runny nose, but don’t call it that. Call it the H1N1 virus and everyone will avoid soccer like the plague.

I also agree that musical ringtones are from the Devil. That’s why I have mine set to play Iron Maiden.

This week’s Political Humor Quick Hits is about Mexico, snakes, and government spending…

Mexico Pissed About Swine Flu Outbreak Discrimination

Apparently, our neighbor to our south is not happy other countries suddenly won’t trade with them or allow their citizens to visit:

“Mexico’s U.N. envoy says nations need common rules for responding to flu outbreaks to prevent discrimination and unfair trade restrictions, Mexico’s U.N. envoy said Friday, complaining that Mexican citizens and exports were being unfairly singled out.

Mexico has complained that its citizens and exports are being shunned by some countries.”

Let’s see…the media highlighted the fact the disease came from Mexico, scaring the entire world. Nearly all the deaths from the N1H1 flu came from Mexico. Their government shut the frigging country down for like five days.

I can’t understand why Mexican exports are so unwanted either. Launch a full investigation! It must be Bush pulling strings from behind his Crawford ranch.

It was bad enough Barack had to run against Dubya in 2008 but now this? Thwarting open borders and free trade?

Will the Obama administration ever be free of the shackles of the Bush presidency?

Somebody call the ACLU.

Gotta Love Headlines

“US restaurant chain to probe snake head in broccoli”

So what are they going to probe the snake head with?

Estimate of Budget Deficit Now at We’re Screwed Level

Unless you consider this a good thing:

“The government will have to borrow nearly 50 cents for every dollar it spends this year, exploding the record federal deficit past $1.8 trillion under new White House estimates.

The unprecedented deficit figures flow from the deep recession, the Wall Street bailout and the cost of President Barack Obama’s economic stimulus bill – as well as a seemingly embedded structural imbalance between what the government spends and what it takes in.”

I should tell my landlord that I have a structural imbalance between my revenue and my spending.

I’ll need a rent bailout by the way.

Not to be outdone by the stark revelation of the massive spending increases, budget director Peter Orszag put the blame on you-know-who for the 1.87 trillion dollar deficit for 2009:

“The deficits … are driven in large part by the economic crisis inherited by this administration,”

And unlike Bush, the current administration is of course practicing fiscal responsibility. Sorry, I meant stimulus. There’s that language thing again.

You know why there are still open posts in the Treasury? Fewer people to witness Geithner printing money late at night.

______________________________________________________

Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday here at Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his other weekly column here every Wednesday and his own style of original funny at his original humor blog Angry Seafood.

Along with providing fresh and original conservative political humor, Radioactive Liberty understands our role in getting vital information to the public about the dangers we face in our daily lives.

Today we pass along some tips on avoiding Swine Flu.

Please read them thoroughly and act accordingly. The lives of yourselves and fellow Americans depend on it.

Do not interact with illegal immigrants

Did the Swine Flu begin in America then spread into Mexico?

No.

This is proof positive that we should not let the Typhoid Marias and Pandemic Pablos into our country. It does us no good to pay migrant workers dirt wages only to have them get us sick, thus negating the purpose of underpaying them in the first place.

Oh and also keep out anyone from France. They probably have like ten diseases in their underarm hair alone.

And I mean the women.

Do not have sex with pigs

You would think this advice would be a no-brainer but in this society?

There are warnings on plastic bags so people won’t put them over their head and kill themselves. There are childproof caps that adults can not open. DVD players set the time automatically.

So don’t have sex with pigs. Trust me on this.

If you do, wear a condom and then see a therapist after.

Keep your distance from gypsies

Did I ever tell you about the time I waited on a family of American gypsies?

They don’t exist you say? You never lived in northeastern Massachusetts my friends. The Moonies live there too by the way.

Anyways they rang up a $200 dollar bill and left a zero dollar tip.

Fucking gypsies. I hope they all get Swine Flu.

Pretend everyone infected is a zombie and blow their heads off with a shotgun

Spock once said: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

Frankly, I think he was full of crap. Nimoy was laying a guilt trip on the producers for an appearance in Star Trek 3.

He does have a point though about needing to kick some ass so start exercising your Second Amendment rights and start exorcising the Swine Flu from the zombies via the Boomstick.

Your country and Bruce Campbell will thank you for it.

Good night and God Bless America, especially in this time of crisis. And of course shop smart.

Shop S-Mart.

____________________________________________________

Chris Cameron writes this weekly column every Wednesday as well as Political Humor Quick Hits every Tuesday here at Radioactive Liberty. You can also read funny but weird stuff at his own humor blog Angry Seafood.