Political Humor

If the the Republicans don’t cave in to the demands of Democrats on the Budget, the government will shut down. The Democrats would like you to believe that if there is a government shutdown, then poor school children will be forced to kill and cook their grandparents for food — and to save their grandparents the indignity of being a further burden to ObamaCare.

This is a lie. What is far more insidious about the potential for a government shutdown is that the National Parks will be forced to shut down. You may think it’s no big deal for our national parks to be unfunded, but that is horribly incorrect.

The truth is far more terrifying that any Lord of the Flies style dystopia that could be conjured up by overactive imaginations and generally condescending views of people as perpetual helpless victims of Tea Party brutality.

Yes. The TRUTH is that if the government shuts down, a natural disaster of Biblical proportions would occur. Many people are not aware that Yellowstone is a supervolcano, and if it blows, it will make every disaster – man made and natural combined – look like nothing by comparison.

The Earth will be shrouded in darkness and enveloped by ash. The Global Warming Hoax will be declared officially dead as, according to Open University Vulcanologist Professor Stephen Self:

“An area the size of North America can be devastated and pronounced deterioration of global climate would be expected for a few years following the eruption,” Professor Self explained. “They could result in the devastation of world agriculture, severe disruption of food supplies and mass starvation. These effects could be sufficiently severe to threaten the fabric of civilisation.”

Acid rain will pour down from the sky, poisoning the water supply with over 2000 million tons of sulfuric acid being spewed forth from an exploding, and unfunded Yellowstone. Worse yet,

“Fema had no contingency plans for a disaster on this scale. The largest disaster they ever had to deal with was 9/11 and that stretched their resources to the limit,”

Even if they did, THEY WOULDN’T BE FUNDED!

It gets worse still. According to MoveOn.Org “Republican budget cuts to the Department of Energy’s Office of Science could kill.” Indeed it will, as SCIENCE!™ is the only hope humanity has to avert this global natural disaster, and Republicans want to defund the very scientific discoveries that will keep Yellowstone at bay.

It is essential to fund SCIENCE!™ so that intelligent Scienticians can come to a consensus that an additional two or three Trillion dollars in federal government deficit spending will keep Yellowstone at bay — For NOW (dun, dun, dunnnn).

If that doesn’t work, I say we launch a pre-emptive strike against Yellowstone and attack before it unleashes it’s fury and rage towards evil conservatives who are Hell bent on gutting Medicare, killing old people, and starving small children. Remember, it’s only okay to harm children before they are born. After they’re born, you’re supposed to frighten them about global warming.

If this budget doesn’t pass, you can forget about your stocked up canned goods and plastic wrap. We’re all doomed, and it will all be the fault of the Tea Party.

But “hope lies eternal” that the Republicans will stop kowtowing to the Tea Party extremists that have been running the party. Disaster may be averted, but only if we can all agree to spend, spend, spend, spend.

This morning, Harry Reid said “… but hope lies eternal”, when asked about how 2011 budget negations are going with the evil Tea Party.

Let’s not get into the weeds about who’s fault it is the Dems couldn’t pass a budget last year, when they controlled the House, Senates and the Presidency.

The Democrats can in no way be held accountable for not passing a budget by last October as mandated by law. They were far too busy helping us by passing things like ObamaCare to worry about a little thing like funding the government.

The obvious problem for Democrats is now, a very few freshman Tea Party caucus member are SO powerful, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, et.al. can’t get past them with their overwhelming numbers and seniority. What’s are they going to do when more are elected in 2012? All hope truely is lost!

“…but hope lies eternal.” I can read at least two meanings into that phrase. And both reflect the Far Left’s policies. Funny how an obvious slip on Reid’s part reveals so much.

What ever happens, government shut down or not, I’m still voting Obama. I’ll tell you why next time.

The Tea Party is racist. The unbiased staff at NPR said it, so it must be true.

If you believe in limited government, you’re just a racist. If you think the government is bloated, and overstepping it’s boundaries, you just hate Obama because he’s half white. If you think the Federal Government needs to reign in spending and be fiscally solvent, you’re judging Vice President Biden by the color of his skin and not the absence of his character.

If you believe in personal liberty, and the independence of the individual to be free from government tyranny, then you only hate Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton because your bigoted against the transgendered.

I do diverge from my fellow conservatives on the issue of abortion, though. I think any measure that allows Liberals to volunteer to prevent themselves from procreating is a good thing. I fully support a woman’s right to choose to exterminate future generations of her culture. Why is it that changing the words after “right to choose” makes me a sociopath?

Those of us on the Right are being accused of wanting to kill off Aurthur, and the rest of the PBS children’s show characters, and I have about had it with these accusations. I don’t know of one single Right-winger that has the cojones to personally put a gun to Elmo’s head and pull the trigger to snuff out the little shit.

Oh, but think of the poor children – - I mean, the one’s that weren’t aborted. Whatever will they watch, other than Handy Manny, Dora the Explorer, and a jizzillion other kids shows on dozens of networks on cable tv? Poor Bert and Ernie, they’ll be relegated to obscurity on cable TV.

I always said, “If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.” I only have one speed. I only have one gear. Go.

Looks like it’s up to me to put Aurthur out of his misery. I heard Aardvark is delicious too. That’s how conservatives roll. We eat what we kill.

That reminds me, people have been raving about my burgers and want my secret recipe. No, you cannot have my secret recipe. No, the secret ingredient is not Aarvark. I will never tell what my secret is. [Note to self: Stop by the abortion clinic on the way home. Burgers on the grill tonight.]

Just admit it, Teabaggers. You only hate President Obama because he’s gay.