Political Humor

This is the second edition of Political Humor Under Fiar, a brief — and apparently quarterly — roundup of the days current events.

Democrats Keep Dropping Like Flies

The Democrats are working overtime to spin the retirement of Evan Bayh as a win for Liberalism. They’re just not ready to kiss their asses goodbye yet. Bayh is being depicted as one of

“a growing line of pragmatic, find-a-way politicians who are abandoning Washington.”

In some cases he is even being depicted as a conservative, even though he was a through and through, tow-the-party-line Democrat. He could be counted on to vote in lock step with the Party on legislation, but if they were to tell us that, then the story here would be that the Democrats have suffered yet another blow.

Instead, the story is that “The moderate middle is disappearing from Congress.” I’m not sure how that is even a story. All you get from Moderates is useless conciliation that gives us watered down compromises that result in everyone being dissatisfied with the result.

The mantra of the day is “Gridlock.” When Republican legislation is blocked by filibuster, or whatever, it is a Glorious Day. The country is saved, but when the Democrat agenda is foiled, even with the majority in both houses of Congress, it is “gridlock” and if we don’t find a way to ram The New New Stimulus Pork Bill through to passage the country just might not survive, what with the initial 3 trillion dollars being of so much help and all.

Senator Arlen Specter observed that it is easier to raise money for political campaigns when you are on the “fringe” of the party, noting that,

“I have to work a lot harder than somebody who has an ideological base.”

So, to recap, it’s easier to get elected when you have actual principles to campaign on. Who woulda thunk it?

The REAL story of Bayh stepping down is the admission of the fact that government serves no measurable useful purpose. Bayh has reported that he is rejoining the private sector in order to have “Real accomplishments in a real way.” Thus proving the point that the biggest problem with politicians is that they want to be politicians, instead of contributing to society.

In related News, when Democrats don’t retire, they just die. They’re still eligible to vote, of course. First it was Ted Kennedy, and more recently John Murtha died while having gall bladder surgery. According to an AP report on Congressman John Murtha’s funeral

“U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is remembering congressman John Murtha at his Pennsylvania funeral as a friend to men and women in the military.”

A friend to men and women in the military? This would, of course, be the very same John Murtha that said of the Marines involved in the Haditha case,

“There was no firefight. There was no IED that killed these innocent people. Our troops overreacted because of the pressure on them, and they killed innocent civilians in cold blood.”

The charges were ultimately dropped. With friends like Murtha, who needs enemas? Perhaps I’m just being a bitter Pennsylvanian.

King Tut Autopsy

Speaking of dead politicians, DNA testing shows that the famous Egyptian Pharaoh, King Tut, died of malaria. Mosquitoes, which carry malaria, are one of the deadliest creatures on the face of the Earth. Since the time of the hysteria over DDT instigated by Rachael Carson, millions more have died from a common and preventable disease.

Thankfully, technology may be coming to the rescue once more, albeit a few thousand years too late for King Tut. A company called Intellectual Ventures has developed a laser that targets mosquitoes. It’s like Starship Troopers on a miniature scale.

Additional conclusions from the study show King Tut also suffered from an infected broken leg and that he had many health problems due to “genetic deformations caused by the marriage of his father Akhenaten to his sister.” I never knew that Tut was from Mississippi?

That wraps up this edition of Political Humor Under Fiar. Leave words of praise and admiration in the comments section. See you in three months.

Wow!

That’s pretty much my reaction to that poster from 1911, or just about anything currently coming out of the mouths of the Democrats.

Not a day goes by that I don’t hear a new twist on the same failed policies from the past. No, not the ones George Bush used. I was thinking of the failed policies of Francisco Franco and Benito Mussolini -amongst others. Both of whom are still dead.

You suck my blood like a leech
You break the law and you preach
Screw my brain till it hurts
You’ve taken all my money
And you want more
Excerpt: Death on Two Legs, lyrics by Freddie Mercury

By in large, politicians just don’t listen. Once elected, they conveniently forget to the old, two ears, one mouth rule.  Still, there is a bit of difference between Democrats and Republicans. Some Republicans are starting to listen… a little.

Once they removed their giant elephant heads from their cranial repositories, they discovered a bunch of upset folks. Folks that are ready to vote them out, if they don’t straighten-up and fly (to the) right. But the Democrats have their donkey heads rammed so far up, it’s doubtful they could hear anything, except the non-stop, rhetorical diarrhea flowing from their pie-holes.

I’d have to suspect that talking that much shit -with an anal sphincter tightly constricted around ones neck- would lead to their bodily systems running in reverse. It’s no wonder they’ve got backwards ideas, like government creates jobs and Capitalism is too big. And of course, my favorite: the people of Massachusetts we’re so angry at W, they elected Scott Brown. If that’s not comically inversely proportional to reality, I don’t know what is.

With that kind of contrary thinking Dems, it’s time to kiss your asses goodbye. Some of you have more time than others, but all should practice puckering-up.  It should be convenient, your lips are already so very close.

But… There’s always a but when it comes to asses, and there are few larger butts or bigger asses than the one I’m about to mention. Believe it or not, I can actually think of one Democrat I’d like to see elected in 2012. It’s with this seemingly ridiculous statement in mind, I want to be first to throw my considerable political influence behind the campaign to elect Ted Kennedy as President.

Think about it.

Now that he’s dead, he finally knows how to keep his mouth shut.

We won’t have to worry about him being assassinated. The Secret Service will be happy about that.

Teddy wouldn’t be able to sign any spending Bills into law. This will make him extremely fiscally conservative.

He won’t be boring us, every other day, with some inane teleprompter speech. I’m pretty sick of hearing Obama read bromides that direct platitudes back to the speaker.

This list could go on and on. Feel free to add your own.

Still, the best reason I know,  to go All the Way with Teddy K in 2012, is no matter how much he stinks, it can’t be worse than the stench coming out of Washington now.

Conservative Political Satire and Climate Change Humor by Les James can be located at Sideshow Mirrors and Mild Max

This week’s Political Humor Quick Hits looks at pigs, pointing, and protesting…

No Need to Freak Out about Pig Flu

The Pig Flu is nothing to worry about.

I know that the Baby Boomers are retiring and a current baby boom is underway, which puts about 1/3 of all Americans right in the wheelhouse of a pandemic.

Do not be concerned however. In the 1918 pandemic healthy adults were dying more often than infants and old people.

See? Everything will be just fine.

We also have a solid, secure border with Mexico and can stop anyone from crossing over illegally, especially those infected with pig flu.

So relax everyone. Things are going to be okay. Do not panic.

After all, we do not want a repeat of what happened on that fateful day at the country club swimming pool back in the 1970′s do we?

Pointing Politicians

Growing up, I was told that pointing at people is impolite so it is confusing why so many politicians are doing so much of it.

Come on Ted you are one of the beautiful people. I know it was your birthday bash and you got a Profile in Courage Award and all that but where are your manners?

You know better.

Hell, even your wife Vicky did a wave. A really weird one, but still it was not pointing.

Obama likes to let others do the pointing for him. Easier to deflect blame that way and keep high approval numbers.

During the 2008 Campaign John McCain pointed to a better future as President. Republican Lite? No thanks said the voters.

I Know Times are Tough But…

Is this really the right way to go about a protest over unpaid wages?

“A Serbian union official who chopped off his finger and ate it in a protest over wages that in some cases have not been paid in years, said Monday he did it to show how desperate he and other workers were.

‘ “We, the workers have nothing to eat, we had to seek some sort of alternative food and I gave them an example,” Zoran Bulatovic told Reuters. “It hurt like hell.” ‘

Not only did he cut off his own finger with a hacksaw and ate it but it wasn’t even his idea!

“Bulatovic said he decided to act after his deputy, “a single mother of three, was the first to say she would cut off her finger. I could not allow her to do that,” he said.”

Why cut off your own finger when you can get your boss to do it instead? That deputy, she is one smart cookie.

Bulatovic, well he’s only got nine more fingers to negotiate with so he better hope management doesn’t hold out too long.

I’ll give him credit for going far beyond what any union leader would have done in this country though. That deserves props and I’d like to shake his hand some day.

No, the other hand please.

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Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday here at Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his weekly column here every Wednesday and his own style of original funny at his original humor blog Angry Seafood.