Political Humor

There is a lot of talk lately about Santa Claus’ girth setting a bad example for children. I don’t understand where the hell they got this concept that Saint Nick is some kind of icon for how we want to live. The guy shows up once a year with a bunch of presents, like a deadbeat dad trying to win his kid over with material items. He sneaks in the house like an ex with a restraining order. (“Shhh don’t tell Mommy I’m here, I’m supposed to stay 1000 yards away”)

I saw Daddy breaking court orders, underneath the mistletoe last night.

So maybe we need to look at Thanksgiving instead of my bad singing. Even though the holiday is pretty much forgotten and gets in the way of Christmas, it still is a custom rich in history and tradition. These are different times, so perhaps Thanksgiving needs a re-do.

‘Last Supper’

This will be the new name for the holiday because ‘Thanksgiving’ is too cheerful for an event marking the last time the natives held home field advantage. Like Jesus, the Indians’ days were numbered.

Disease-Infested Blankets

The first tradition of Thanksgiving Day is the high school football game. Usually it’s pretty cold and sometimes rainy or snowy. What better way to mess with the opposing team then by giving their fans blankets with smallpox in them? Much like the colonists did, you can use this tactic of conquering the Native Americans and apply it locally.

Kids/Indentured Servants Table

This is a new addition to that dreaded small table off to the side of the ‘main’ Thanksgiving Day dinner one: the servants. Unfortunately, only the kids grew up and graduated from the kid table. The indentured servant labor force morphed into straight-up slavery once Jamestown figured out which one was cheaper. Sorry indentured people.

It is time we re-thought our holidays before political incorrectness sets in and ruins our fine traditions. Maybe there is still time for Santa to shed some pounds for the good of us all.

Blankets anyone?

Chris Cameron’s oddness and gutter-humor can also be read at Angry Seafood. Click at your own peril. He also wishes you and yours a safe and healthy holiday.

Humor-blogs.com doesn’t push aside Thanksgiving for Christmas. Or Kwanzaa for that matter.