Political Humor

So protesters in the U.K., angry over college tuition rate hikes attacked Prince Charles the other day.

British officials defended the country’s security establishment Friday after rampaging student protesters attacked a car carrying the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall.

The chief of the Metropolitan Police pledged to launch a full and detailed investigation into the incident, which saw protesters set upon the heir to the throne’s Rolls Royce as it drove through London’s busy West End Thursday night. A group of up to 20 protesters, some chanting “off with their heads!” smashed a rear window and splashed white paint on the vehicle. Charles and Camilla were visibly shaken, but unharmed.

In light of this incident I think the U.K. should not raise college tuition, and instead keep it as cheap as possible. Why?

Prince Charles is not a smart target for a protest.

Not only does he have zero clout with the British government but he’s not even the top dog of the monarchy. He means nothing in trying to sway government opinion.

It’s like egging the dog catcher’s house because you are pissed about the way the mayor is handling the budget.

Obviously these protesters are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. They clearly need more education.

And they are ungrateful too.

Do they not realize that without Prince Charles they would not be aware that humans have 96 months to live? (That was July 2009. We only have 79 more at this point.)

Do they not understand that without the Prince they would forget how boring Monarchs really are?

And there would be no spaghetti night every Wednesday either.

So yeah U.K. you need to re-think this idea of raising the price of going to college. You can’t afford another generation of stupid people.

So the United Kingdom wants to give Ted Kennedy the honorary knighthood.

Why stop there? Why not skip over a few titles and go straight to Sainthood?

The Protestants are still arguing over past saints’ qualifications and the Born Again/Rapture people are too busy preparing for the end of the world. Being Catholic puts Kennedy on the fast track for sainthood in Christianity.

It is perfect for him.

What do you mean he has to be dead?

Okay fine, argue semantics all you want. In the meantime we should name a bridge after the man who is less brave than Sir Robin, a fellow Knight…

Ted will also be in good company with fellow Knight George Mitchell who showed the use of the Kennedy cover-up tactic when he investigated steroids in baseball. Mitchell is a former Congressman after all.

Kidding aside, this does not bode well for the security of England. What if there is suddenly a need for the Knights of the Round Table again?

The country’s armed forces would not be led by the likes of a King Arthur with a magic sword but rather a really old guy with a cane and a serious penchant for alcoholic refreshments.

England your Knights would be people like: Michael Caine, Sean Connery, Roger Daltry, Nick Faldo, Patrick Stewart, Rod Stewart, all the Gibbs except Andy, and Roger Moore.

While they would not be the best choices to engage an opposing army, the group would have one hell of a barbeque.

There could be a 70′s theme with “Staying Alive” and “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy”. There could be an accent-off between Caine and Connery.

Patrick Stewart might be arguing with Roger Daltry over whether Tommy was actually an opera. Faldo could teach golf tips and Ted, well he’s running the bar of course.

None of this means a hill of beans however, whatever that means as well in the grand scheme of things. I’ll be impressed when they make Ted Kennedy the honorary Captain of the US Swim Team.

That would be an achievement.

Bonus points if the team trains in the Mary Jo Kopeckne Olympic Pool.

This complete bashing of Ted Kennedy and his lack of accountability was brought to you by Chris Cameron who writes this political humor column every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty.