Political Humor

Finally a reason lacking all sense of political humor and silliness for why we should all vote for John McCain: old people are frugal.

Times are tight and if you haven’t noticed the government’s addiction to money is worse then Lindsey Lohan’s addiction to attention, and at least once in awhile we get something out of the Fed. Then again, the way Lohan has gotten around I’m not so sure I’d even want her hand touching my wedding tackle. I would even go as far as to make her put on dishwashing gloves to be safe. Might be a little rough but I digress.

First off, old people place a lot more value on money then the rest of us. They remember when things like a hamburger cost a quarter, or when someone had to eat the leather of their shoes to survive in the Great Depression. Waiters and waitresses wince whenever the bill goes to Grandpa. Look at how many old timers use those rubber coin purses that they have to squeeze to access all their pennies.

Usually there are dimes in the purse too but they used them all on a grandson in one of those slotted birthday cards.

This is what America needs: a cheap leader. An old person fits the bill and McCain happens to be a senior citizen. What luck!

No longer would we have a budget so sky-high. McCain could just yell “malarkey” or “if you don’t like being cheap then scram!” when someone wants to spend more money. You know how stubborn those old timers can be, so you can be sure McCain will stick to his guns.

Another benefit is that an old person for a President will be able to recommend deals for the country’s citizens. Maybe during a speech in a city he tells people to go to a certain diner because the Early Bird Fish & Chips is a great bargain. In another town there might be a good deal on polyester slacks at WalMart.

There will also be the added benefit of someone old always reminding Americans how good we have it now. We will be repeatedly told that kids today do not have to walk to school twelve miles in a snowstorm uphill both ways.

Now if McCain were only Jewish we could really start saving money. Not only would we be frugal as hell but America would never pay retail again for anything from China.

My friends, that is what is called a pipe dream so I guess we will have to settle for an old Gentile.

Go McCain!

No matter who or what you vote for, vote this Election Day because it does actually matter that you participate in the process. All kidding aside.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly political humor column every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own daily train wreck of comedy on his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

[Humor-Blogs.com has funny blogs you can vote on just like an election but without the mudslinging.]

Oregon Voting Information Error

Oregon may well be the friendliest, sexiest place to vote in the nation. In how many other places can you sit, dressed or not, in the privacy of your own home and decide the fate of our country?

My adopted state has a mail-in voting system. Say what you want about voter fraud, it’s really convenient. I don’t have to stand in line, show a voter’s registration card, or talk to exit pollsters.

The ballot just appears in your mailbox. After filling it out, I can drop it by the post office or a ballot drop off point in my own good time. In order to receive this service, all you have to do is get a Oregon drivers license, and we’ll give one of those to just about anyone. You don’t even have to prove that you’re a U.S. citizen! I told you we were friendly.

Now, Oregon is leading the way in taking the stress out of even this task. I got my Voter’s Pamphlet in the mail yesterday. On the inside of the front cover, is a letter from our beloved Democrat Secretary Of State, Bill Bradbury. Toward the bottom of the letter, he encourages those who need a hand and desire to speak to a professional, to call 800-ORE-VOTE.

This number directs you to another number where you can experience “an exciting new way to go one on one with hot girls.” See, it is a sexy place to vote!

Even though the pamphlet just arrived in the mail, a flurry of protest from gay men and straight women has prompted Bradbury to swiftly change the number to 866-ORE-VOTE. There you can actually get boring help with your vexing voting questions.

Fortunately, the 800 number is still valid. So those of us, straight men and lesbian women, who need a little relief from the stress of mail-in voting, can still make that call.

I know which number Humor-Blogs.com will be using. Photo may be clicked to embiggen.