Political Humor

*Musical Intro*

Welcome to the world premiere of our brand new late night show. I’m your host, Lefty Nutsack. We’ll be bringing you the best Liberal political humor this side of Michael Moore. Which is hear is on the other side of the Milky Way.

And the entire inventory of Dunkin Donuts.

I was going to start with a joke about Sarah Palin’s daughter, but I didn’t want to be accused of stealing David Letterman’s best material. In Dave’s defense, Sarah Palin’s daughters are hot. I don’t care how old you are. *Ba dum bum*

*Crickets chirping*
*Someone coughs*
*Dead Silence*
*Crickets resume chirping*

Now would probably be a great time to introduce you to our band leader. Ladies and Gentleman, please give a warm welcome to Corey Taylor of Slipknot and Stone Sour!

Bush is a homicidal bastard!

*Raucous applause*

Careful Corey. You don’t want to be funnier than the host. *Canned laughter*

So, did you hear the joke about “Them Jews?” A preacher and a rabbi walk into a bar… Oh. You heard that one already.

How about that President Barack Obama, huh? *5 straight minutes of applause* There’s not one single thing you can possibly say to make fun of him or his administration. *5 straight minutes of applause*

No, seriously. If you do you will be put on the DHS watchlist and branded as a right wing extremist.

What do Rosie O’Donell and the Holocaust Museum shooter have in common? A lot more than the Right wing extremists the media is trying to associate him with.

Speaking of Rosie O’Donell, you won’t want to miss tomorrow night where Rosie and Wanda Sykes will hold a bad political joke telethon to see who is the least funny comedienne in America.

In the second half of the show they will mudwrestle each other. I don’t know if fire can melt steel, but we’ve  prove conclusively whether ugly can melt eyeballs.

Tune in or they’ll cancel my show *Ba dum bum*

No seriously.

*Musical outro*

How’s everyone doing tonight? Yeah, I just flew in from Louisiana, and boy are my arms tired!

[pause for laughter]

Man, that Wanda Sykes, she sure is funny. Funny-looking!

[pause for laughter]

I know, I know, she’s a lesbian crack-whore, and I hope she contracts AIDS, and dies!

[pause for laughter]

Seriously, though, I’d like to see her go hunting with Dick Cheney, and get shot in the face with a shotgun and die!

[pause for laughter]

Dick Cheney would indeed shoot her in the face. Her face is so ugly, I’m surprised she doesn’t die every time she looks in the mirror!

[pause for laughter]

You know what would be funnier? If she was walking down the street, and got gang-raped to death!

[pause for laughter]

That’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are.

Ooo, ooo, even funnier than that would be if she were in the next skyscraper some terrorists flew a plane into, and she had to choose whether to jump to her death, or burn to death in the giant fireball!

[pause for laughter]

Which one would she would choose? Who cares!

[pause for laughter]

I know this little confabulation is supposed to be about President Obama. His speech was funny. The only thing that could have made it funnier is if he died from kidney failure during it!

[pause for laughter]

You know what else would be funny? If right after he delivered his line about Dick Cheney’s book, How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People, a sniper shot him in the face!

[pause for laughter]

Do you remember when Gerald Ford used to fall down getting off Air Force One? President Obama should do that while Air Force One is flying!

[pause for laughter]

This audience sucks! You didn’t laugh at one of my funny jokes. You should all die from leukemia!

[pause for laughter]

You can find more funny jokes at JumpOuts law enforcement humor blog You Should Be Tasered