Political Humor

Air Pelosi

Nancy Pelosi has come under fire recently for traveling around in a Air Force G5 or larger aircraft, on her frequent flights between Washington DC and San Francisco Calif. The truth is that she didn’t actually use those aircraft. Well, she did once in a while, but only because the Air Force didn’t have a smaller plane available. It seems the request were made for the larger ones, she just wasn’t the one who made them. It was her staff.

It’s called plausible denialability. And Obama didn’t know what Geithner was up to either.

Yeah I know. I really liked the idea of her acting like the Wicked Bitch of the West, flying off the broom handle, abusing her power and arrogantly wasting the taxpayer’s dollars. To be fair, she’s only squandering and not outright wasting our money.

She generally flies for free in an Air Force C20, which is a Gulfstream III. This is the same plane Denny Hastert used. It only cost $900 an hour instead of the $22,000 for the larger craft. Makes it seem down right reasonable, doesn’t it?

The Speaker of the House averages 31, 11 hour round trip flights per year. These only cost us about 3.1 million. Not exactly free. This doesn’t cover the currently, unknown cost all those last minute canceled flights.

It seems Nancy likes to block out every weekend just in case she want to take a little plane flight with her family and friends. Then she waits until the last minute to cancel.

It’s really nice of her to be so thoughtful as to cancel. At least the pilots, air and ground crews can salvage some of their weekend.

Then we have all the other Congressional use of free Air Force planes. A few million more here and there. A mere pittance compared to, let’s say, I don’t know… maybe 9.3 trillion dollars!

It’s a start. I mean, if we’re going to go to any expense to retrieve $165 million, then it stands to reason we should be looking into any savings we can. It’s that line by line thing we heard about up until sometime last November.

They All Fall Down

The reason we foot the bill for these frequent flyers, is in response to the incident that happen in New York a few years ago, when some buildings fell down after being very bad indeed and needed to be brought to the ground. It seems a five sided building was naughty too and maybe some white house.

Since we no longer have enemy combatants or a War on Terror, I wasn’t sure if we could still talk about, hush… 9/11. If that term is now verboten and you’re offended, then I’m oh, so very sorry.

The Air Force was asked to keep some public officials safe -from certain, now unspecified people, who might find it necessary to fight for their freedom near these officials- by flying them around for free.

Still, the thought of those of us who can’t afford even a measly G3, fronting the cash so Nancy can go home almost every weekend, doesn’t sit very well. What it all comes down to is propriety.

The now defunct Trans American Airlines, better know as TWA, was hijacked so often by Middle Eastern types, it was widely referred to as Travel With Arabs.

So at some point in time this program was valid. But since the offensive terms have now been dropped by this administration, and with all the overtures made toward that part of the world, I’m sure they’re no longer angry at us.  We don’t need this service any longer.

As many of you know, I spend 20 years in the Army. I was stationed all across the southern portion of our country, Germany, Korea and Alaska. If I wanted to go home, I had to wait for leave and then get myself there on my own dime. That’s fine, I chose that profession and knew what I was getting into.

I’d like to believe the members of Congress, et al, knew that too. I could be wrong.

Now I’m not heartless. I want to see our hardworking civil servants get a chance to go home. I just don’t want them to fly for free.

Ridin’ The Rails

The National Railroad Passenger Corporation is a wholly government owned company. That’s right Big Brother owns an evil, Big Corporation. They operate AMTRAK. Joe Biden loves AMTRAK. He says it’s a “national treasure”.

We have dumped billions of dollars into this “treasure” and haven’t seen a red cent in return. But these railroad guys are smart. They got the system figured out. You see, they really don’t owe anything because they just pay the last “loan” off with the next one. As long as the money keeps coming in for your pockets to theirs, they’re in the clear.

Now Uncle Sam Joe wants another, paltry 1.3 billion for his beloved choo choo trains. Joe has been riding the train home for years. I think that’s wonderful. And if it’s good enough for the Veep to ride, then it’s good enough for Congress.

Now I’m sure we could get a group rate, but a monthly pass currently cost $579 a person. Multiply that by 100 in the Senate and 435 in the House and you get about 3.7 million per year in rail passes. Remember Pelosi spends over 3.1 million a year all on her own. We could save a bundle.

My question for you is, should we ride them out of town on a rail, or tell them to take a flying leap?

Les James has a humor blog, but he hasn’t been posting lately. So don’t waste your time.

Because Fiar asked for it…

Thanks to the guys at South Park for never being Politically Correct.

A continuing conservative politics series by Les James.

Wars: The Dirty Little Secrets

Act II: You Can’t Lose a War You Quit

Today I’ll attempt to paint a simple picture of America’s fascination with war, using a few of its myriad forms as examples. Of course, no image of this nature could be properly painted without first preparing the canvas with my own brand of primer.

Some years ago, I developed my 1st Law of Military Motion. Since that time I’ve opened up that franchise to include just about everybody. It goes like this: For every action, there is an opposite over-reaction. Unfortunately, it’s a Law we’ll probably never get repealed.

Having been brainwashed as a warrior –there may have been a little shrinkage- I have a better than average view of what a war is and what a war isn’t. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of our recent “war” efforts and gage it against our government’s actions and reactions, shall we? This should be amusing.

The War on Drugs

What a Cluster! You can’t declare war on an object! Because that would mean that you’d have to kill drugs. Since it’s so hard to tap drugs once in the head and twice in the chest, we wisely decided instead, to send the DEA to Columbia, and other countries, to kill people associated with drugs. Good move, going after the supply, instead of the demand. I give it two thumbs up. You can decide where.

Drug cartels are very exclusive and difficult clubs to get in to, but having attended the Defense Language Institute with some of these DEA guys, I can tell you that besides being certifiable, they’re doggedly determined to make it past the velvet ropes and bouncers.

Despite the heroic and valiant efforts of our brave men and women in law enforcement, our seeming unwillingness to prosecute those who violate our laws, coupled with our porous borders, make this war an almost futile endeavor. It’s unwinnable, it’s costing too many lives and too much money. Thanks for all of your sacrifices guys, we support you, but maybe we should pull out now.

The War on Poverty

Here we go again. In this case we have to try to kill poverty. While we can see its effects, we just can’t seem to track it down. Maybe it’s hiding in a cave with Bin Laden?

Unlike the War on Drugs, for some reason we can’t send in Special Ops to kill people associated with poverty. So instead we send in social workers with bags of money to buy them off.

If you listen carefully, sometimes you can still hear the muted cries from certain concerned advocacy groups, but for the most part our leaders are silent on this subject. Why? Because they realized a long time ago that it was unwinnable, yet we still throw tons of devalued dollars at it each year.

This is a social cause and it soothes the bleeding heart. Besides it’s only the taxpayers’ money that’s being spent. There’s always more where that came from.

We’re not about to pull out on this one right now because it feels too good. Just wait though; sooner of later we’ll get tired of poverty too. Then we’ll discard yet another paramour on to the heap of stained blue dresses. That reference never gets old!

The War on Hand Guns

How would that even work? First off, our opposition doesn’t even like guns, so they wouldn’t use them. They’re frightened of guns. Reason: guns represent a fast paced, unswerving force that once unleashed can’t be bargained with. No amount of negation or even surrender will change the mind of a bullet, once it’s set on course. Remember, guns don’t kill people, bullets do.

Even that isn’t completely true. A bullet causes damage after it leaves the chamber of the gun, which was fired by a human possessing free will and desire. Once again, we’re going after the wrong thing. Still. First we have to start with handguns and then as hunting decreases, we expand the range to include all weapons.

So, how do we win this “war”? By the use of Activist Judges undermining the 2nd Amendment to ensure that only the government and criminals have firearms, that’s how. But I’m preaching to the choir. Wait a second, did I say government and criminals, shouldn’t that have been…

The War on Child Pornography

I’m disgusted by the very thought of this abomination. Anyone who would participate in this atrocious act should be publicly and slowly skinned alive, on nation-wide TV, while having salt poured over them. Anyone convicted of viewing child porn should be staked out on the floor of Death Valley, in the summer, and have their eyes eaten out by buzzards and ants.

Sorry to be so vague and tiptoeing around the subject but I think you can still get an idea of how strongly I feel about this topic. To make matters even worse, the ACLU fights for these vile monsters! I won’t describe what I think should happen to that bunch. It might be a little over the top.

How do we kill this horror? How do we stop it? Well, we use the same model that’s been so wildly successful in our other campaigns. This time we go after the Internet. Yeah, that’s the ticket. It’s all the Internet’s fault.

By the way, has anyone spoken to Al Gore about this? After all, he claims that it’s his baby, the one that he birthed, that we’re gunning for. Does anyone know who the father was?

The War on Terrorism

Finally a real war… sort of. Not that the War on Drugs isn’t real, unfortunately it’s more of a police action. But once again we’ve tried to acquire the wrong target. Just like racism and sexism, you can’t kill terrorism.

I’ve looked down the barrel of many a fine weapon but I’ve never been able to sight in on an “ism”. Sorry Mr. President, can’t do it. An “ism” is a belief. You can’t wipeout a belief. You can change the minds of those who support it or you kill ‘em. That’s the only two ways we can minimize one of these nasty little critters. Praise the Lord and pass the ammo.

What we can do though is get racists, sexists and terrorists in our crosshairs. Fortunately, we can only pull the trigger on the last one. I say fortunate, because you well know what the other side thinks of us.

Kill the terrorists and those who support them. And remember that just like in banking, there are severe penalties for early withdrawal. That’s the way to win this war.

Except that once again, it’s the same old same old. While the War on Terrorism is still far more popular than Congress (maybe we need to consider a withdrawal there too), it’s unwinnable, it’s costing too many lives and too much money. Thanks for your sacrifices guys. We support you. But yeah, that’s right, we gotta consider pulling out.

A parting thought for those of you that believe that all war is wrong. Shouldn’t you be picketing the intercity slums, gang bangers and the anti-guns lobbies too? Just a little something to mull over should you ever come down from what ever your on.

Humor-Blogs.com is on drugs.