Political Humor

I ran into a liberal on Monday. Actually, it was the other way around, the lib ran into me. This is a true story. It isn’t funny, but I believe it’s worth telling.

Stuck indoors for the last few weeks -while the Pineapple Express sent one warm, wet storm after another our way- I’d contracted cabin fever.

Here in Central Oregon we’re use to snowy winters. But once in a while the gulf stream shifts in such a manner, as to allow the moisture to come in the form of cold rain and wet snow. Those gray, Seattle-type winters make me very aware as to why Democrats living on the west side of the Cascades are such a miserable lot.

Monday, we had a break in the abysmal weather, and I wasn’t about to let the opportunity slip by to get some sunshine. I jumped into my little car and took off. The 32 MPG Aspire had 241,000 mile on it, but still ran like a top. With front wheel drive and studded tires, it beat the hell out of driving my four wheel drive truck in the wet and icy conditions I knew I would encounter going over the mountains.

So, no shit there I was, minding my own business. Off to enjoy a beautiful day. Driving through slushy snow and crossing patches of black ice is not something I like to do, but it’s something I’m pretty good at. Since conditions were poor, I was going all of about 35-40 MPH, on a major highway that cuts across the Cascade Range.

Here’s where the story gets interesting. While I was carefully negotiating a long, sweeping left turn, I saw a red car -coming the opposite direction- slide across the highway, hit the guardrail and proceed at a high rate of speed, right at me.

Let’s recap. I was driving very conservatively. I’d adjusted to the current conditions, not over extending my resources or taking wild chances. I obeyed all the laws and carefully planned out my future path. In other words, doing everything right. Doing everything a good citizen should be doing in that environment. Yet, there was a car in my lane, going the wrong direction.

No matter what the driver did, their failure to read the lay of the land meant that a major crash was inevitable. Panic took the wheel in the red car. The front tires jerked frantically from side to side, but the surface was slippery. The car was now out of control, and we were going to hit head-on.

Calmly observing all of this, I knew I couldn’t brake hard, so I applied slow, steady pressure to the brake pedal. At the last second, I turned my little Aspire so the impact was on the front right side, and not square into the grill. The force of the blow sent me and my damaged property across two lanes, and straight into a snow covered guardrail.

The air bags deployed as the vehicle came to a very sudden stop. If you’re wondering, no, I didn’t die. I knew I hadn’t died, because the pain from being slammed into from the side and then impacting into the guardrail -causing the airbags to smash into my chest and face- was intense. I had difficulty hearing for a good hour.

Remember, I did everything right, but my car is gone, I’m bruised, suffered a minor concussion and can’t get rid of the headaches, but it could have been a lot worse.

The young woman who was diving the red car was very shaken-up, but aside from some scrapes on her face from the airbags, in pretty good shape. I hope she’s learned something, but if the bumper stickers on her car were any indication, she’ll most likely blame it on everything, except her own poor judgment.

I’m left to pick-up the pieces. What I’ll get for the car won’t replace it. I’ll be sore for a while, but will heal. I think the headaches will be with me for a longer time. I’ll find a way to replace what I’ve lost. Until then I’ll drive the gas guzzler. I’ll get another smaller car. It may take a while, but I will get a replacement… and it will be better than the last one.

There’s a lesson here, a teachable moment. The red car can be seen as current political policy, and driving it is Obama and the Democrat Congress… in our lane…going the wrong direction. I’m pretty sure a few Republicans are in the back seat, along for the joy ride.

I, just like most of our readers, have played by the rules. We’ve worked hard, been productive, paid our “fair share” of taxes, and asked for very little from anyone, other than to be left alone. Now, our out of control government is bearing down on us. A head-on crash is inevitable, but it’s not going to be an accident.

After the crash, we conservatives will do what we’ve always done. We’ll pick up the pieces, put them back together as best we can, and get on with rebuilding our lives. It may take a while, but we will rebuild… and it will be better than before.

On a side note, I’ve only been in two accidents. In a bizarre coincidence, I’ve only owned two small cars. Both of them met an early demise at the hands of young women who were into sharing. That is, sharing my lane. Conclusion: These women are very attracted to me when I drive a small car, or -and far more likely- Younger Women Can’t Drive!