Political Humor

The economy is bad. President Obama says that the financial crisis will only get worse. And worse. And even worse still. One concerned reader has written to Obama for advice on how to navigate this recession.

Dear most benevolent one,

I have recently lost my job, and I have been unable to find new employment for several months now. I have looked everywhere, but in my area there really just aren’t any jobs to be had. I am struggling to make ends meet, and soon I will run out of money that I had socked away for a rainy day. I really need some advice on how I can back on my feet. I eagerly await your reply, My Liege.

~ Jobless in Jacksonville

I would try to be more resourceful. There’s a whole Internet out there that Al Gore invented, and it’s rich with home business opportunities. I would look into some of these options to begin generating some income.

For example, did you know that you can get paid to fill out surveys? I find that almost as intriguing as I find the dimensions of this bucket, which may or may not be big enough to fit on my head. My favorite surveys are the ones that ask questions like:

How would you rate President Obama’s job performance? Good, Great, Awesome, or Rock on Dude!

Another perfectly legitimate work from home jobs option is to work from home stuffing envelopes. You could send out new posters with me on them. Sadly, there are many Americans that only have posters of me from before I was elected President. You can help by being part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

You could also try blogging for dollars. There are many people writing these weblogs, or blogs, these days, and I have found that they can be a great way to make money doing nothing. You could make a blog about how awesome I am.

If you can develop a rabid and devoted following that hangs on to your every word as if it were gospel, you can sell almost anything. You could even tell them that your shit doesn’t stink and they will believe it. And if your shit does stink, we’re running a limited time offer on my new Obama Colon Cleanse. Satisfaction is guaranteed. If my colon cleanse doesn’t clean you out, my tax increases will.

See how easy it was to throw a little sales pitch there in the middle? I know many people worry about looking like shady, slimy, corrupt marketers by asking people to buy something. One of my best friends is a domestic terrorist, and I got elected President of the United States of America, so clearly there is no need to be concerned about your credibility. It wouldn’t be at all difficult to sell a few Obama Victory Plates, Obama tshirts, Obama Chia heads, Obama bobble head dolls, or Obama coin collections.

It’s easy to make money without contributing anything at all of value, and if you don’t believe me, just look at my own career for proof. However, you may have a little difficulty with this business strategy if you are not a vacant, empty suit with bubble gum pop star appeal.

Disclaimer: Don’t take home business advice from a political humor site, and don’t take blogging advice from a guy who can’t stop getting his head stuck in a bucket. Obama Colon Cleanse may or may not be a real product, but if it is real it’s a sure sign of the Apocalypse.

Obama Bucket Head Image courtesy of Sideshow Mirrors Satire. Origin of Obama Bucket Joke by Frank J of IMAO right wing humor.

If you have a question for What Would Obama Do, please leave it in the comments.