It’s been a while since I updated my platform for being Cruel, deranged, bloodthirsty Despot of the Universe. I still promise to be completely psychotic, and I still guarantee that we will invade Canada to steal their oil. I don’t recall ever addressing the issue of taxes, however. As Cruel, deranged, bloodthirsty Despot of the Universe, I will restructure our tax policy so that the wealthy are exempt from taxes and the poor pay the majority of the tax burden.
“But FIAR! How can they pay taxes if they’re poor?” I know what you are thinking. Poor people need every penny that they have. They’re poor, after all, and just trying to make ends meet. The wealthy, on the other hand can spare a thousand dollars.. or a million. Whatever.
You only think this way because you’ve been conditioned to think of poor people as helpless, and in need of a helping hand. You need to realize that the current system rewards non-productivity, and punishes those who produce. This is set up this way just to create a dependency. It really is the goal of the tax system to punish achievement and reward victimhood.
Under my new system, if you don’t contribute to society, you pay society back with higher taxes. If you own a successful business, and employ thousands of people, you’ve already done more than your fair share. You produce a product or service that is wanted or needed, and employ thousands of people who need a job in the process of providing said product or service. Why would we, as a society, or government ask for more? Well, I won’t.
Let’s go back to our current policy of taxing the rich. If you know that putting forth greater effort will result in paying a penalty, what will you do? You will decide to forgo the extra effort, unless you are odd and like being punished for achieving. Our tax policy is reducing our ability to create, invent, and be innovative, and efficient.
Additionally, we reward non-productivity. If you’re poor, you’re probably not contributing much. That’s why you’re poor. We reward this behavior. You don’t pay taxes. We provide you with housing, at the expense of those who do achieve something. Got kids? We’ll give you money to take care of them, and we’ll give you more money if you have more children. All at the expense of people who already contribute to the well being of society. All at the expense of those who contribute to the greater good by their mere existence.
By taxing the poor, we punish people for being unproductive, and we reward people who are productive with a tax exemption. “But the poor people can’t afford to pay the taxes.” So, make more money, then you will pay less in taxes and you’ll be able to afford the new tax rate, because it will be lower. We, as a society need to reward achievement, and I plan to do this by taxing the poor.
Does Humor-Blogs.com pay its fair share in taxes?
2004–2008
14 responses so far ↓
1
fmragtops
// May 14, 2007 at 8:49 pm
That’s even better than the Fair Tax.
2
Sssteve
// May 14, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Cool, since I’m rich I won’t have to pay anymore taxes! Whoo Hooo! Oh yeah, will Richj have to pay any? He is a rich too you know!
3
RT - Chief Mongress
// May 14, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Since I am paid by taxpayers, do I have to pay taxes?
In any case, that was genius!
4
Wild Bill
// May 15, 2007 at 7:29 am
Richer Lover!!!!
5
richj
// May 15, 2007 at 11:52 am
Yeah, I don’t have to pay taxes anymore. Thanks FIAR.
6
Wyatt Earp
// May 15, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Tax those poor bastards back to The Stone Age!!!
7
Wonder Woman
// May 16, 2007 at 2:05 pm
“and I still guarantee that we will invade Canada to steal their oil.”
Most of our oil is in the part of the country that believes in gun ownership and “wars for oil”…so come and get it, Cheeky…
8
jimmyb
// May 16, 2007 at 9:59 pm
Tax monger.
9
Eileen
// May 23, 2007 at 3:16 pm
ok, I am going to bore you all with Eileen’s tax plan, a compromise between “fair” and “what we can afford”
(You can stop reading here if you like ..)
What is Fair:
We all pay the same amount for things like the basic government structure and defense and stuff that benefits all pretty close to equally.
We pay based on our use of other stuff.
Affordable:
No one pays so much tax that they don’t have enough money to house and feed their family. (My idea of what people need is less than what many now get for free).
What is “Fair” is not necessarily “Affordable” by some.
(This is another good point to stop reading if you don’t agree with me so far).
The Plan:
No Tax on some set amount based on cost of living in your area and the size of your family.
30% tax on everything after that UP TO what is considered your fair amount.
(Your share if we took the whole bill and divided it among all the people. You would have to pay the share for all your dependents as well.)
After that you start paying a gradually DECREASING amount to help cover the cost of those who can not afford their fair share.
This means if you have more kids, you would have a lower base non taxed amount, but would have a higher fair share.
However once you paid your “fair” share, the tax percent on your remaining income would start to go gradually down.
I would also propose a tax refund, later in life if your kids become tax contributors instead of tax burdens.
(If my comment is longer does it decrease the advantage of the terrorists?)
10
FIAR
// May 24, 2007 at 10:12 am
Who decides what “fair share” is?
11
Redneck
// May 24, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Flat Tax
Pay 23% on anything above $30,000.
Or a National Sales Tax on luxury items.
Pay 35% on anything that cost more than $35,000. Yes, that would include houses.
12
Eileen
// May 26, 2007 at 2:30 am
Did I forget to mention how to calculate “fair share”?
T = total tax bill (the sum of all the taxes collected from the people)
N = the number of people living in the country.
D = The number of people you claim as dependents when calculating your cost of living deductable OR the number of children under 18 living in your house hold (which ever is more)
Fair Share = (T/N) * D
You want to tax the poor more, this does it.
I wouldn’t give a full $30,000 as free of tax.
Does it take that much to meet basic substance?
That is not making the poor pay their fair share.
Red’s plan works better for me though, my taxes would go way down (assuming I only had to pay that 35% on my house once and not each year).
A $35,000.01 house is not a luxury item.
If they did have a luxury tax like that, stuff would just get split into smaller buckets.
But I would have to break the house it into a lot of pieces to get each one under $35,000 dollars. Maybe I could buy the roof on one contract and the floors on another, etc …
I could see people doing something like this to avoid the taxes.
13 My First Act as President // Nov 24, 2007 at 2:29 pm
[...] Then I would pass my hippie fuel bill. Then I would tax the poor. [...]
14 Short Attention Span Topics #18 | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Aug 6, 2008 at 7:13 pm
[...] Cruel Humor → Mr. Fab tells us why he hates poor people. Clearly he should be on board with my plan to tax the poor. [...]
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