Today I’m filled with hope because I can see that change is right around the corner. January 20th of 2009 is going to be the turning point in American World history. How do I know this? Because the Clinton’s are back!
Just kidding. Not about the Clinton part, that’s true. It seems Obama’s promised Big Change involves getting the band back together from the Clinton years. I was being sarcastic about the hope thing. Matter of fact, I’m going to continue to be sarcastic. It keeps me from ranting.
The officially leaked list of Obama’s Cabinet candidates looks like a Who’s Who, Chinese menu of liberal main courses and side dishes. Very few have been actually offered or accepted a job -officially. We’re all going to have to wait until Christmas to open that fortune cookie and see all of those who are really (and officially) inside.
Below is a best guess list of supposed Cabinet members, based upon official statements and unofficial conjuncture. There’s nothing like having a transparent government that we can believe in.
While our first black President (who was all white and shouldn’t to be confused with the current President elect who is half white, says he’s black but remember, it’s not about race) will not be rejoining the current administration -in an official capacity- but the author of Hillary Care will. Oh happy days!
While I can’t believe she would take any position (any position that doesn’t involve grabbing the hips from behind anyway) that contains the word Secretary in the title , still Obama is supposed to announce today, that Hillary has accepted the job as Sec. of State. That’s right S.O.S.
The Obama cabinet is shaping-up (read: rumored) to be an all-star ensemble cast that includes such notables as Tom Daschle and Bill Richardson. How’s that for earth shattering, I-can’t-believe-it change?
Richardson, who was the former Energy Sec. and a UN ambassador under Clinton, could be the next Sec. of Commerce. And Daschle? Wasn’t he something insignificant like Senate Majority Leader, before South Dakota kicked him out, and a good friend of Clinton’s? Now it looks like he might be the new Sec. of Health and Human Services.
Bill Clinton should be able to give Tom a few pointers on the Human Services side. I wonder if Daschle enjoys a good cigar? Now there’s a question fraught with innuendo.
Greg Child ring a bell? He’s going to be White House Counsel or maybe Chief of Staff or… He’s the same lawyer that tried to get Bill off during the Lewinsky scandal. I’m not sure how I mean that. Speaking of Monica, isn’t there a slot or something for her? Sorry, I’m really having trouble getting the sentence structure right and my mind out of the Liberal Lane of the Beltway; the gutter.
Child also worked with Albright and Teddy K. But wait there’s more! Remember Elian Gonzalez, the sweet, little Cuban boy who Janet Reno had removed at gunpoint from a relative’s home in Miami? Child was Elian’s father’s lawyer. Now if he would only advise Obama to do the same for all the other illegal aliens.
Then there’s Lawrence Summers, former Treasury Sec. during the Glory Years of 1992-2000, who will now head the National Economics Council… maybe. Can you say change?
Bernake and Paulson are jokes, so who are they talking about getting to fill one of those soon to be vacant positions? Well, none other then Little Timmy Geithner, WHO HAS BEEN ADVISING THEM!
Sorry, got a little worked up. It seems that stupidity know no bounds when it comes to political appointments.
Don’t forget the Kerry/Gore question. Even though neither are on the official short list, rumors fly. Which one of them might still get a shot at “saving” the great outdoors as Sec. of the Interior? You got to admit, that’s a stupid title. I suggest we change it to Sec. of the Backcountry. Much more fitting for either one of them. Yep, S.O.B.
And the list goes on and on and…
Makes you wonder if George Stephanopoulos will be rejoining the team. He’s still on TV, right? He might as well since our conservative satire blog has more fans than his show does.
It doesn’t matter who President Obama picks, one choice will be just about as bad as the next. Which leads me to this:
Hope for change all you want, you stupid ass liberals, duped Republicans and ignorant Independents, ‘cus you got what you asked for. Obama lied right to your faces and you were just too lazy to even open your eyes or unplug your ears.
Change is coming all right. Better hope it’s wearing a rubber.
Always be safe, wear a condom. Les is wearing one right now. You can find more of his sarcasm at the freak show that is Sideshow Mirrors.
Related Obama Humor around the internet
Politics by Satire explains that Obama is a Republican
America’s Watchtower concludes that Obama will be serving Bush’s 3rd term
Iowahawk reports that the terrorists didn’t get the memo that Obama was elected.
2004–2009
17 responses so far ↓
1
Eric
// Dec 1, 2008 at 11:53 am
Is there something wrong with my eyes or does Hillary really have a hard-on for the SOS job in that pic? Has her cigar fallen out?
2
Fiar
// Dec 1, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Hopenchange hopenchange hopenchange hopenchange.
I guess Obama has brought change we really can believe in.
3
David
// Dec 1, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I’m thrilled to have much of the Clinton Success Team back in Washington…Why, you say? Well, since you asked:
Aside from leaning left, during the Clinton years I still had a good paying job, my stock portfolio actually had value, my 401K was worth way more than $401.00 and I wasn’t afraid of traveling abroad with an American passport.
Those 8 good years out of the last 16 is not such a hot streak.
And really, face it – if he nominated a bunch of people who had no Washington connections, Rush and his ilk would crucify him for so much inexperience.
4
JumpOut
// Dec 1, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Why are you such a loser? Could you not make a decent living without the Clintons?
5
Les James
// Dec 1, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Just think how much better off David will be under Obama. It will be forever summer and the birds will chirp and the bees won’t sting and the cars will run on CO2. And the thing that makes this illusion possible will never wear off. It’s a product of lack of oxygen. Caused by having ones head in a very confined space.
6
Chris C
// Dec 2, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I don’t get the “now I don’t have to hide the fact I am American because of Bush” mentality.
Basing your pride in your country on politicians is pretty stupid. They are always one move away from doing dumb things. They always make this country look bad simply by being politicians.
The good thing is every country has them so it balances itself out.
7
David
// Dec 2, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I was not suggesting I was ever less than proud to be an American.
I was referring to personal safety when abroad since Bush made the country a pariah around the world with an unwarrented pre-emptive strike against a country that posed no threat to us. I am, have always been and will always be very proud to be an American.
And I remain capable of earning a good living but when the good job is outsourced abroad and I choose not to leave America to go elsewhere and work for $1 per hour or some such, then it is challenging.
But wasn’t this post all about how Obama was orchestrating the promised changes from the Bush years? So, I’m all excited about the changes that mimic the Clinton years that were so good to me. Stay on topic boys.
8
Les James
// Dec 2, 2008 at 6:11 pm
David - you’ve got such a distorted view of the world. Given that you believe that Bush alone is responsible for your lack of safety abroad and America is hated because of him shows your true lack of understanding of the world and defines your reasoning as pure bull shit.
If that were the case then shouldn’t the citizens of Iraq be beaten if they dare step outside that country for invading their neighbors while under Saddam?
What about the Russian people for invading Georgia? Should be burn their flags and threaten their personal safety?
How about all those little, nasty wars in Africa? Do we nail those folks to a cross because of their leaders?
The list is long but that makes the point. The answer is:
No. Of course not.
People are not the government. If you feel unsafe, then it’s because of the envy of the rest of the world toward us and not because of our leaders. Lust and jealousy are evils that cause more conflict than any other factor. Don’t try to sell me that idealism drives most of the world’s feeling about us. I don’t buy it.
Why do people from every corner of the globe risk life and limb to get here if it’s such a horrid place, if they hate Bush so much? I don’t see a lot of Americans running off to other countries to escape the President.
Wake up. I could give you a dozen personal examples of times when I was in danger in foreign lands when Democrats were in office.
I’ve lived in Germany and Korea, traveled extensively in India and Nepal, and visited several other countries. But being a Army Recruiter in East LA and Watts was a lot scarier then having a much needed armed escort in Cashmere.
And to stop you in your tracks, I wasn’t in uniform, and in Europe I blended rather well, since I could speak Germany and was often mistaken for just another European.
Just how many of your friends or co-workers have been injured or murdered by the hands of terrorist who weren’t Muslim? I can tell you with sadness that it’s been several of mine and none of them while Bush has been in office.
The world is a bad place. America with all it’s faults is still the finest country on this planet. But yes, I know, you love it enough to want to see it radically changed.
You’ve inspired me to start looking for a liberal political humor blog to harass. Have any suggestions?
9
JumpOut
// Dec 2, 2008 at 7:21 pm
David, my ever-so-smarter-than-me friend, my lowly, knuckle-dragging, conservative intellect cannot fathom how retreading a bunch of clintonistas, and keeping some Bushitlenronazis represents “a fundamental change in Washington.” Apparently Sen. Clinton’s ties to Punjab are needed to help settle this kerfuffle between India and Pakistan.
10
Chris C
// Dec 2, 2008 at 10:21 pm
The problem was never job outsourcing because you can not stop it. Companies are going to go where it is cheapest to produce goods.
The solution is training and teaching people to have multiple sets of job skills so that they can adapt when economies adapt and develop.
We teach specialization which is always a bad thing because the rules of the game always change when it comes to the economy.
11
RT
// Dec 2, 2008 at 11:08 pm
So…since the Clintons are back, does that mean we ignore the terrorists exist and that I get to pay a retroactive income tax? Woo hoo!!!! Those were good times!
12
David
// Dec 3, 2008 at 2:07 pm
>>>Why do people from every corner of the globe risk life and limb to get here if it’s such a horrid place
At what point did I say or even suggest that America is a horrid place?? I love the assumptions made here about anyone who is not in possession of full conservative credentials.
And I well know how to separate a people from the policies of their governments.
May I suggest that “some” viewed the 2004 re-election of Bush as the perception that the American people endorsed his administration and the logical conclusion that Americans are on board with the government’s actions.
And that “change”…I viewed it as change from what the Bush policies and administration have wrought upon our fine country.
Cheers
13
Les James
// Dec 3, 2008 at 5:48 pm
David- I didn’t suggest that you said that America was a horrid place. Go back a read it again.
My point was and is that you don’t feel safe abroad because of the policies of a President who was not a conservative. Your point seems to be that Bush is fully responsible for policies voted through a middle of the road -at best- Congress.
Some in other countries as you put it, may feel that because you are an American that you bear responsibility. Is that the majority? How many is some? 5 or 5 billion? I had to avoid places in Europe because of the policies of Jimmy Carter. I’m talking about major protest and Americans getting beaten or worse.
You’re not safe walking the streets of most major cities in this country and they, for the most part, are run by liberal mayors in liberal states. And don’t try to tell me Bloomberg is a conservative.
But you were quick to point out that the last 8 years have made some want to do you harm. The last 2 years have been controlled by a liberal Congress. You give a President way too much credit.
But I’ll go alone with you on this and blame everything that happens from now on in the world on Obama. (I was going to anyway)
I don’t feel save in my own home with that monster getting ready to decide policies, make the laws, pass the budgets, and determine the constitutionality of every decision made in the US.
The other two pieces of the government will be powerless to reign in him. If Bush was all powerful then Obama will be too.
Oh, and what part of satire and humor escapes you? I don’t have to be serious or present a factual account. If I want to do that I’d apply to write for the New York Times or another major newspaper. See what I did there? That was humor.
14
David
// Dec 3, 2008 at 10:55 pm
….See what I did there? That was humor.
You betcha!!
Somewhere I read that most humorists and comedians benefit from playing off their “straight” man. Guess I was really a big help.
If the conservatives and Republicans didn’t have the liberals and Democrats to ridicule and belittle, then what would be the point of all this political satire?
Yeah, I do know that conservatives and republicans are not the same thing just like liberals and democrats are not the same. All ya’ll made sure I knew you found the republicans to be too liberal.
Cheers
15
Andrew Slominski
// Dec 4, 2008 at 2:24 am
Hahaha, those photos are so funny I’m not sure you had to write anything. Not a good idea to work with people that have used euphemisms to assassination.
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