They suck! They are no more worthwhile than the average home made YouTube video.
I remember when they came out, people raved about the extraordinary special effects. What? The movie used puppets for the love of Hell. Puppets that look like puppets. I really don’t care what kind of innovations were made in the field of SFX. If you want to market your movie on the basis of SFX, the first rule is, “Don’t use puppets.”
I don’t have anything against puppets, per se. I loved Team America - World Police
If that weren’t enough reason to hate these poorly written piles of horse shit that so many foolishly revere, I’ll throw in the deal breaker. One of the very few things I remember from the movies - aside from puppets that looked laughably, and obviously like puppets - is a scene in one of the movies that made me want to flat-out vomit.
I don’t know which movie it was. I don’t care. It’s been a long time since I watched them and I refuse to waste my time on these inept displays of cinematic corn crap.
Anyhoo, there was a scene where the good guy has a chance to kill the bad guy, and he wouldn’t do it! There was some sub-retarded concept involved where killing the bad guy would make the hero just as bad as the villain - or some such feeble-minded premise. Even at such a young age [I was born in 1972] I realized that this was, quite possibly, the dumbest idea I had ever heard.
Killing evil makes you evil?
Even in my youth I couldn’t stomach this epitome of short-bus thinking. Way to go! The hero was based on the 20th century’s most idiotic dunce, Neville Chamberlain. But in a perfect example of moonbat delusional fantasies, old Neville’s plan worked.
The only way I would ever give these movies another go around is if Joel teamed back up with Crow and Tom Servo to help me through it. Even then, I don’t know if it would be any easier to stomach than Manos, the Hands of Fate[IMDB].
I don’t know why so many people have such fond memories of these pointless, mediocre movies, but I suspect that it has something to do with recalling them with rose colored glasses because they first saw them as unsophisticated youngsters - who enjoy watching puppets.
What I do know is that the Star Wars Movies suck. Fitch is always Right.
- Humor-Blogs.com worships Star Wars.
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20 responses so far ↓
1
richj
// Sep 10, 2007 at 10:51 am
Yep, those movies are only cool to 8 year olds. As far as killing the bad guys, everyone who has ever watched any type of horror movie or action flick knows that if you hesitate in killing the bad guy, he will come back and kill you when your back is turned. One of life’s rare little lessons learned from Hollywood, atleast from the B-movie crowd.
2
jt
// Sep 10, 2007 at 12:02 pm
I hate you.
3 I’m Back… « The Jundland Wastes // Sep 10, 2007 at 1:52 pm
[...] Oh, and I hate FIAR… [...]
4
Chris C
// Sep 10, 2007 at 2:00 pm
You speak of the part where Luke refuses to kill Vader. This is not a crappy resolution, it is a classic and common ending to a story: the sacrifice of the son to redeem the father.
I agree 100% on the second trilogy and how it crapped all over the first. The franchise is tainted, and perhaps we need a Luke Skywalker to redeem it hehe.
5
Chris C
// Sep 10, 2007 at 2:02 pm
@Rich: The bad guy was killed at the end.
6
the frogster
// Sep 10, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Sigh. Ooooh boy, FIAR, I suspect that you’re gonna catch a ration for this one, though I suspect you already know this and suspect that may be why you wrote it in the first place.
Chris- just run away now and don’t look back. It’s a lot easier and funnier to explain why you hate something than why you love it. Just turn around, Chris, and don’t look back. You can’t win this one. I don’t want to see you psychically injured. The force is not strong enough with you…
…yet.
7
JACC
// Sep 10, 2007 at 2:59 pm
“The movie used puppets for the love of Hell”
Tsk tsk, I think you should lose all of your Muppet memories for that one. Also, puppets are much better than crappy cgi.
8
Patty
// Sep 10, 2007 at 4:10 pm
I take it you have never been to a Star Wars convention? Or maybe you have!
I would guesstimate 4 out of 5 are on some serious anti-depressants.
9
RT - Chief Mongress
// Sep 10, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Upon reading between the lines, sir, you are an evil genius. Well, maybe not evil.
10
Fiar
// Sep 11, 2007 at 10:14 am
Rich That’s correct. Evil never dies.
JT You only wish you could hate me. Grown men who play with dolls are not capable of hate.
Preemptive retort from JT
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go explain to my step-daughter why I don’t want to play with her Barbie and Bratz “action figures.”
Chris I know the bad guy was killed in the end. I did say, “But in a perfect example of moonbat delusional fantasies, old Neville’s plan worked.” That’s what I meant.
Frogster Right you are. That’s why I wrote what is most likely the most unpopular position in the entire internet.
JACC Puppets are not special effects.
Patty Right you are. Be careful. You’re looking less and less trollish by the day.
RT Was there ever any doubt that I’m a genius?
11
jt
// Sep 11, 2007 at 11:36 am
They’re not “Action Figures”, they’re “Collectibles”…
12 Just For Fitch… « The Jundland Wastes // Sep 11, 2007 at 11:53 am
[...] For Fitch… September 11th, 2007 — jt In Honor of my pal FIAR - and probably Sssteve too [...]
13
Skul
// Sep 11, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Are monkey puppets OK?
14
the frogster
// Sep 11, 2007 at 5:30 pm
I’m thinking you are right. At first, I thought about some political stand you could take or some sports team you could dis, but you would then have half (or more) of the nation agreeing with you. So, given the subject and the medium, I believe you have found the perfect topic to alienate the greatest amount of readers. Well done. I salute you.
15
Skul
// Sep 11, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Nah Frogster, we’re disinfranchised cause we didn’t get to vote on the worst of the lot.
Are alienated readers deported?
16
RT - Chief Mongress
// Sep 11, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Well, you do let Flowers Bloom post on your blog.
17
Wyatt Earp
// Sep 11, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Rule #1: Let the Wookie win.
Rule #2: Never piss off a Star Wars geek (JT).
18
Chris C
// Sep 11, 2007 at 11:11 pm
I just looked at JT’s pictures. Holy crap it’s ‘Star Wars II.i: The Marketing Menace’!
On a sad note that stuff is probably worth a dollar amount equal to the GDP of a small country.
19 Fauxsama Bin Ladens Releases His Greatest Hits Video // Sep 12, 2007 at 12:54 pm
[...] The Star Wars Movies Are Crap! [...]
20
Fiar
// Sep 12, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Skul Monkey puppets are awesome, as long as you don’t try to act like you have outstanding special effects. Also, alienated readers are merely “re-educated.”
Frogster Thanks for the salute. You train of thought there matches mine in determining the single most unpopular thing I could possibly say.
RT Indeed I do. I’ve been asking her to come up with a new post too. Hopefully I’ll have a response soon.
Wyatt Rule #1 Fitch is always right.
Rule #2 See rule #1.
Chris Manufacturing all those dolls created said GDP.
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