Sadly, Ron Paul is no longer running for President. I know that’s not exactly breaking news. It’s just a simple statement of fact. Even though Ron Paul is out of the race, I feel the need for one last hurrah of the ultimate Ron Paul joke collection.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ron Paul.
Where does a penguin keep his money?
Ron Paul.
Extended version: It doesn’t matter where the penguin keeps his money, because it’s all fiat money that has no actual value, but Ron Paul will restore the gold standard.
How do rednecks celebrate Halloween?
Ron Paul.
What did the fly say when he flew into the wall?
Ron Paul.
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
Ron Paul.
Extended version: None. Ron Paul will invent perpetual motion and light bulbs that never burn out, thus creating a perfect utopia where blondes never need to change light bulbs.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Ron Paul.
What’s grosser than gross? Ron Paul.
What’s grosser than that? Ron Paul.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Ron Paul.
A priest, a rabbi, and an indian chief walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “Ron Paul.”
Extended version, the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t take cash or credit. We only accept gold coins, which never lose their value. There’s never been a better time to invest in gold. Invest in gold today.”
What falls down but never gets hurt?
Ron Paul.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ron Paul.
What did the tree say to the mountain?
Ron Paul.
Why did the farmer bury all his money?
Ron Paul.
Extended version: He buried it to keep it safe until Ron Paul restored the gold standard.
What did god say to the man on the moon?
Ron Paul.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a penguin?
Ron Paul.
Why did the bull run off the cliff?
Ron Paul.
What do you call two guys fighting over a prostitute?
Ron Paul.
How do you turn soup into gold?
Ron Paul. Trust me, he’s working on that one.
As you can see from this brilliant demonstration of political humor, Ron Paul really is the world’s most hilarious punchline. Do you have any Ron Paul jokes?
What do you get when you cross Humor-Blogs.com and Ron Paul?
Ron Paul!
2004–2008
26 responses so far ↓
1
Yeah Right Ill Tell You
// Jul 2, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Those are supposed to be funny?
2
Fiar
// Jul 2, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Only to people with a sense of humor.
3
Les James
// Jul 2, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Ron Paul walks into a bar with a beautiful Ron Paul on his arm and a 10″ Ron Paul on his shoulder.
The Ron Paul behind the bar says to Ron Paul, “Hey, what’s with the little Ron Paul?”
To which Ron Paul replies, “Obama.”
Sorry. Screwed that all up. That’s punchline for the latest political jokes.
4
The Hypocritical One....
// Jul 2, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Oh my…do you understand the internet backlash you may get for mocking Ron Paul?
I also doubt that the answer to “who will Mccain pick as VP” be —RON PAUL.
5
RT
// Jul 2, 2008 at 8:07 pm
How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb? Ron Paul (Yes, I know they don’t have light bulbs.)
6
don
// Jul 3, 2008 at 12:17 am
Well Bob Barr you and the Ron Paul you rode in on!
7
Alex L.
// Jul 3, 2008 at 2:19 am
Knock knock…
8
TJ's Anti-Contrarian Blog
// Jul 3, 2008 at 11:36 am
Who’s there?
9
Kathie
// Jul 3, 2008 at 2:56 pm
What do stupid people do after they relieve what little brainpower they have by farting and belching? They attempt to be humorous by telling ridiculous Ron Paul jokes …. CAUSE THEY JUST DON’T GET IT and NEVER WILL!
10
Les James
// Jul 3, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Somewhere under that gruff exterior shell, there lurks a person yearning to “attempt” humor. Come on Kathie, give that person a chance.
11
Big D
// Jul 3, 2008 at 5:00 pm
I am convulsing with laughter and am concerned that my sides are going to split wide open and hemmorage.
12
Fiar
// Jul 3, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Dammit Alex, look who you let in!
Ron Paul!
13
Fiar
// Jul 3, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I’ve never understood people having such strong emotions for, of all people, a fucking politician.
I’m sure there’s some sort of mental disorder that explains that.
14
insolublog
// Jul 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Who’s the biggest drag queen on the planet?
Ron Paul.
No… Wait a minute…
That’s RuPaul.
15
Idaho
// Jul 4, 2008 at 5:08 am
Who seriously thinks that the US Constitution isn’t a joke- but a brilliant, groundbreaking document in the history of human rights that our nation should defend and live by?
And Fiar, enjoy the ’sanity’ of a government engaged in an undeclared pre-emptive war (and eyeing Iran), a plummeting US dollar, $4 gas, soon to be $7 gas, the shredding of your Bill of Rights (yes google that, I’m sure that’s new to you).
Sweet business as usual- and let’s see how emotional you get in a couple years when you realize which “politician” was fighting on your side.
16
Alex L.
// Jul 4, 2008 at 7:24 am
Idaho- oh wait I know this one… was it erh… Ron Popeil… no wait…
17
Chris C.
// Jul 4, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Idaho is still bitter that John Anderson lost in 1980.
18
Fiar
// Jul 4, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Nice straw man argument, Idaho. I feel no need to defend my position because I’m not deranged.
19
Fiar
// Jul 4, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Just a quick tip for the Ronulans. Don’t copy and paste the same insipid posts on every site you find in Google blogsearch. That’s called SPAM, and it will not get through if detected.
Second, I will not support Ron Paul, Bob Barr, John McCain, Barack Obama, or any other bullshit politician in the upcoming election. I will only participate in an election again when the voting is done with bullets.
20
Fiar
// Jul 4, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Ron Paul!
21
Chris C.
// Jul 4, 2008 at 10:39 pm
How can we complain about the process if we don’t involve ourselves in the core mechanism of the system, voting?
The US is a land of liberalism these days and everyone wants to be on the winning team, including the Republicans. I’ll be damned if I stop voting now because that is exactly what they want.
That’s why I’m going with Nader because it deprives the crazy left and the fake right from my vote.
Besides, there’s plenty of important local elections that directly affect my life as well a governor’s race in a state with no sales tax.
22
CaptainAmerica
// Jul 4, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Ron Paul’s family fell on hard times. His Pop tells his oldest brother to take one of the last Ducks to town and sell it for what he can get. He comes back home with 10$. “Good job son”, dad says to him.
Couple days later and Pop tells Ron’s younger brother to take one of the last two ducks to town and do the same thing. He comes home with 15$. “Well done my son”, dad says.
Now things look bad at the Paul homestead and there’s only one scrawny duck left and it’s Ron’s turn to provide for the family. Dad tells Ron: “Your our last hope son. I don’t expect much from you, but do the best you can.”
So Ron Paul sets off for town with the scrawny little duck. On the way he meets a farmers daughter. She offers Ron a roll in the hay if he gives her the duck. Ron obliges.
When their through she so happy that she offers him the duck back for one more go. Happy to get the duck back he obliges her again. Now while their thrashing about in the hay the duck gets free and runs across the road where it gets hit by a truck. The truck driver is so upset that he gives Ron 25$ in compensation. Ron heads for home smiling from ear to ear.
When he gets home he hands his Pop 25$. Dad can’t believe it. “Where did you get all this money?” his dad asks.
“Dad” Ron says, “You won’t believe it”
“I got fucked for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and twenty five bucks for a fucked-up duck!”.
“Someday we’re going to have to get this country on the duck standard. QUACK!”
23
Chris C.
// Jul 5, 2008 at 12:46 am
Hehe nice spin on a classic joke.
24
Fiar
// Jul 5, 2008 at 7:44 am
Chris, I was just pretending to be crazy. You are correct about the local elections, and that’s one of the issues I have against the whole Ron Paul thing. You need to start from the bottom up.
25
Chris C.
// Jul 5, 2008 at 9:16 pm
whew, for a minute there I thought you were serious. hehe I should know better.
26 The Alternative Voter’s Guide | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Jul 15, 2008 at 2:23 pm
[...] more! If you order before midnight tonight, we’ll throw in a handsome, commemorative Ron Paul joke at no additional charge. That’s a savings of over… some very large amount… that [...]
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