Things You Have Always Wanted to Know About Liberals
Someone needs to write a Liberals for Dummies book. But until that happens, Radioactive Liberty is here to help with answers to some questions you have always wanted to know about Liberals.
How do Liberals determine who is a racist?
They use the Opposing Opinion Test. The opinion of the Conservative in question is run through a rigorous weighted point system:
Opposing opinion…10 points
Opposing opinion about illegal immigrants…10 points
Opposing opinion about health care reform…10 points
Opposing opinion about government spending…10 points
If a Conservative scores 10 points or more they are considered a racist, and most likely a member of the Tea Party.
Which is the preferred sit-in song, “Kumbaya” or “Blowing in the Wind”?
Historically, there have been conflicting viewpoints on this. One side thinks “Blowing in the Wind” is the best choice because Bob Dylan is a hippie. And not just any hippie but one of the original ones.
But others think “Kumbaya” represents naive optimism about the future, a concept that works well with liberalism since they like the idea of prosperity through growth of government.
The jury is still out on this one so in the meantime it is okay to use either song.
When is the best time to break out the “What do we want? (Insert cause here)!” chant?
I would say that the optimal time is when the cameras are rolling or there are people to yell at.
The bigger issue is why the chant has not been retired. It is a versatile one, adaptable to any cause so perhaps that is the reason. It just seems so dated though.
What are the five steps of Liberal debate?
1. Present facts that are: incorrect, out-dated, taken out of context, or not really relevant to the argument topic.
2. Re-hash common, over-used talking points.
3. Say it was Bush’s fault.
4. Call the Conservative names like moron or retard.
5. Declare victory.
Do you have questions about Liberals? If so leave them in the comments and RL will provide much-needed answers.
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In addition to writing political humor columns and posts here at Radioactive Liberty Chris Cameron also writes for his own humor blog Angry Seafood.
Category: Political Humor Tags: conservatives, Humor, Liberals, Politics
2004–2012
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Hi Chris, first time caller, long time listener here. I have a question about Liberals.
When is it legal to taser them, and is there any proposed legislation towards mandatory tasering of all Liberals? (And no, Spell-check, I did not mean “teaser.”)
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Chris- Is it true Libs have 666 tattooed on the inside of their bottom lips, but when they pull their lips down, to show another fellow traveler, it reads 999?
Fiar- Welcome. It’s always nice to have a fresh face around here. Come back anytime.
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@Fiar: So far it is legal during arrests and Phillies games. No official word but there is a rumor out there that the MLB will change the 7th inning stretch to a tasering next season.
There is no pending legislation unfortunately. But with the arrival of a lot of fresh faces in Congress come January we may have a good opportunity to get something passed.
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@Les: Yes and there is a bit of history to the reason.
It turns out that the first liberal to tattoo the number on his lip had it done upside down so others could read it properly at “666″.
Unfortunately that same dumb liberal kept getting confused seeing “999″ and thought that was how others see it as well. So he decreed that the tattoo would be done right side up from then on.
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EW, you people cannot be serious; Look at the inside of a liberals mouth? What kind of insanity is this?
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@Eric: Sometimes the truth is not pretty.
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Thanks for the warm welcome, Les. I had a little trouble remembering the URL to this site, but I have it bookmarked now so that I can stop by every one or two months.
Chris, if they put a tasering into every 7th inning I would actually start watching basebore. Better yet, just do away with the whole ball game and make it a tasering contest. It would be like dodge ball except only one team will have tasers. That would be a true sport.