Finally a reason lacking all sense of political humor and silliness for why we should all vote for John McCain: old people are frugal.
Times are tight and if you haven’t noticed the government’s addiction to money is worse then Lindsey Lohan’s addiction to attention, and at least once in awhile we get something out of the Fed. Then again, the way Lohan has gotten around I’m not so sure I’d even want her hand touching my wedding tackle. I would even go as far as to make her put on dishwashing gloves to be safe. Might be a little rough but I digress.
First off, old people place a lot more value on money then the rest of us. They remember when things like a hamburger cost a quarter, or when someone had to eat the leather of their shoes to survive in the Great Depression. Waiters and waitresses wince whenever the bill goes to Grandpa. Look at how many old timers use those rubber coin purses that they have to squeeze to access all their pennies.
Usually there are dimes in the purse too but they used them all on a grandson in one of those slotted birthday cards.
This is what America needs: a cheap leader. An old person fits the bill and McCain happens to be a senior citizen. What luck!
No longer would we have a budget so sky-high. McCain could just yell “malarkey” or “if you don’t like being cheap then scram!” when someone wants to spend more money. You know how stubborn those old timers can be, so you can be sure McCain will stick to his guns.
Another benefit is that an old person for a President will be able to recommend deals for the country’s citizens. Maybe during a speech in a city he tells people to go to a certain diner because the Early Bird Fish & Chips is a great bargain. In another town there might be a good deal on polyester slacks at WalMart.
There will also be the added benefit of someone old always reminding Americans how good we have it now. We will be repeatedly told that kids today do not have to walk to school twelve miles in a snowstorm uphill both ways.
Now if McCain were only Jewish we could really start saving money. Not only would we be frugal as hell but America would never pay retail again for anything from China.
My friends, that is what is called a pipe dream so I guess we will have to settle for an old Gentile.
Go McCain!
No matter who or what you vote for, vote this Election Day because it does actually matter that you participate in the process. All kidding aside.
Chris Cameron writes this weekly political humor column every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own daily train wreck of comedy on his own humor blog Angry Seafood.
[Humor-Blogs.com has funny blogs you can vote on just like an election but without the mudslinging.]
2004–2009
12 responses so far ↓
1
Fiar
// Oct 30, 2008 at 11:31 am
No matter who or what you vote for, vote this Election Day because it does actually matter that you participate in the process.
Screw that. I don’t want stupid people to vote. Also, the fewer people that vote, the more my vote counts. Stay home people!
2
Les James
// Oct 30, 2008 at 11:46 am
Here in Oregon we vote by mail, no postage due! We still can’t get above 50% of those registered. So everybody stays home and we elect liberals (from both parties) anyway. I say get them into long polling lines where we can disenfranchise them properly, like the jack-booted thugs all conservatives are know to be.
3
JumpOut
// Oct 30, 2008 at 12:25 pm
You think McCain could get us a senior citizens discount with OPEC?
4
David
// Oct 30, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I like the idea of the early bird special…for my lunch at 4 pm.
I’m not sure that an old geezer with 7 homes and 30 cars knows from frugal. I think he paid for all that by stiffing waiters on the tip.
Oh, McCain told me the best deal on polyester slacks is the Haband mail-order. I ordered one in every color. I can’t wait until they get here - I can finally put on my pants and go get some beer.
5
Fiar
// Oct 30, 2008 at 3:35 pm
You’re missing the point, David. He got great deals on those houses and cars.
6
Les James
// Oct 30, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Yeah, but his wife is loaded so he could have had 14 homes and 60 cars. I think he’s doing his part for the environment by showing such restraint.
7
Insolublog
// Oct 30, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Who the hell pays retail for anything coming out of China, now?
8
Chris C
// Oct 30, 2008 at 9:59 pm
@Fiar: Hey I’m not the one encouraging stupid people to vote. ACORN is doing that for me hehe.
@Les: voting by mail and people still don’t send it in? Just when I think people couldn’t be lazier…
@Insolublog: we do. Not only do we pay retail but we borrow from them to buy their stuff. An old Jewish President would never allow this to happen and would have so many middlemen up China’s ass so fast they wouldn’t know what hit them.
9
Chris C
// Oct 30, 2008 at 10:05 pm
@JumpOut: Not sure about that but I bet he can get us a great deal on a Scooter.
@David: Pols generally don’t tip well, old or young.
10
Eric
// Nov 1, 2008 at 9:54 am
Joe Biden just endorsed John McCain.
http://embeds.blogs.foxnews.co.....t-give-up/
11 Vote Smart - Vote Your Conscience 2008 | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Nov 4, 2008 at 10:09 am
[...] Vote for McCain Because Old People Are Thrifty [...]
12 Obama’s Civilian National Security Force | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Nov 19, 2008 at 10:27 pm
[...] playing video games, and trolling blogs. We should stop our retirees playing golf, R.V.ing, and running for president. We need these groups to channel their energies in a much more productive direction. We need them [...]
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