Holy crap! The newspaper industry is dying a slow and agonizing death. I can’t believe this. Who would have seen this coming? Who knew that the internet, with it’s immediate access to more than enough free content to choke Linda Lovelace, would crush the newspaper industry beneath the heel of it’s merciless, digital jackboot?
Something has to be done! By that I am certainly not implying that the newspaper industry do anything to save itself. Perish the thought. No, I mean something has to be done by the government involving large infusions of taxpayer dollars to reinvigorate yet another failing, worthless industry.
Another fine course of action would be to punish the success of teh internets by forcing them to share more of their profits with the newspaper industry. After all, with the election of Barack Obama, we seek only economic justice.
The newspapers have done such a wonderful job of informing the public. Or at least they might have had people waited until the morning paper arrived to get their news instead of surfing the web until their eyes began to bleed.
Just look at how deeply they delved into Barack Obama. The way they were the first to sound the alarm when they discovered that Obama hung out with known terrorists, Marxists, and racists. Okay, so maybe they didn’t do that.
Well, at least they have the obituaries. Where else are you going to be able to find information on the latest deaths in your community? Wait, that’s on the internet too?
Damn it, you can’t wrap your fish in Google News! I’d like to see you use the internet to cover your table while you clean your guns. You would also have a hard time using your flat-screen monitor to line the bottom of your birdcage.
Awww, fuck it, let ‘em burn.
I think JumpOut may be burning more stuff at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered
2004–2010
6 responses so far ↓
1
Angie
// May 7, 2009 at 11:33 am
You got it, let ‘em burn, baby. That’s all the use *I* have for a newspaper – campfire starter.
Better start stocking up on them, before the economy tanks and we’re all living in the dark….
2
Chris C
// May 7, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Where will Boston get its news about gay marriage or Ted Kennedy if the Globe goes under?
Save the trust fund hacks pretending to be journalists, I mean fine reporters who grew up in a blue-collar household!
3
Les James
// May 7, 2009 at 8:55 pm
At least when you use the Huffington Post as toilet paper, you don’t get red ink all over your ass.
4
Eric
// May 8, 2009 at 7:28 am
Wait. How the hell will the illegal aliens make pinata’s with only mache in Mass? Oh wait, I guess they can make them the old fashion way with straw and mud, or clay, or even better make it the American way, just buy the damn thing. Nevermind.
5
johnsmith
// May 31, 2009 at 11:26 pm
A few weeks ago I met a magazine publisher. We spoke about the future of publishing and the web. It was an interesting discussion because he knew a lot about publishing and I knew a lot about the Internet.
At one point he asked me what magazines and newspapers I subscribed to. I thought for a moment and had to admit that the only magazine I read is Wired magazine which I buy at a newsstand every month. Then he asked me where I got my news from and I explained that I am subscribed to several local and global news sources online. Did I pay for any of these, was his next question. No, I didn’t, I answered. He smiled, and said:
“Don’t you feel guilty for getting all that content without paying for it?”
Of course I explained to him that I didn’t and that although I didn’t actually transfer money to any of these sources I did pay with my attention to their advertisements and that I might even, at one point, consider paying a fee for certain content.
Although the discussion moved on after that the ‘guilty’ question kept lingering in the back of my mind. Somehow I couldn’t find a satisfactory answer. In his line of thought I was guilty of the demise of the newspaper industry, and I had admitted as much. It is all my fault.
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