The economy is bad. President Obama says that the financial crisis will only get worse. And worse. And even worse still. One concerned reader has written to Obama for advice on how to navigate this recession.
Dear most benevolent one,
I have recently lost my job, and I have been unable to find new employment for several months now. I have looked everywhere, but in my area there really just aren’t any jobs to be had. I am struggling to make ends meet, and soon I will run out of money that I had socked away for a rainy day. I really need some advice on how I can back on my feet. I eagerly await your reply, My Liege.
~ Jobless in Jacksonville
I would try to be more resourceful. There’s a whole Internet out there that Al Gore invented, and it’s rich with home business opportunities. I would look into some of these options to begin generating some income.
For example, did you know that you can get paid to fill out surveys? I find that almost as intriguing as I find the dimensions of this bucket, which may or may not be big enough to fit on my head. My favorite surveys are the ones that ask questions like:
How would you rate President Obama’s job performance? Good, Great, Awesome, or Rock on Dude!
Another perfectly legitimate work from home jobs option is to work from home stuffing envelopes. You could send out new posters with me on them. Sadly, there are many Americans that only have posters of me from before I was elected President. You can help by being part of the solution instead of part of the problem.
You could also try blogging for dollars. There are many people writing these weblogs, or blogs, these days, and I have found that they can be a great way to make money doing nothing. You could make a blog about how awesome I am.
If you can develop a rabid and devoted following that hangs on to your every word as if it were gospel, you can sell almost anything. You could even tell them that your shit doesn’t stink and they will believe it. And if your shit does stink, we’re running a limited time offer on my new Obama Colon Cleanse. Satisfaction is guaranteed. If my colon cleanse doesn’t clean you out, my tax increases will.
See how easy it was to throw a little sales pitch there in the middle? I know many people worry about looking like shady, slimy, corrupt marketers by asking people to buy something. One of my best friends is a domestic terrorist, and I got elected President of the United States of America, so clearly there is no need to be concerned about your credibility. It wouldn’t be at all difficult to sell a few Obama Victory Plates, Obama tshirts, Obama Chia heads, Obama bobble head dolls, or Obama coin collections.
It’s easy to make money without contributing anything at all of value, and if you don’t believe me, just look at my own career for proof. However, you may have a little difficulty with this business strategy if you are not a vacant, empty suit with bubble gum pop star appeal.
Disclaimer: Don’t take home business advice from a political humor site, and don’t take blogging advice from a guy who can’t stop getting his head stuck in a bucket. Obama Colon Cleanse may or may not be a real product, but if it is real it’s a sure sign of the Apocalypse.
Obama Bucket Head Image courtesy of Sideshow Mirrors Satire. Origin of Obama Bucket Joke by Frank J of IMAO right wing humor.
If you have a question for What Would Obama Do, please leave it in the comments.
2004–2010
33 responses so far ↓
1
Les James
// Jan 31, 2009 at 11:36 am
I understand that under the table, stay-at-home male, ah… surrogate father services are on the rise. I would think on top of the table would be better. But still, it’s a great way to make some extra cash and still be around for the kids.
2
Les James
// Jan 31, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Oh and best of all, you don’t have to pay taxes on that type of income. Since you’ll most likely never be asked to join Obama’s cabinet, no one will ever find out.
Just make sure it’s all cash up front, raise your fees every year and never worry about performance. It’s the American government way.
3
Misty
// Jan 31, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I got to say, that is extremely funny
4
RT
// Feb 1, 2009 at 3:01 am
I was thinking just tonight how it would be nice to have a house-husband. A man’s place is in the home…taking care of me. heh.
5
Chris C
// Feb 1, 2009 at 3:19 am
“It’s easy to make money without contributing anything at all of value…”
Damnit I’m not contributing any value either and I’m NOT getting paid. Something is clearly wrong here.
I blame Rush.
6
David
// Feb 1, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Hey – I’m totally pissed that he is advising people to cut in on my home envelope stuffing business. I’m making a killing and I don’t want to share my gold mine with the likes of the recently unemployed Dubya.
7
Les James
// Feb 1, 2009 at 5:55 pm
It was the licking of the envelopes that drew you to that line of work in the first place, wasn’t it.
8
VicW
// Feb 2, 2009 at 6:50 am
Hi Fiar
I just blew in from Griz’s blog expecting to find a make money blog and what do I find political humor! What is the world coming to? But as I am here and as Savior Obama appears to like appointing people who don’t pay their taxes I thought I would make this gratuitous plug for my own political humor blog – GeithnerGate.com – well there ain’t much humor on it but I am running a poll on whether Tim Geithner should be US Treasury Secretary if you can persuade millions of people to vote, that would be cool and maybe Mr Geithner would resign ! Ha ha.
9
DJN
// Feb 10, 2009 at 9:26 pm
LOL, Thanks for the links man. I’m with you all the way.
10
Chelle
// Feb 15, 2009 at 6:40 pm
The Obama colon cleanse…Oh my goodness…I thought the things I found on ebay (the obama snowman, the obama thong, the obama comic book) were bad enough…
Very funny stuff
11
jessica
// Jun 30, 2009 at 6:08 am
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12 Obama Work at Home Government Jobs Program | The Planets Best Political Humor at RadioactiveLiberty.com // Jul 24, 2009 at 8:20 pm
[...] of these jobs are 100% scam free legitimate work from home jobs. Do keep in mind that back in Chicago, the definition of “scam free” is applied a [...]
13
Freelance Noor
// Sep 9, 2009 at 6:54 pm
I must say hats off to the theme. Absolutely amazing. Just enjoyed reading it. Paid surveys, Stubbing envelopes and blogging are some opportunities that are available to people to make money online. These are hard times and it is very difficult to drive a point.
You have manged to drive the point of work from home opportunities with extremely funny imaginative article. It is real good read.
14 Political Humor and Conservative Satire Scraper Edition // Oct 21, 2009 at 6:54 pm
[...] there is some sort of Obama government jobs program where you can work at home scraping conservative satire blogs, but just how much recession humor is too much? Speaking of tea parties, did you know that the [...]
15
Different Ways To EARN MONEY
// Nov 13, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I don’t like Obama and I’m pretty sure in 3 years everyone will agree with me except the poor people who just want free selfish programs for themselves!
16
mel P
// Jan 16, 2010 at 4:50 pm
I think he is doing a great job especially compared to the previous who I even hate to mention!
17
Les James
// Jan 16, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Of course you do, damned ambulance chasing vulture.
18
Chris C
// Jan 17, 2010 at 2:01 am
“I think he is doing a great job especially compared to the previous who I even hate to mention!”
~Spambot comment that will be deleted probably by the time you read this.
I didn’t think spambots were so opinionated.
On a side note I wonder if people who actually think Obama is doing such a great job are rubbing one out while talking about how awesome he is. It’s a short road from a tingle in the leg to acting on it.
19
yelly
// Jan 19, 2010 at 8:55 pm
You guys DONT think Obama is doing a good job compared to the a** Mr.Bush????
20
red
// Jan 22, 2010 at 12:05 am
what is wrong with Obama?
21
Les James
// Jan 23, 2010 at 8:01 pm
Nothing. He’s perfect Fascist Dictator material. Wouldn’t change a thing.
22
Chris C
// Jan 24, 2010 at 3:13 am
“what is wrong with Obama?”
He has a midget porn fetish.
I figure since I am responding to a spambot I might as well make a ridiculous claim.
23
Les James
// Jan 24, 2010 at 10:45 am
Well, I suppose that fits. Tiny T & A for a tiny…
24
healing herbs
// Jan 29, 2010 at 1:13 am
He is better then Bush that is for sure!
25
Asbestos Cancer Mesothelioma
// Jan 30, 2010 at 9:18 pm
I believe in his healthcare plan. It works everywhere else. The U.S. still has a 3rd world country way with healthcare!
26
Chris C
// Jan 31, 2010 at 2:07 am
Hehe the spambots argue just like actual human liberals. Hmmm…
27
Les James
// Jan 31, 2010 at 10:07 am
Well it true Chris. I was just saying to my witchdoctor…
28
Dead Sea Bath Salts
// Mar 4, 2010 at 6:31 pm
I guess spambots are more intelligent then you…
29
Les James
// Mar 6, 2010 at 12:25 am
Putz
30
Chris C
// Mar 6, 2010 at 3:31 am
“I guess spambots are more intelligent then you…”
You confuse intelligence with pervasiveness.
31 The Best Political Humor of 2009 | The Planets Best Political Humor at RadioactiveLiberty.com // Mar 8, 2010 at 12:23 pm
[...] 7. President Obama offers some sage advice about work from home business job opportunities. [...]
32
John | Make Money Online
// Jun 23, 2010 at 8:55 am
All of these methods are good methods to make money online if you know what youre doing, if you have money to invest, if you have time to spare and to wait for income some time down the road, if you have a list.
33
online home business idea
// Aug 19, 2010 at 4:58 am
Lol….it was too funny…
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