Work From Home with the Census Bureau
More Government Work from Home Jobs
Okay I’ll admit it, I worked for the Census. You’ll notice the past tense, I’m no longer employed there. I quit. Yep, up and left. Walked right in and told the boss I was out of there.
Fine, he already knew I had a better job waiting. Almost everyone there is looking for a better job. They all congratulated me. But I still quit… and it felt good.
As a U.S. Census Crew Leader, I worked from home. That’s right, I had sensitive documents, containing Personal Identifiable Information (PII) in my house. And you can too. It’s not too late to work from home for the U.S. Government Census Bureau as a Civil Servant- even if it is only a sporadic, part-time job.
Now that I’m free, I can’t wait to give you the juicy inside scoop. Are you sitting down? Good. Here it is:
It’s a total cluster! The worse mess I’ve ever seen! FUBAR comes to mind!
Bet you weren’t expecting that. I know you thought the Obama A-minion-stration was the finest your money can buy. Maybe so. Then again, the dollar doesn’t go anywhere near as far as it use to. It’ll still fly across the Potomac, it just won’t come back.
More about my qualifications to write this post
Having spent 20 years in the Army, I’ve experienced the lower half of Government Alimentary System (GAS) up close and personal. The Decennial Census operation is the terminal inch. You can guess what passes through there. Don’t get me wrong, the people I worked with were fantastic. We did our best to make it function. It’s The System that stinks.
Here’s a little more background: I got laid-off a while ago. It took a few months to find another way to pay my bills. Last summer, I picked up a seasonal Park Ranger position with the Bureau of Land Management (BLM), in a place that doesn’t even have a park. That lasted until December. In January, I started working with the Census.
I’m what’s known as an expert on government jobs. Don’t try it at home. Wait. That’s what this post is about, work from home jobs. Never mind.
“A census worker once tested me. I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti” Hannibal Lecter
More from the U.S. Department of Acronyms (DOA)
Here’s four examples, gleaned from dozens, of ridiculous things I experienced while working for the Census:
We had changes coming in so fast -from Federal Echelons Above Reality (FEAR)- by the time we got ‘em in writing, they were four changes out of date. Policy became rumor.
Got a call from my supervisor one day. He told me one of my Group Quarters Enumeration (GQE) Enumerators could go back to work, as his fingerprinting issue with the FBI was cleared-up. I said, “Huh? Back to work? I didn’t know he wasn’t suppose to be working.”
During Group Quarters Advanced Visits (GQAV)I had to drive around to make sure there was no one living in summer camps and seasonal fire look-out towers… in February… in the Central Oregon mountains… covered with three to ten feet of snow. I couldn’t even get to some of them, so I SWAG‘ed it. This is an acronym from my medical training days at Brook Army Medical Center (BAMC)-known to students as the Sam Houston Institute of Technology (bad word). SWAG stands for Scientific Wild Ass Guess.
TNSOL -another acronym- is Targeted Non-Sheltered Outdoor Locations, a.k.a. homeless camps. Targeted? Wasn’t Sarah Palin slammed for using that same term? And why would we have an acronym involving the homeless using the letters SOL? Want to guess how many of these SOL individuals I counted while it was 9 degrees… snowing lightly… at 6 AM… during Service-Based Enumeration (SBE)?
I could go on for, at least, a thousand more words, but I’ll spare you the tedium.
Got questions about things, like why you didn’t get your Individual Census Form (ICR) in the mail or got three? Or why you may be visited by the statistically employed, wearing stupid orange vests, plastic badges and carrying lame black nylon bags, during Non-Response Follow-Up (NRFU) -where Enumerators might be required to visit the same house up to six times? Or maybe you have a Census story?
I’d be happy to comment on your comments, or answer your questions. But remember, anything I tell you is probably four or five changes behind the times.
More Bonus Material: Phrases people should get slapped for using
A perfect storm
Changed everything forever
Past is prologue
More, less, greater, worse, or better than the experts expected
Historic
People who liked this post also liked: Mild Max and Sideshow Mirrors.
Category: Political Humor Tags: Acronym humor, ate his liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti, Census Crew Leader, Census Humor, Department of Acronyms, Enumerator, Government Employment, Government Work From Home Jobs, GQAV, GQE, ICR, Individual Census Form, Legitimate Work From Home Jobs, NFRU, Political Humor, Sarah Palin, SBE, TNSOL, U.S. Census Employment Numbers
2004–2012
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Black, African Am., or Negro. This was the choice President Barack Obama checked on his Census form. He had the chance to mark more than one, but didn’t. I find this very telling.
As many of you know I decided long ago, since his mother was white, he’s white. Thus making him just another radical, white liberal politician. But Obama choose to be ONLY Black, African Am., or Negro, as the father who abandoned him was.
I’m sure there could be an argument made on the psychological implications of this choice, but I choose to see it as him identifying himself by the color of his skin, and dissing ALL white people.
And speaking of white people. The snow is white, I’m not. This is why I wrote in American on my Census form.
Once again, our President has divided the nation -this time along racial lines. And the Left said George Bush was divisive.
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Haha, I found your post very interesting, as I too am a Crew Leader. Noone in the Anchorage office seems to know what they are doing or even what they are supposed to be doing. I was sent out last week with not even a binder ready to go out with me. I find the LCO to be very disorganized and a complete scam to be had.
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I too am a crew leader!
Scam-city, baby!
Everyone is running in diff directions like chickens with their heads cut off….best polic is to figure out how the system works…know what needs to be done, and avoid the rest of the mess. In that regards, Im getting awesome , scenic vacations (with per diems) on the gov’ts dime, babay!
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although i do miss playing around w/ my GF’s fun-bags back in town…but @ 26.50 an hour..the caching of the cash registers in my head far outweigh my passing bouts of horniess.
LAWLS
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Wow, don’t I feel like a piker. All I’m getting for doing nothing on the govt. dime is $269/week on unemployment.
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26.50 an hour!!??? Here’s the funny part. The people in even more rural areas of Calif and Wash, get more than I did here in Central Oregon. I guess as soon as you cross the border, the cost of living sky rockets.
Eric, you need to move to where ever Mike Hunt is from. Looks like Uncle Sugar is shoveling out the cash there.
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Haven’t seen a Porky’s reference in a long time.
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Me either. Although my brother pointed it out to me.
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MOVE?! No way. Not for 10 govt. jobs, which I could probably do. Oh, and Mike Hunt? Isn’t that a prank phone call name?
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Yes, and it was used in the classic scene from the movie Porky’s.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....re=related
This scene is one of my favorites from the film:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIcSuyZjjIM
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Chris -I never really got into that picture. Must be the age difference, youngster
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Ah….Mike Hunt. That’s right up there with:
Mike Hawk
Peter File
Pat McCock
and Hugh Wang-Kerr
What post was this again?
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Amanda HugandSqueeze was always my fav one from the Simpsons.
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My favorite Simpson’s is from the opening. Bart is writing on the chalkboard, Sponge Bob is not a contraceptive.
I absolutely love it when the comments get so far away from the post topic. It’s kind of like that game where you whisper in someone’s ear and they whisper “the same thing” into someone else’s ear, so on and so forth. By the time it gets all the way around, it nothing like the original. Too much fun.