Fox News reports (H/T Captain’s Quarters)

The U.S. military command Thursday released previously unseen images of a video purportedly posted by Al Qaeda in Iraq’s leader, showing him decked out in American tennis shoes and unable to operate his machine gun. …

Joel Siegel called it, “the funniest movie of the year!”

Ebert and Roeper said, “Two hilarious thumbs up.”

The Chicago Tribune, “I haven’t laughed so hard since Spaceballs. Actually, I didn’t even laugh this hard at Spacceballs.”

Here are a few samples of the laugh riot in store for you.

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Tips, Tricks, and Tools of thr Trade for Terrorists: A Video by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

Hi, I’m Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. You may have seen me in such videos as, Dull Knife Decapitation, The Used Car Shoppers Guide: Car Bombing on a Budget, and Sorrority Goats 1-4. Today, I will demonstrate how to fight a more intelligent, more sensitive War of Terror.

One tool of terrorism that will will need to use often is a knife, like this.

That’s not a knife. That’s a spoon.

Silence! I am the leader here. You are the recruit. I will slit your throat.

Not with a spoon you won’t.

You will also find it useful to use C-4. What you do is take the C-4…

That’s a bag of heroin. Not C-4.

OK, Mr. Big Shot. Why don’t you come here and I will demonstrate how to use it. Take the C-4. Use some duct tape to secure it to your body, like so. Next take the wire and insert it into the C-4.

Uh, the heroin is spilling out on the floor.

A pox upon your entire family! Sit down and shut up!

Sometimes you will need to handcuff a hostage. Take the handcuffs, attach them to one wrist, like so. Preferably, wrap the cuffs around a stable object, to restrain the hostage, then secure to the other wrist. Now your hostage is restrained. Someone uncuff me.

See you later. Let’s go to lunch.

[Much, much later]

Ingrates! There will be no 72 virgins for you. 1000 pigs is what you will receive! Uncuff me now!

Fine. Say, you think you might be able to actually teach us something.

Now, recruits, show a little respect. We have here a machine gun. You point it like this at the infidel…

It’s pointed the wrong way.

I’m the boss. You keep your swine mouth shut! Like i was saying, [turns gun around] you point the gun at the infidel, and [struggles to fire] it will – [more struggling] pull the trigger, and…

Ow! Allah be damned! That’s my good leg. And my new tennis shoes – Ruined. Why Allah? Why? Have I not been a good jihadi?

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See all this and more. Order now 1-555-TEH-FUNNY

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Wizbang, Hot Air, and more Wizbang have more. Video on You Tube.

zarqawi, Terrorism, Al Qaeda

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Trackbacked on Carnival of the Trackbacks LXII, Point Five, OTA Weekend, Stop the ACLU

Category: Humor